Kevin's Watch

I admit it, I'm a Hallmark movie addict.

It started over the summer.
My siblings and I would each occasionally watch one and then text each other making fun of the ridiculous scenarios and how they concluded.

But the the Halloween and Fall movies started and I was watching more and more and now I'm recording the Christmas ones......I'm hooked.

The number of small unnamed European Kingdoms that had a Prince looking for a bride but ended up marrying the nanny or the matchmaker was astounding!

In the Hallmark Universe towns only have one road in and out and if the road gets flooded everyone has to stay in town until the road is fixed despite everyone having trucks and ATV's because that forces the main characters to stay and fall in love.

In the Hallmark Universe everyone skates in the winter.

In the Hallmark Universe there is no sickness worse than a cold, crime is insignificant, "demanding" bosses are actually nice, no politics, no sexual themes, no poverty, no hunger, no religious themes, no abuse, no drugs, no interracial couples, no homosexuality, no social issues get discussed at all, nothing a to make you even think about...anything really.

The Hallmark Universe follows certain rules: The female ends the relationship and the male understands why and agrees that they weren't meant to be together. Everyone skates. Everyone dresses well. It always snows on Christmas. Houses are immaculate. The first real kiss as the characters fall in love is usually interrupted but the movie always ends with a kiss. All important life changing legal documents are kept in a cardboard box.

Unlike the Disney Universe, if you're a parent of the main character there is a very good chance you're still alive. Grandparents too! Divorce is rare but female spouses with kids die frequently.

The only negative is that there is also no minority lead characters. Minorities are usually secondary or supporting characters. The locations where the characters live should be called things like White City, Caucasian Town and Whitey Village.

Now, understand that Hallmark movies are TV-G rated so it has to be cleaner and as non controversial as an infomercial.
And they all skate.

Also in Hallmark universe can be scenarios where if the woman has some "negative" qualities - too overbearing - not romantic- works too much - dislikes her family, etc you can almost bet she is going to have a "redemptive" moment

some guy/parent/child/Santa/pet(usually dog) teaches her about her negative quality and she goes on to change it.

Also the towns with multiple roads always finds some way for the person trying to leave that town to be "stuck" - car problems/snow delays/character bumps into something or falls off something and has to stay right where they are.

Also if there is a truly "bad" woman she is over the top scene chewing horrible person and typically serves some purpose directly or indirectly for the other characters to make changes in their lives.

And they all skate

samrw3 wrote:Also in Hallmark universe can be scenarios where if the woman has some "negative" qualities - too overbearing - not romantic- works too much - dislikes her family, etc you can almost bet she is going to have a "redemptive" moment

some guy/parent/child/Santa/pet(usually dog) teaches her about her negative quality and she goes on to change it.

Also the towns with multiple roads always finds some way for the person trying to leave that town to be "stuck" - car problems/snow delays/character bumps into something or falls off something and has to stay right where they are.

Also if there is a truly "bad" woman she is over the top scene chewing horrible person and typically serves some purpose directly or indirectly for the other characters to make changes in their lives.

And they all skate

Yes.
Lots of car crashes that cause amnesia too.

I love these stupid movies.

The Hallmark Channel's Chronicles of Thomas Covenant

Thomas Covenant is feeling low because he has leprosy.
His wife leaves him and takes his child.

Walking around feeling lonely, he's hit by a car.
When he awakens, he finds himself in a country cabin being cared for by Lena.
There's lots of frilly curtains and checkered tablecloths and a cat.
They have some tea, get into an argument, and Thomas storms out.

Lost in the woods, he meets a tall man fishing in the river.
He's a wise and gentle man, who agrees to lead Covenant to Revelstone.
Revelstone is a big stone mansion.
It has lots of rooms filled with expensive furniture and cats.
In it live a powerful family, the Lords.

The father, Morrey, proclaims that they need Thomas' help.
There's another family, the Rivers - Herem, Sheol, and Jehannum - who've been bothering people all over town.
They work for a ne'er-do-well named Phil.
Phil is nothing but trouble.
He's a greedy Landlord looking to expand, and he wants Revelstone.

Thomas doesn't really want to help.
But he's dragged into it by Fishing Guy and Morrey.
They head up to where Phil lives, which is On the Other Side of the Mountain.

It turns out Thomas is Phil's long lost brother, and the real owner of Phil's landlord business.
Phil doesn't take it lightly.
There's a scuffle, Thomas lands him a good one on the nose, and he scurries off.

Thomas and Lena marry.
They like to skate and have cats.

ROFL

Brilliant ..

Yeah I kinda dont mind an occasional Hallmark movie .. yes they are mushy but sometimes you need a bit of mushy.

wayfriend wrote:The Hallmark Channel's Chronicles of Thomas Covenant

Thomas Covenant is feeling low because he has leprosy.
His wife leaves him and takes his child.

Walking around feeling lonely, he's hit by a car.
When he awakens, he finds himself in a country cabin being cared for by Lena.
There's lots of frilly curtains and checkered tablecloths and a cat.
They have some tea, get into an argument, and Thomas storms out.

Lost in the woods, he meets a tall man fishing in the river.
He's a wise and gentle man, who agrees to lead Covenant to Revelstone.
Revelstone is a big stone mansion.
It has lots of rooms filled with expensive furniture and cats.
In it live a powerful family, the Lords.

The father, Morrey, proclaims that they need Thomas' help.
There's another family, the Rivers - Herem, Sheol, and Jehannum - who've been bothering people all over town.
They work for a ne'er-do-well named Phil.
Phil is nothing but trouble.
He's a greedy Landlord looking to expand, and he wants Revelstone.

Thomas doesn't really want to help.
But he's dragged into it by Fishing Guy and Morrey.
They head up to where Phil lives, which is On the Other Side of the Mountain.

It turns out Thomas is Phil's long lost brother, and the real owner of Phil's landlord business.
Phil doesn't take it lightly.
There's a scuffle, Thomas lands him a good one on the nose, and he scurries off.

Thomas and Lena marry.
They like to skate and have cats.

The punch to the nose might violate the Law of TV-G but otherwise it's a solid Hallmark script.

I'm visiting my parents, and watching a Hallmark movie with my Mom. I can see doing this every day.