Kevin's Watch

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:31 am**

Hurray for a child
That makes it through
If there's any way
Because the answer lies in you
They're laid to rest
Before they've known just what to do
Their souls are lost
Because they could never find

What's this life for
What's this life for
What's this life for

I see your soul, it's kind of gray
You see my heart, you look away
You see my wrist, I know your pain
I know your purpose on your plane
Don't say a last prayer

Because you could never find

What's this life for
What's this life for
What's this life for

But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle the score
Cause we all live
Under the reign of one king

But they ain't here anymore,
Don't have to settle no Goddamn score
'Cause we all live under the reign,
I said, you know, of

One king
One king
One king

But they ain't here anymore,
Don't have to settle no Goddamn score
'Cause we all live under the reign
I said, you know, of

One king
One king
One king

But they ain't here anymore,
Don't have to settle no Goddamn score
Cause we all live under the reign
Of one king

Sorry to reference a song by Creed, but it's one I happen to like. I am 40 years old, will be 41 pretty soon. My grandparents are gone, my parents are in their mid 60s. Mortality is metaphorically staring me in the face. Folk wisdom says we have two lives, and the second begins once we realize we only have one. (I love that paradox.) So I think I'm at that point, and have been thinking lately where I should put my energies in the home stretch as it were.

Setting aside the Christian connotations of the song I quoted, I was wondering who has an opinion about what is a good use of one's life, what is the "One King" that must be served. Some admittedly incomplete ideas:

Procreation and the unconditional love that entails
Love someone greatly
Become a person you admire / self improvement / self actualization
Be creative and take risks, challenge yourself
Pleasure / wealth / comfort
Spiritual growth
Serve others
Serve principles of your choosing with honesty, integrity, and courage
To know one's self
Know God / discover one's place in the cosmic order / achieve transcendent peace

Thoughts?

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:20 am**

SUCCESS

To laugh often and much
to win the respect of intelligent people
and affection of children; to earn the
appreciation of honest critics and
endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, to find the best
in others; to leave the world a bit
better, whether by a healthy child
a garden patch or redeemed
social condition; to know even
one life has breathed easier because
you have lived. This is to have
succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

--A

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:26 am**

Emerson was one wise sumbitch. I read Self Reliance every now and again. Maybe I need a dose of that and some poetry or other. Any recommendations there?

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:07 am**

I find Eliot's Four Quartets good for meditating on mortality and its meaning:

Time present and time past
are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable....

...And all shall be well
And all manner of thing shall be well
when the tongues of flame are enfolded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

u.

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 12:40 pm**

Ok, I have nothing to quote but I still find this post especially relevant right now.

My father's girlfriend died recently and I am watching a man spin out of control. He is a person whose singular relevancy is based on his value to another person. He has actually said I have no relevancy in this world now. I used to have a very glib, self righteous response when he said that to me, that he should find his own value in himself yada yada yada.

But recently my own circumstances has shaken my own sense of self to the core. Walking away from my job and everything I knew leaves a huge gap in my world. I am not just talking about filling the time gap.No huge job, no foster kids, no house...well it has left me with my own relevancy issues. How am I of value anymore? In the end it is the same issue my father has, isn't it? Assessing your value based on the outside world.

I think that really it's all about balance. Like Av's quote, learn to laugh and appreciate the moments. I have slowly come to realize that being relevant doesn't have to be a huge thing. Everything in my past life had to be huge and sacrificial. I managed to exclude me from my own life. I had to have people say wow how amazing I was. I have slowly come to realize that being relevant doesn't have to be a huge thing, that bringing my leftover garden veggies to the food pantry can be enough.

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 4:37 pm**

To cast your raw experience as widely and as deeply as possible, and just as importantly, to be a deep part of others experiences.

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 4:40 pm**

Thanks for that post lorin. I think I've been acting out a white knight hero fantasy in certain ways, but I've just been realizing lately that not only can you not save people from themselves, it really isn't healthy to make the attempt in a way that nullifies your own needs. For a number of reasons, but particularly because it leads me to resentment and being passive aggressive.

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:24 pm**

Remember the episode of Northern Exposure when Ed fought the demon External Validation for the woman who raced in her wheelchair?

Here's another thought: This life is for about 80 years.

Posted: **Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:00 pm**

Mongnihilo wrote:...not only can you not save people from themselves, it really isn't healthy to make the attempt in a way that nullifies your own needs.

THE JOURNEY
by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only that you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

u.

Posted: **Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:58 am**

lorin wrote:How am I of value anymore? In the end it is the same issue my father has, isn't it? Assessing your value based on the outside world.

Yes. I've always considered my "value" or self-worth to be entirely independent of others or the outside world or what I happen to be doing. Of course, that might just make me self-centered...

--A

Posted: **Sun Sep 01, 2013 11:00 am**

Mongnihilo wrote:Thanks for that post lorin. I think I've been acting out a white knight hero fantasy in certain ways, but I've just been realizing lately that not only can you not save people from themselves, it really isn't healthy to make the attempt in a way that nullifies your own needs. For a number of reasons, but particularly because it leads me to resentment and being passive aggressive.

That's me, me, me , me! Especially with the kids. I did EVERYTHING to make their life wonderful to exclusion of myself, then I was resentful when they didn't show me enough gratitude.

BTW - for the last month, since I've been back, I am looking at your posts and trying to figure out who you are and why I missed more than 2000 posts. Then finally I read the bottom of your page and become aware of your past lives.

ussusimiel wrote: One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only that you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.[/size]
u.

It's interesting that my friend sent me this poem when I walked out of the job. It is amazing.

Fist and Faith wrote:Remember the episode of Northern Exposure when Ed fought the demon External Validation for the woman who raced in her wheelchair?.

Interesting.... I don't remember that episode. Selective amnesia? Luckily I have them all so it gives me an excuse to start watching the series.

Avatar wrote: I've always considered my "value" or self-worth to be entirely independent of others or the outside world or what I happen to be doing.
--A

I've always had a theory, from reading your posts, that you are a more evolved life form.

Are value and self worth two different things?

Posted: **Sun Sep 01, 2013 3:33 pm**

This life is for aiding the successful development of a Global Mind so that we'll be deemed worthy of entering the Galactic Mind, and eventually the Universal Mind.

Or maybe we're the first ones to get this far, and we'll build those later.

But I have a feeling that the Angels and Demons are watching, those who are farther along the path, curious about which direction we'll take this 4 billion year experiment.

Posted: **Sun Sep 01, 2013 5:08 pm**

Zarathustra wrote:This life is for aiding the successful development of a Global Mind so that we'll be deemed worthy of entering the Galactic Mind, and eventually the Universal Mind.

Or maybe we're the first ones to get this far, and we'll build those later.

But I have a feeling that the Angels and Demons are watching, those who are farther along the path, curious about which direction we'll take this 4 billion year experiment.

hmmmm sounds like we are getting a little snippet of your book.

Posted: **Sun Sep 01, 2013 8:33 pm**

Zarathustra wrote:This life is for aiding the successful development of a Global Mind so that we'll be deemed worthy of entering the Galactic Mind, and eventually the Universal Mind.

Julian May's Galactic Milieu.

Posted: **Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:24 am**

lorin wrote:Are value and self worth two different things?

If you want them to be.

--A

Posted: **Mon Sep 02, 2013 3:32 pm**

lorin wrote:hmmmm sounds like we are getting a little snippet of your book.

Well, mostly I was just being silly. A few beers and a little boredom.

But these issues are deep in my thoughts. I do think it's obvious that we're forming a kind of collective mind. We're talking about Big Data in the Tank, and what this means philosophically is probably just as interesting as the social/economical/political implications. The collection, storage, and analysis of our choices, communications, social networks, preferences, interests, desires ... all of this is linking us into a larger awareness of ourselves and each other, for a population that is just staggering.

Fist and Faith wrote:
Zarathustra wrote:This life is for aiding the successful development of a Global Mind so that we'll be deemed worthy of entering the Galactic Mind, and eventually the Universal Mind.
Julian May's Galactic Milieu.

Sounds interesting. I'll have to check that out. I was thinking of later books in Asimov's Foundation series, where they contemplate issues of world-minds and humanity as a collective, in order for the Laws of Robotics to be applied universally.

Posted: **Mon Sep 02, 2013 3:54 pm**

Ah. It's been so long since I read Foundation that I forgot a lot.

Re Julian May, when you saw a list of character names:
Atoning Unifex
Asymptotic Essence
Noetic Concordance
Homologous Trend
Eupathic Impulse
Resolute Mandament

you said this:

Zarathustra wrote:"Noetic concordance" is really cool. I might have to read some of this author for that name alone.

So there's two reasons to read it. Start with Intervention.

Posted: **Mon Sep 02, 2013 4:08 pm**

Wow, you've got a heck of a memory for that detail from a 2007 discussion!

I was recently talking about noesis and noema in the Platonic Mathematics thread. My study of Husserl must have been why I originally thought the name was cool.

I went back to the Wiki description of the series (and spoiled myself on the whole thing

), and remember now doing the same thing in 2007 ... and then quickly forgetting about it. I meant to read this. Thanks for reminding me.

Posted: **Mon Sep 02, 2013 4:19 pm**

Zarathustra wrote:I went back to the Wiki description of the series (and spoiled myself on the whole thing ), and remember now doing the same thing in 2007

Posted: **Mon Sep 02, 2013 9:10 pm**

I like life when it's placid. But right now I may be about to lose out on that passiveness a bit since I'm going back to school to try for a more practical education (1st day of class is tomorrow). I'll accept it if I don't do well as long as I try, but if I don't work responsibly then I will probably feel very lost and pointless as things come crumbling down. I'm definitely afraid to be returning to school. In work, it seems I've always been appraised at the very least as enthusiastic and hard-working, but I've never really had the same commitment to proactively satisfying the more extended (in terms of time) assignments and learning requirements (i.e. bundling up a nest of knowledge for an exam) that school tends to require. So the goal is to reverse that trend under the assumption that it's always been a matter of laziness.

While I view it as a severe abuse in terms of any social responsibilities, I put the past two years mostly to work as an extended vacation, and I won't say I did not enjoy that time, because I did. Even so, I do think I'll enjoy work more if I obtain some after obtaining my certification (right now looking at radiology - not as a doctor but as a technician). Of course, it might be that that work is a bit more routine and a bit less nuanced than some of the work I've done prior (certainly it doesn't get much less nuanced than what I was doing recently, though).

Kevin's Watch

What's This Life For

What's This Life For