A thread for anything both food related and funny:-
Jokes, quotes, one liners, stories, news - anything goes, but you gotta' laugh!
eg The trouble with italian food is five or six days later your hungry again.
I love children, but I couldn't eat a whole one [WC fields]
Thre are two things in my life I like firm and one of them is jelly [Mae West]
A Dutchman who has lived exclusively on a diet of commercial pigeon food for the last three years claims it could be the answer to world faline. Soaked over night and then boiled, he claims it as all the nutritional requrements to sustain life, and in a healthy balance. "I've eaten three platefulls a day for three years and haven't had a day sick since I started. I've never felt better in my life!" he told reporters. "Why they don't ship it out by the lorry load to areas of food shortage is beyond me."
Gastrohumour
Moderator: Menolly
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peter
- The Gap Into Spam
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Gastrohumour
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
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peter
- The Gap Into Spam
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According to the discerning cannibal the tastiest people on earth to eat are the French as compared with their near neighbours the spanish, who are virtually inedible.
In the wilds of Afghanistan I lost my corkscrew. We survived for days on nothing but food and water! [w c feilds].
I don't drink water. Fish f*** in it. [ibid]
In the wilds of Afghanistan I lost my corkscrew. We survived for days on nothing but food and water! [w c feilds].
I don't drink water. Fish f*** in it. [ibid]
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
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Vraith
- The Gap Into Spam
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- Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:03 pm
- Location: everywhere, all the time
On the cannibal theme:
two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks at the other and asks "Does this taste funny to you?"
Only partly food joke...also partly the classic elephant joke genre:
what do you get when you cross an elephant with a peanut butter sandwich?
either and elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth, or a peanut butter sandwich that never forgets.
Why invite a mushroom to your party? He's a fungi.
two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks at the other and asks "Does this taste funny to you?"
Only partly food joke...also partly the classic elephant joke genre:
what do you get when you cross an elephant with a peanut butter sandwich?
either and elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth, or a peanut butter sandwich that never forgets.
Why invite a mushroom to your party? He's a fungi.
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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peter
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Yes - that's the spirit V. Now we're on a roll let's keep this baby moving! 
On the subject of peanut butter [surly one of the finest foods known to man] there are an unfortunate group of people who suffer from an unrealistic fear of it's tacky and glutinous 'mouth feel' so in respect to them I give you:-
Arachibutyrophobia - the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
A man walks down the road carrying a basket of eggs. He meets a man coming in the opposit direction who buys half of his eggs plus one half of an egg. Continuing on he meets a second man who again buys one half of his remaining eggs plus one half of an egg. A third encounter occurs and again he sells half of his egg plus another half of an egg and at this point the man has sold all of his eggs. Question - How many eggs had he to begin with? [It's easy for me to ask - I've got the answer in front of me
].
The first meal eaten on the surface of the moon by Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin was roast turkey with all the trimmings [served in foil trays and not from a toothpaste tube as popularly believed].
On the subject of peanut butter [surly one of the finest foods known to man] there are an unfortunate group of people who suffer from an unrealistic fear of it's tacky and glutinous 'mouth feel' so in respect to them I give you:-
Arachibutyrophobia - the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
A man walks down the road carrying a basket of eggs. He meets a man coming in the opposit direction who buys half of his eggs plus one half of an egg. Continuing on he meets a second man who again buys one half of his remaining eggs plus one half of an egg. A third encounter occurs and again he sells half of his egg plus another half of an egg and at this point the man has sold all of his eggs. Question - How many eggs had he to begin with? [It's easy for me to ask - I've got the answer in front of me
].The first meal eaten on the surface of the moon by Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin was roast turkey with all the trimmings [served in foil trays and not from a toothpaste tube as popularly believed].
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
George Carlin - Where Is All the Blue Food? www.youtube.com/watch?v=l04dn8Msm-Y
^"Amusing, worth talking to, completely insane...pick your favourite." - Avatar
https://variousglimpses.wordpress.com
https://variousglimpses.wordpress.com
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peter
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Bizzare - I posted here yesterday and my post seems to have vanished! Perhaps I pressed the wrong button or something!
Quick recap - Av, bang on correct [I'll pm you about that because something interests me about this.]
Classic 'Tommy Cooper' sketch:-
[must be performed mentally in a TC (Cooper that is) voice]
"Aha ha. I went out for a lovely meal last night - ordered it in french. Waiter was suprised, it was a chinese restaurant!
"I'll have the chicken" I said. When he brought it over I said "This chicken's cold". "It should be" he said, "It's been dead two weeks". "It's got one leg longer than the other!" I said, "What do you want to do", he said "eat it or dance with it".
Quick recap - Av, bang on correct [I'll pm you about that because something interests me about this.]
Classic 'Tommy Cooper' sketch:-
[must be performed mentally in a TC (Cooper that is) voice]
"Aha ha. I went out for a lovely meal last night - ordered it in french. Waiter was suprised, it was a chinese restaurant!
"I'll have the chicken" I said. When he brought it over I said "This chicken's cold". "It should be" he said, "It's been dead two weeks". "It's got one leg longer than the other!" I said, "What do you want to do", he said "eat it or dance with it".
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
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Savor Dam
- Will Be Herd!
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Not very often, Ms. #4 most prolific poster on the Watch. Only Av, Sarge, and Cail surpass you...and they all frequent fora you will not willingly read, much less post to.Menolly wrote:I've hit "Preview" instead of "Submit," and then forgot to press the "Submit" button.
Love prevails.
~ Tracie Mckinney-Hammon
Change is not a process for the impatient.
~ Barbara Reinhold
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul, can always count on the support of Paul.
~ George Bernard Shaw
~ Tracie Mckinney-Hammon
Change is not a process for the impatient.
~ Barbara Reinhold
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul, can always count on the support of Paul.
~ George Bernard Shaw
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Menolly
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Maybe so, but at the frequency of posts per day, I won't surpass any of those three.Savor Dam wrote:Not very often, Ms. #4 most prolific poster on the Watch. Only Av, Sarge, and Cail surpass you...and they all frequent fora you will not willingly read, much less post to.Menolly wrote:I've hit "Preview" instead of "Submit," and then forgot to press the "Submit" button.
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sgt.null
- Jack of Odd Trades, Master of Fun
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heck I was at home for months with my ankle surgery and didn't come close to Av.Menolly wrote:Maybe so, but at the frequency of posts per day, I won't surpass any of those three.Savor Dam wrote:Not very often, Ms. #4 most prolific poster on the Watch. Only Av, Sarge, and Cail surpass you...and they all frequent fora you will not willingly read, much less post to.Menolly wrote:I've hit "Preview" instead of "Submit," and then forgot to press the "Submit" button.
Lenin, Marx
Marx, Lennon
Good Dog...
Marx, Lennon
Good Dog...
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peter
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And so you are Av, and so you are .
Three boxes - one of apples, one of oranges and one a mix of the two. All boxes have lids with pictures of the contents but some klutz has mixed 'em up so all boxes have the wrong lid on. By opening one box only to view the conents, determine the contents of the other two boxes beyond a reasonable shadow of doubt!
The tin opener was invented in 1855 - forty years after the tin!
.Three boxes - one of apples, one of oranges and one a mix of the two. All boxes have lids with pictures of the contents but some klutz has mixed 'em up so all boxes have the wrong lid on. By opening one box only to view the conents, determine the contents of the other two boxes beyond a reasonable shadow of doubt!
The tin opener was invented in 1855 - forty years after the tin!
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
-
Vraith
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 10621
- Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:03 pm
- Location: everywhere, all the time
Hmmm...I believe if youpeter wrote:And so you are Av, and so you are
Three boxes - one of apples, one of oranges and one a mix of the two. All boxes have lids with pictures of the contents but some klutz has mixed 'em up so all boxes have the wrong lid on. By opening one box only to view the conents, determine the contents of the other two boxes beyond a reasonable shadow of doubt!
The tin opener was invented in 1855 - forty years after the tin!
Spoiler
lift the "mixed" lid, you will see either all apples or all oranges..if it is all apples, the oranges lid will be on the apples box, and the apples lid will be on the mixed box.
BTW, the best [as in always worked, never broke down, never got stuck, doesn't need power, superconvenient to carry, etc] can opener I ever had was issued me by the Army, hung on dog-tags chain, and was about the size of the last knuckle on a thumb. I think it was P-37? p-thirtysomething.
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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TheFallen
- Master of Innominate Surquedry
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I mildly disagree with you, vraith.Vraith wrote:Hmmm...I believe if youpeter wrote:And so you are Av, and so you are
Three boxes - one of apples, one of oranges and one a mix of the two. All boxes have lids with pictures of the contents but some klutz has mixed 'em up so all boxes have the wrong lid on. By opening one box only to view the conents, determine the contents of the other two boxes beyond a reasonable shadow of doubt!
The tin opener was invented in 1855 - forty years after the tin!Spoiler
lift the "mixed" lid, you will see either all apples or all oranges..if it is all apples, the oranges lid will be on the apples box, and the apples lid will be on the mixed box.
I believe
Spoiler
that it doesn't matter which lid you lift.
If you lift the "mixed" lid, your progression is logical. However, you'll achieve the same result with any lid you lift.
The "mixed" thing is a pure misdirection - it might as well be lemons, or herring, or anything else you fancy imagining.
There are three separate and visually distinct sets of contents and three three separate and visually distinct sets of lids.
The only important fact is that none of the lids match the contents - hence lift any lid and you'll be sure where everything is.
If you lift the "mixed" lid, your progression is logical. However, you'll achieve the same result with any lid you lift.
The "mixed" thing is a pure misdirection - it might as well be lemons, or herring, or anything else you fancy imagining.
There are three separate and visually distinct sets of contents and three three separate and visually distinct sets of lids.
The only important fact is that none of the lids match the contents - hence lift any lid and you'll be sure where everything is.
Newsflash: the word "irony" doesn't mean "a bit like iron" 
Shockingly, some people have claimed that I'm egocentric... but hey, enough about them
"If you strike me down, I shall become far stronger than you can possibly imagine."
_______________________________________________
I occasionally post things here because I am invariably correct on all matters, a thing which is educational for others less fortunate.
Shockingly, some people have claimed that I'm egocentric... but hey, enough about them
"If you strike me down, I shall become far stronger than you can possibly imagine."
_______________________________________________
I occasionally post things here because I am invariably correct on all matters, a thing which is educational for others less fortunate.
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Vraith
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You're right, of course, TF.
I just thought mine was the easiest to show in a single sentence...and to
joke that mixing apples and oranges is sometimes a good way to get a solution. [and isn't the whole thing a joke about mixing apples and oranges?]
I just thought mine was the easiest to show in a single sentence...and to
joke that mixing apples and oranges is sometimes a good way to get a solution. [and isn't the whole thing a joke about mixing apples and oranges?]
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
-
peter
- The Gap Into Spam
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Nailed it in one V! I can see I shall have to 'up the ante here a bit - at work my mates can't even follow the questions never mind get the answers! [nb I love 'em to bits anyway].Vraith wrote:Hmmm...I believe if youpeter wrote:And so you are Av, and so you are
Three boxes - one of apples, one of oranges and one a mix of the two. All boxes have lids with pictures of the contents but some klutz has mixed 'em up so all boxes have the wrong lid on. By opening one box only to view the conents, determine the contents of the other two boxes beyond a reasonable shadow of doubt!
The tin opener was invented in 1855 - forty years after the tin!Spoiler
lift the "mixed" lid, you will see either all apples or all oranges..if it is all apples, the oranges lid will be on the apples box, and the apples lid will be on the mixed box.
BTW, the best [as in always worked, never broke down, never got stuck, doesn't need power, superconvenient to carry, etc] can opener I ever had was issued me by the Army, hung on dog-tags chain, and was about the size of the last knuckle on a thumb. I think it was P-37? p-thirtysomething.
They used to line tin cans with lead of all things and I believe even poisoned the members of an early Antartic expedition thereby!
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
-
peter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11552
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:08 am
- Location: Another time. Another place.
- Been thanked: 6 times
The legendary Escoffier was reknowned throughout Paris and London for the deliciousness of his creations and with this in mind a gastronomically inclined bookworm decided to attend a ten course banquet prepared by the master himself. The banquet was held on the bookshelves in the kitchens of the Savoy Hotel, London and comprised the ten volumes of *Le Guide Culinaire* placed in order upon the said shelves. Each of the ten volumes was two inches wide and our bookworm, being a stickler for propriety began at the beginning of book one and proceeded in a straight line to the end of volume ten. Dabbing his mouth in a genteel fashion with a silken wipe the bookworm made the following grave prounouncement. "Escoffier, chef of kings and king of chefs, I salute you, for surely that was the best [???????] inches of books I have ever eaten!"
Question; Through how many inches of book did our gourmand gnash on his epic gustatory journey?
Question; Through how many inches of book did our gourmand gnash on his epic gustatory journey?
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
-
Vraith
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 10621
- Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:03 pm
- Location: everywhere, all the time
Emphasis, and answer [which is correct, BTW] mine.peter wrote:"Escoffier, chef of kings and king of chefs, I salute you, for surely that was the bestinches of books I have ever eaten!"Spoiler
SIXTEEN
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.