Kevin's Watch

A year and a half
I thought you would be gone by now
Buried away in the back of my mind
An anomaly
A happenstance
I thought this emotion faded over time
I thought I would lose you
I was ready for it
I was afraid of it
But I knew it would come
I was getting better
Those first six months
I could see the progress
Now I can't
You should be gone
But I hurt
Every day
The songs I can't listen to
The shows and movies I can't watch
The life I can't have
The happiness I can't feel
Every day
Every fucking day
I hurt
I see your picture on social media
Nothing
You're working on a Saturday
Moving boxes
Or something
And I am triggered
I saw the name of your city
On the frame around a license plate
And I felt like pulling off of the road
Forty years
Forty goddam years
To do this to myself
Is a very deep cut.


Posted this twice. Hope it doesn't break any rules.

Only insofar as it is almost too heart-rending to read it even the once Khaliban.