Kevin's Watch

A good newspaper headline can be a thing of beauty and I'm surely not alone in having stored up a few crackers over the years. You have the stand alone example of the type "BANK ROBBER GETS FIVE YEARS IN VIOLIN CASE", or that which requires a little explanation as say when british politician Michael Foot was apointed as EU defence procurement minister , "FOOT HEADS ARMS BODY". Some are a bit...well.... judge for yourself, "IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS" and others that just work as in the case of the disabled adulterer which was reprted in my local paper as "MAN WITH ONE ARM AND ONE LEG CHEATS ON OTHER HALF".

Can anyone else add to my collection.

(Nb Serious examples that really hit the spot would also be gratefully recieved

The Columbia Journalism Review used to put such headlines on their back page. (For all I know, they still might -- I quit subscribing years ago.) If I have time later, I'll see if I can dredge some up.

Rally against apathy draws small crowds

50 foot officers to patrol dangerous neighborhoods

Fire destroys crematorium

Officials say death by firing squad not that bad

Officials say homicide victims rarely talk to police

Thanks Ali and nice one Sarge - 50 foot officers......

Bill would make it illegal to break rules

Lost language found but no one can read it

Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem

Planes forced to land at airports

Porn case has holes lawyer says

Either CJR has stopped doing the funny headline feature, or they don't put it online. But I found a bunch here.

Some examples:
•If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
•War dims hope for peace
•Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
•Cold wave linked to temperatures
•Child's death ruins couple's holiday
•Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
•Man is fatally slain
•Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
•Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

(It's entirely possible that I might have once gone on the air and declared someone "fatally killed." The victim was clearly a casualty of writing too fast....)

In the UK we had "GOTCHA" - the Sun's notorious headline after the sinking of the Belgrano, "FREDDIE STAR ATE MY HAMSTER" from the same paper and "DID MR JACKSON OFFER TO SHOW YOU HIS BANNANA", (speaks for itself really) also from the Sun.

Worker suffers leg pain after 800lb ball drops on head

Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive

Dam road sign keeps disappearing

Fire destroys go-go bar and leaves 4 men homeless

Fumes force bean workers to leave

It's probably apocryphal, but my favorite was always "POLICE HELP DOG BITE VICTIM"

Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder

Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One

Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe out Literacy

NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach

Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax

Drip, Drip, Hooray (apparently in the Sun - we don't get a daily). Headline for a very wet Jubilee celebration (3 June).

About 15 years ago, my local paper botched a headline on an exhibit of the Enola Gay, the plane that dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, at the Smithsonian:

"Atomic bombers criticize Enola homosexual exhibit"

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Rigel wrote:It's probably apocryphal, but my favorite was always "POLICE HELP DOG BITE VICTIM"

This (if true) could be the scource of the journalistic expression of a 'Dog Bites Man' story - a euphamism used to describe any 'non story' that is being used to fill the columb inches in the absence of any more significant news.

As an aside I think it worth noting that journalism at it's best can stand against any form of writing in the world. I read The Faber Book of Reportage recently, and a more moving and sobering tribute to the art of fine writing would be hard to find.

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

A lot of these are great... thank you peoples..

I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet.

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Best headline I've ever seen was for a story about a suspicious substance found in the middle of a highway in America. The biohazard people were called, and they deduced it was bull semen, probably fallen off a truck headed for breeding yards.
The headline?

Toxic Waste Scare Load of Bull