Kevin's Watch

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

#5. Definitely #5!

18. Originality is the ability to forget where you got an idea.

Some people never learn #5.

I've done #10.

19. There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle's.

20. Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

21. If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you.

22. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

lorin wrote:Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

That was an important one.

--A

Avatar wrote:

lorin wrote:Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

That was an important one.

--A

I KNEW I would hear from you on this one! One of my favs.

23. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

24. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Creativity is saying "sc*w knowledge and wisdom" and finding out tomato in fruit salad works fine.

#11 is hitting a little too close to home...or it would if I thought I was sexy...or drank beer...

Those are clever; I'm not clever enough to think of one though.

I love 17. I know an 80 year old lady who goes "to help the old people"!

Professor Paraprosdokians and the Spanish Inquisition.
(Just admit it, you didn't expect it.)

Iolanthe wrote:I love 17. I know an 80 year old lady who goes "to help the old people"!

My grandparents (close to 80) get annoyed at "old biddies".

25. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

lorin wrote:26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Isn't that already #3?

Vader wrote:

lorin wrote:26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Isn't that already #3?

Type is faster than light. It came around twice.

26a. Light travels faster than sound. In point of fact, light travels faster than anything else. That is why it is good to stay on the side of the light.