Burn the Effigy

[[Syl]]

So, my birthday is 11 days from now (one day after Donaldson's, though he never sent me a birthday greeting). The big 35.

What do I want for my birthday? Glad you asked. I want a roast. As Foul has recently pointed out, I've been here for almost a decade. That's plenty of material.

Yes, I realize I have a tendency towards the self-righteous, but I promise, I give everyone free license to lampoon my foibles, my inconsistencies, and unnoticed or unrecognized character flaws. Mock my successes and celebrate my failures.

As the (admittedly very few) people who know me in real life can (hopefully) attest, I'm not much like [Syl], my acknowledgment of the difference between me and the perception of me evidenced by the brackets. I promise not to take it seriously. May Av ban me for a year if I break my word.

So friends, 'Tankers, GT-fanatics, lend me your jeers. If you have any regard for me, show me your disregard. Individual silences will be read as apathy or admission of not having a sense of humor.

(legal disclaimer: all posts subject to usual moderating and the rules and guidelines of KW. Try to keep it PG-13ish, though self-moderating the f***s and s***s is fine by me. I'm fine with anything, so long as it's funny. In the event that the mods don't like this idea, I will accept all roasts via PM. Anything after the 14th, though, and you're just being an a**hole )

[aliantha]

Individual silences will be read as apathy or admission of not having a sense of humor.

Oi!

Mmmm...I got nuthin'. I usually agree with you in the Tank. (I guess that makes us both pansy-assed liberals.)

Well, maybe the "GRRM is a doink" discussion with luci went a few too many rounds. But that's all I can think of off the top of my head.

Happy early b-day!

[[Syl]]

No rush, Aliantha. You have 11 days.

Also, I will choose a personal favorite and award that person all my WGDs.

[deer of the dawn]

[Syl], you suck.

(just to get myself in the game )

[Ananda]

I think this is too subtle a topic for the people here, bracketboy. (see, I started already)

[Damelon]

Also, I will choose a personal favorite and award that person all my WGDs.

[Syl]
Autarch


1018 White Gold Dollars

Your generosity knows no bounds. A Fire-Lion can't be had for that...

[Worm of Despite]

A word from me would mean a lot, Syl, so:

FROM

There you go. Enjoy it.

[Menolly]

*hoping I'm not opening a can of worms*

[Worm of Despite]

*hoping I'm not opening a can of worms*

What is this crap? I mean--stuff I don't understand. That's what I call most crap. It either caters to me or dies on the roadside in my book. Beep beep! Get out of the way.

[Obi-Wan Nihilo]

Our friend [Syl], in a gesture obviously intended to convey absolute truth and complete reality, has selected a ruggedly handsome man of action brandishing an enormous pistol as his avatar for this site.

You may not know this, but [Syl] is a member of other message boards across the internet, and in honor of [Syl] I have collected some of these other avatars, that we all might appreciate the essence of [Syl]:

From a movie trivia site:


An international affairs discussion board:


Law enforcement issues forum:


Tactical site:


A photography forum:


A travel board:


A site dedicated to 19th century nostalgia:


[Syl], I'm not quite sure what exactly you're trying to tell us brother, but I think I'm beginning to get the message.

Happy birthday, man.

[Avatar]

1018 White Gold Dollars

Your generosity knows no bounds. A Fire-Lion can't be had for that...

Let's make this more interesting:

[Syl]
Autarch

6526 White Gold Dollars

--A

[sgt.null]

what [wasn't]is odd is that SYl is an egg
sucking liberal whom wants to
ban our guns. damns hobbiteses
wants to take our precious. so i
have not fathomed why his avatar,
no not the afrikans once, or
twice even. why his gun toting
picture would be banned by all
forms of obama care. kenyan
dig it? i deserve the white gold
dallas, it only makes sense... [/spoiler[/size]]sense...

after all i am in tejas...


makes
editing somethings????

• AeroplaneBombCircusDrum

Code: Select all

Print this page, 
cut out the words, 
put them in a jar,
random word stimulus. 

Spoiler

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

FROM

[Damelon]

1018 White Gold Dollars

Your generosity knows no bounds. A Fire-Lion can't be had for that...

Let's make this more interesting:

[Syl]
Autarch

6526 White Gold Dollars

--A

*sigh* This board has too many good samaritans.

The point of a roast is to… um… well it's to make jokes at someone's expense. Look up Dean Martin's roasts on you tube for some old fashioned examples of the genre. For a more recent, more raunchy style (not that I would advocate that here. ) , look up Gilbert Gottfried. He has a couple of doozies.

[Avatar]

I know what they are. I'll be back as soon as I think of something humorously insulting.

(Wait...what was the deadline again? )

--A

[[Syl]]

Last day. Just sayin'...

[aliantha]

Face it, Sheriff. Your awesomeness simply precludes snarky comments.

[[Syl]]

I don't know about that; it's probably just not as fun when someone invites you to do it.

[Worm of Despite]

A Syl thread....shouldn't this be "Burn the Hubris" instead of effigy?

ZING.

[ussusimiel]

I probably don't really know [Syl] well enough to do him justice, but:

Dear [intellectual worms]*,

I have just a few words to say that will probably be too subtle for you.

As you may know I'm a distinguished linguist who's won a prize or two for my work so don't be upset if you can't comprehend all the intricate concepts that I'm going to so generously lay out before you. Just because you're a member of a pseudo-elitist, semi-literary site devoted to the pathetic writings of a clapped-out hack, please don't for a second think that you are intellectuals. (Did I ever tell you that I sometimes stick posts from the Watch up in the office. Oh how we laugh!)

We also sometimes take out my copies of the 1st and 2nd Chrons and after a few games of 'Clench' to warm up, we then play 'Who Can Find the Most Outrageously Overwritten Paragraph Containing the Most Egregiously Incongruous Latinate Adjective'. Then we take the winner's paragraph and perform a post-modern, Frankfurt School, Deleuzean revisionist deconstruction on it. Delicious!

A favourite game of mine here on the Watch is called, 'Bait the Pseudo!', this is where I set a neat little trap for semi-deluded, self-appointed intellectuals. The latest one is called A question of grammar. Here I roped in the feeble-minded little fishies with the idea that they could somehow help me with language *GUFFAW* and then I revealed the magnitude of their delusion by casually mentioning the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. They are probably still scratching their heads over how we got onto Star Trek. Douce!.

To be derided by one such as I should be counted an honour. The Watch has had the great good fortune to be blessed with my capacious intellect for nearly ten years now, and I must say that I, in my own way, have been grateful for all the pleasure that I have garnered at your expense. (A fitting trade-off, as the petit bourgeoisie might say.)

Be glad and thankful that as I reach my prime you shall have the signal opportunity to engage with one of the intellects of your generation.

Yours in Rightful Hubristic Hauteur,

[Syl]


*[The brackets are just a sop to your pathetic little feelings.]

u.

[[Syl]]

Oh man. It's going to be hard to pick a winner now.