The Peters Hangover Scale
Moderator: Menolly
- peter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11566
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:08 am
- Location: Another time. Another place.
- Been thanked: 6 times
The Peters Hangover Scale
Hangover ratings 1 to 5 in increasing order of severity, with notes for the classification thereof.
Grade 1 The Miracle Hangover
Also known as The Ghost Hangover, this is the hangover that for some reason, inexplicable to science or reason, fails to happen. We've all been there - you've gone to bed lashed to the gills expecting to wake up hanging out of your arse, and when morning comes, instead it's like you've stepped out into the opening frames of a My Little Pony episode.
Grade 2 The Trembler
Ok - you've had a few over the eight, you feel a bit shakey inside, a bit raw round the edges, but a few coffee shots and a couple of gaspers should set things to rights. You've got to go to work, but at worst a light sheen of perspiration should be the only evidence of your inner dipso.
Grade 3 The Sweater
Holy crap, that last bottle of plonk was a mistake! Any exertion beyond lifting your trembling coffee-cup to your wine stained teeth will have you sweating like Red-Rum finishing the National! Please God, don't let the boss come in today!
Grade 4 The Wringer
That is the last jag you are going on - ever! You've phoned in sick and can barely face the bacon sandwich your palsy afflicted hand is raising to your enslobbered mouth. You flinch at the slightest eye contact with your fellow man and struggle even with sitting in a chair in front of the TV. The core of your being is a faecal vortex.
Grade 5 The Shredder
Here you are, at the hangover level most novices can only dream of the fabled Shredder! The day oddly enough starts OK, because a) you are still shit-faced from last night and b) you can't (yet) remember what you have done! But this is merely the calm before the storm. Gradually the results of your bender begin to creep in - flash backs of horror inducing memory surrounded by a black hole of amnesia that you know is even worse. As your physical decline begins to take hold your mental architecture starts to crumble correspondingly. At this stage you'd give a years wage to feel as good as the guy in Munch's The Scream! The wings of madness flap around your head and you retreat to bed in a darkened room where even lying still is too much to bear. Eventually you fall into a sweat soaked and intermittent sleep, from which the following morning you emerge, shaking and unnerved, resolving that that will never - never! - happen again (till next time that is ). Congratulations my friend - you've survived The Shredder!
Nb. Some will be surprised not to hear mention of splitting headaches and nausea in the above classification. While significant aspects of the post-drinking process they are not of themselves part of the 'hangover' proper. This is what remains after the asprins and anti-emetics have done their job. That shakey, churney fraying of the soul, the cure for which (short of unscrewing another bottle of Jack) has yet to be discovered.
Grade 1 The Miracle Hangover
Also known as The Ghost Hangover, this is the hangover that for some reason, inexplicable to science or reason, fails to happen. We've all been there - you've gone to bed lashed to the gills expecting to wake up hanging out of your arse, and when morning comes, instead it's like you've stepped out into the opening frames of a My Little Pony episode.
Grade 2 The Trembler
Ok - you've had a few over the eight, you feel a bit shakey inside, a bit raw round the edges, but a few coffee shots and a couple of gaspers should set things to rights. You've got to go to work, but at worst a light sheen of perspiration should be the only evidence of your inner dipso.
Grade 3 The Sweater
Holy crap, that last bottle of plonk was a mistake! Any exertion beyond lifting your trembling coffee-cup to your wine stained teeth will have you sweating like Red-Rum finishing the National! Please God, don't let the boss come in today!
Grade 4 The Wringer
That is the last jag you are going on - ever! You've phoned in sick and can barely face the bacon sandwich your palsy afflicted hand is raising to your enslobbered mouth. You flinch at the slightest eye contact with your fellow man and struggle even with sitting in a chair in front of the TV. The core of your being is a faecal vortex.
Grade 5 The Shredder
Here you are, at the hangover level most novices can only dream of the fabled Shredder! The day oddly enough starts OK, because a) you are still shit-faced from last night and b) you can't (yet) remember what you have done! But this is merely the calm before the storm. Gradually the results of your bender begin to creep in - flash backs of horror inducing memory surrounded by a black hole of amnesia that you know is even worse. As your physical decline begins to take hold your mental architecture starts to crumble correspondingly. At this stage you'd give a years wage to feel as good as the guy in Munch's The Scream! The wings of madness flap around your head and you retreat to bed in a darkened room where even lying still is too much to bear. Eventually you fall into a sweat soaked and intermittent sleep, from which the following morning you emerge, shaking and unnerved, resolving that that will never - never! - happen again (till next time that is ). Congratulations my friend - you've survived The Shredder!
Nb. Some will be surprised not to hear mention of splitting headaches and nausea in the above classification. While significant aspects of the post-drinking process they are not of themselves part of the 'hangover' proper. This is what remains after the asprins and anti-emetics have done their job. That shakey, churney fraying of the soul, the cure for which (short of unscrewing another bottle of Jack) has yet to be discovered.
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
- peter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11566
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:08 am
- Location: Another time. Another place.
- Been thanked: 6 times
Alas to my shame Av, I've done the Shredder more than once! Happily I'm beyond that point now and seem to have perfected the art of stopping just before the hangover level begins. I could have included The Seedy, but again it's too low level to qualify as a hangover really as it barely lasts more than an hour or two before you are back to your normal self bestriding the world like a Collosus!
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
- peter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11566
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:08 am
- Location: Another time. Another place.
- Been thanked: 6 times
Odd thing that hangovers do get progressively worse as you get older: when I was young I could drink all night, sleep it off and wake up ready for round two. I think the first time I really understood it's potential to cause pain was after a night mixing cider and wine (with a topping of whiskey) - now that was a headache!
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
- peter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11566
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:08 am
- Location: Another time. Another place.
- Been thanked: 6 times
Interesting development pertinent to this thread for lovers of all things alcoholic, scientists somewhere are reporting that they have developed an ethanol substitute that has all of the properties of booze in respect of its ability to get you stoned .......... but leaves you fresh as a daisy the following morning! That's right - a rip-roaring, up a lamp-post full on ripped to the tits jag, and no hangover! Oh glorious day that I should bear witness to such things...........!
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
- peter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 11566
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:08 am
- Location: Another time. Another place.
- Been thanked: 6 times
Indeed, one of the key advantages of 'charge' was it's capacity to leave you unscathed the morning after a good session the night before. In fact an odd property I found, was that (and I'm talking pre-skunk days when your hash came natural from whatever part of the globe it was produced in) each type of hash/weed had a top level of 'high' beyond which, no matter how much more you smoked, it would not take you. There was none of booze's cumulative effect (beyond a given point) until you were dead on the floor!
The truth is a Lion and does not need protection. Once free it will look after itself.
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
....and the glory of the world becomes less than it was....
'Have we not served you well'
'Of course - you know you have.'
'Then let it end.'
We are the Bloodguard
- Skyweir
- Lord of Light
- Posts: 25363
- Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2002 6:27 am
- Location: Australia
- Has thanked: 2 times
- Been thanked: 18 times
HahahAha
I love to go out and have a few drinks. Ive only had a few hangovers, and they werent too bad given the hammering the bod got.
We dont drink often, maybe a couple of times a week, we might have a wine with our meal, or if its a hotnight and well have a beer sitting on the back deck raking in the day.
If I go out Ill have a couple, get a bit tipsy maybe a bit wobbly but not till I feel ill.
I dont know why but my kids love to get mum a little tipsy Yes theyre adults Its fun and I love having a goooooooood laugh.
Mmmm... and Im always mixing drinks. If its a party its shots, wine, cocktails, beer whatever.
I love cocktails but theyre so damn expensive - so like to make them when friends come over. We did this at Xmas it was great.
I like getting a little high, I love that feeling. Smoking pot doesnt work for me lol.. best pot moment was smoking while watching LOTRs that was really awesome. Nice, surreal fun.
I dont enjoy alcohol if I go beyond tipsy .. I hate that heavy feeling.
I love to go out and have a few drinks. Ive only had a few hangovers, and they werent too bad given the hammering the bod got.
We dont drink often, maybe a couple of times a week, we might have a wine with our meal, or if its a hotnight and well have a beer sitting on the back deck raking in the day.
If I go out Ill have a couple, get a bit tipsy maybe a bit wobbly but not till I feel ill.
I dont know why but my kids love to get mum a little tipsy Yes theyre adults Its fun and I love having a goooooooood laugh.
Mmmm... and Im always mixing drinks. If its a party its shots, wine, cocktails, beer whatever.
I love cocktails but theyre so damn expensive - so like to make them when friends come over. We did this at Xmas it was great.
I like getting a little high, I love that feeling. Smoking pot doesnt work for me lol.. best pot moment was smoking while watching LOTRs that was really awesome. Nice, surreal fun.
I dont enjoy alcohol if I go beyond tipsy .. I hate that heavy feeling.
keep smiling
'Smoke me a kipper .. I'll be back for breakfast!'
EZBoard SURVIVOR
- Skyweir
- Lord of Light
- Posts: 25363
- Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2002 6:27 am
- Location: Australia
- Has thanked: 2 times
- Been thanked: 18 times
Ive really not had more than maybe two hangovers in my life time. Well to be fair only started drinking when I was 52. LOL Late bloomer
So not a big drinker but I really love a drink now. But we have drinking guide above, cheers Pete. What do you find a good fix for having that one too many?
So not a big drinker but I really love a drink now. But we have drinking guide above, cheers Pete. What do you find a good fix for having that one too many?
keep smiling
'Smoke me a kipper .. I'll be back for breakfast!'
EZBoard SURVIVOR