Win Deer's White Gold Dollars!!

[deer of the dawn]

Write a poem.

Not too long.

I will choose a "winner". Not that I'm any great judge, but since they're my WGDs I will pick one to give 'em to.

One winner per month (or so) as long as my WGDs hold out.

Prize: WGD1000.00

September's topic: What I learned, felt, saw, experienced, was hurt or healed by, this summer.

Go.

[Rau Le Creuset]

Jeremy The Swan
a terrible poem by Zeta prime:

Jeremy the swan
His neck was too long.

and so he flew away
away from his lake
leaving naught but sorrow in his wake

for he did not know the swan's loved him so..

Jeremy the swan did not return
for in his heart he had a burn

But in his place came short neck Jake
who was quick to take Jeremy's part of the lake

soon the other swans began to tire
of jakes arrogant ire

So they flew afar
almost like to touch the stars
for Jeremy's scar touched them too far.

The End

I just wrote the first poem of my life! even if it's terrible I am proud of my self. it's gonna take all my courage to click the submit button on this... here goes. oh yeah and my inspiration came from a lake I visited this summer.. it had swan's.. any characters portrayed in this poem are strictly fictional and made up by me.. meaning I never met Jeremy the swan.

[Linna Heartbooger]

I just wrote the first poem of my life!

Well, ya did it!

it's gonna take all my courage to click the submit button on this... here goes. oh yeah and my inspiration came from a lake I visited this summer.. it had swan's.. any characters portrayed in this poem are strictly fictional and made up by me.. meaning I never met Jeremy the swan.

Welcome to the Watch, Zeta'. =)

[ussusimiel]

As My Twin Dies

I can't make your heart beat
so we lie in these shadows
until you are called away.

Do you die for beauty?
Do I live for truth?
I can't make your heart beat.

From this bed of union,
from this swaddling womb
you are called away.

I hold you all unravished
like a newborn bride.
I can't make your heart beat.

You hold me with all
your unearthly might
but you are called away.

I can't make you heart beat, if it won't.
Here in these shadows I will lie down
beside you. Darkness is all I have
and now the Power is calling.
I take you in my arms,
and place you in the light.

I couldn't make your heartbeat
and you couldn't choose to stay.



Work in progress at the moment.

(It may be obvious that I have drawn from lots of sources for this piece. There are clear references to Dickinson ('I Died for Beauty but was Scarce') and Keats ('Ode to a Nightingale'). Less obvious maybe Larkin ('Talking in Bed') and a Bonnie Raitt song ('I can't Make You Love Me') written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin. The version of this song that I am drawing from is the one by Bon Iver.

I also started a thread a while ago about twins.

u.



[EDITS: to fix typos.]

[deer of the dawn]

Jeremy: loved it. Told a story, great ending. Well done, and welcome!

ussussimiel: devastating.

[Rau Le Creuset]

@ deer and linna

Thanks :3

[sgt.null]

summary of summer

equinoxes and solstices,
seasonal lag, the last
unfinished game of tag.

the tilt of a planet's semi-
axis, daylight is continuous,
still searching for Abraxas.

it must be the heat, and
not the humidity? none
of this makes for humility.

a bit of nonsense, gravity
doesn't win, three other
sources where it begins.

a riddle, a puzzle, a break
and a box. summer is over,
time to change the locks.

[deer of the dawn]

Wow, Sarge. A poem of yours I "got" the first time through!! Thank you. Perfect last line.

[sgt.null]

Thanks. Julie really likes it as well.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Friends and Family

Look at you!
With your smile that creases your whole face,
and warms the whole room.
You're the one who talks sense -
the only sane person in this town!
And your sister - she laughs just like you.
You guys are a scream!
And you're the one who went ahead of me:
You have loved me.

Look at you!
So beautiful in your wedding dress.
(If only I could convince you you are beautiful!)
My little sister.
You're the one who I've let down.
Yes, you know I love you - but
I'll keep taking a stab at being a good friend, too.

Listen to you!
With a flood of sincere thoughts seldom spoken,
worries you wrestle with, and good things you see.
You're the one who is scared, and who spent her last dollar,
but still has a tender heart.
I think you will triumph.
You'll never guess how much you've blessed me.

Look at you!
Except I can't, because you live there and I live here.
You're the one who drives me crazy,
but I still want to keep caring for. Dad!
If I say, "I forgive you," you won't believe me.
And you shouldn't, for talk really is cheap,
just like you always said.
I'd better convince you,
but I'm running out of time.

Authors' notes:
Each verse describes a different person from RL.
(nope, none are about anyone from the Watch!)
One fun thing:
The first line - "Look at you" - is actually taken from the friend who I describe in the first verse.
She regularly greets women (whether they're 14 or 94 or any age in between) saying, "Look at you! So cute in that blue dress!" (or "So cute with your new haircut!", or...)

[deer of the dawn]

I love this, Linna!! Put a big smile on my tired face today.

[deer of the dawn]

All right, September is drawing to a close and I have to make my selection. This is hard.

Zeta, I loved that it was your first effort, and hopefully not your "swan song" in poems.

Sarge, you are so accomplished, every word in your poem reeks of the flavor of summer's end.

Linna, even if we hadn't met in person I would know the sound of your voice by that poem!!

But it was ussussimiel who tore a place in my heart open. He gets 1000 WGDs this month. And the rest of you might find a little surprise in your treasure box, as well because each of you blessed me beyond measure.

For October's poem: Halloween takes it's name from "All Hallow's Eve", all hallow's day being November 1: all saints day. Saints aren't floating phantasms too good for this world; instead they are like Teresa of Calcutta, getting their hands dirty and loving the unlovable. We all know someone like that, don't we? Write about a saint you know, even if it's the kid next door.

[sgt.null]

congrats ussussimiel.

will start on the saints poem now.

[ussusimiel]

Thanks Deer! And thanks for starting the thread.

I enjoyed all the other entries that were shared.

Here's an old one of mine. Not really related to All Hallow's but it does allude to ghostly stuff and it's about a saint (It's not an entry. If I write a new one I'll submit it later on.)



Haunting

Doing your chores while you’re away
I make the sounds you cause to be made.
The washing-machine, the tumble-dryer,
the hiss of cooking chops.

Washing up in the kitchen
I leave it the way you would leave it.
The table wiped, the sink scrubbed,
the teacups dried.

Hanging clothes on the line
I paint the back garden the colours
you would paint it. Blue of jeans,
jumper greens; the sheets, white.

Folding clothes I find the neatness
that always sneaks into our shirts
and the sweet clean smell of home,
returns.


u.

[deer of the dawn]

Thanks for that, u. It seems very October-ish, somehow; Fall makes me more domestic. I'm so glad i started this thread too.

[wayfriend]

I don't write poetry, but I wrote this poem for the contest, misunderstanding the criterial. So I know this doesn't qualify ... but now I got a poem with no where to go. So I am posting this on the premise of why-the-heck-not. Comments appreciated.

• Really Asked the Djinn
  
  "Really?" asked the djinn
  with chagrin.
  
  "Oh, yes; it's what I want"
  I filled in.
  
  The djinn's eyes rolled in
  as he searched his bargain
  for an escape clause.
  But it was not there.
  
  He asked me why
  not hiding a sigh.
  
  "I'm a patient guy
  But I get really tired
  of never knowing
  what's going on"
  said I.
  
  "You know?"
  
  The djinn did not reply
  but he asked me to continue
  with the focus of his eye.
  
  "It's like this.
  I want to know everything
  for a change.
  
  I want to know
  why people do what they do.
  I want to know
  why we're here
  and why it's like we shouldn't be.
  
  I want to know
  what will happen next week
  and will I be doing okay
  when I'm sixty
  and how do I tell Dad
  I'm sorry
  And if I should.
  
  I want to know
  how gravity pulls us together,
  and what makes dreams real,
  and do stars sing
  and what do they sing
  to each other
  to be less alone.
  
  I want to know everything.
  That's my wish."
  
  "Very well" said the djinn
  with an insincere grin.
  
  There was smoke
  and a flash
  and I felt my heart spin.
  
  And I knew.
  
  I knew why people
  do what they do.
  Why we're here,
  what it's all for, too.
  
  I knew songs
  sung by stars
  to take the loneliness away.
  I knew how dreams
  and gravity
  are the song.
  I knew my Dad loved me
  in his way
  and I knew what way.
  
  I knew my whole life
  from end
  to end.
  
  I knew about
  a guy in a bunker
  far below the grass
  of Nebraska
  named Max.
  
  I knew
  Max knew everything.
  He'd known for a while.
  He'd met the same djinn
  and asked the same wish.
  I knew
  he knew
  I knew everything now too
  and that he knew
  that I knew that.
  
  I knew why
  Max didn't want to share the world
  with someone else
  who knew everything too.
  Knowing everything has advantages
  if your the only one who knows.
  I didn't blame him.
  I would be the same.
  
  I knew about
  the smart bullet
  that Max had built
  a wonder
  of microchip design
  that could steer itself
  with an AI
  that was damned smart.
  It was named Dave.
  I knew Dave
  had been fired
  a few moments ago
  and had crossed the world
  at bullet speed
  and was just about here.
  
  I ducked.
  
  But even Dave knew
  I would do that.

[deer of the dawn]

I love it, wayfriend!! A good short story in verse form.

[Linna Heartbooger]

First of all, ussussumiel, I love your October poem!!!
It is beautiful: I like the rhythm, and those are images that I really automatically "fill in the details" for.
It's like it's about someone creating art amid two hands steadily, working through task after task, and leaving a lot to be missed in the spaces behind.

I -always- need something more in my arsenal to fight the gloomy ole assumption that working away at all the "everyday mundane tasks" is unimportant and dull.
Of course, the poem was written for someone other than me, but I'm re-appropriating it as a story to encourage me to be beautiful like that!

These are my favorite lines:

Folding clothes I find the neatness
that always sneaks into our shirts..

wf- I was pretty amused by your poem.
I especially liked the transition from the things that the guy wanted to know about to... this:

I knew about
a guy in a bunker
far below the grass
of Nebraska
named Max.

Jarring at first, (I was like "What just happened there?") but then hilarious.

[sgt.null]

Sonny (a good boy...)

the great Grunter
Stinkbottom once
unfettered and frothing,
now staid to his trothing.

at night we shelter
in place, under his
imperial aegis, deep
in the heart of Tejas.

brindled and trying to
herd the unheard.
we no longer have
to spell out the words.

he has been our good
boy and our better son.
and truth to the telling,
we are the fortunate ones.

[sgt.null]

an homage to our dog, our Saint - Sonny.

based in part on Robert Frost's Canis Major.

Canis Major
by Robert Frost

The great Overdog
That heavenly beast
With a star in one eye
Gives a leap in the east.

He dances upright
All the way to the west
And never once drops
On his forefeet to rest.

I'm a poor underdog,
But to-night I will bark
With the great Overdog
That romps through the dark.

I stole the word staid
from Robert Frost's - the Witch of Coos.

the part of spelling out the words comes from
something we once had to do. Sonny learned the words
go and bye. but now he has gone deaf.