The Story and other stuff that dAN didn't write
Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 1:47 pm
The Story
I like to write. It's much better than speaking. It pleases me to see the words come out
the way I intended them to. It also pleases me to have others see what I want them to see,
thus guiding them to all the proper conclusions regarding myself.
It's much easier to correct a written mistake before it's read than a spoken one before
it's heard. Much easier to take back hurtful things that once said, can never really be
taken back. It makes it possible to say what you really think without being a called jerk;
it allows you to be respected for your thoughts, rather that hated, or feared. Writing
makes friends, speaking loses them.
With these thoughts in mind, I have decided to write The Story. It won’t be a story
to help mankind achieve a higher plane of thought, or stop world hunger, or any of those
unattainable achievements that writers before me have stated as their inspiration. No, I
will aim at a much more concrete goal, one well within the means of my formidable
abilities. I will write this story so that people will read it, and in reading it will see what a
wonderful talent I am. Then I will be elevated to my proper status. Then I will be praised.
The Story will have a main character that was charming, thoughtful, virtuous,
handsome, brave, intelligent and strong. All these characteristics will then be
accredited to me, the writer, because everyone knows that true art is but a reflection of
the artist. And I intend this to be true art.
The setting, whether past or future, will be magnificent. I want the readers to revel
in the majestic splendor laid before them, marveling at the brilliance of imagination
capable of painting such a wonderful picture. And I will leave them panting for more.
The plot, of course, will be the hard part. It must have a crisis large enough to capture
the reader, yet not so massive that the main character (I will call him Joe) can't
handle it by himself. And I want Joe to handle the smaller situations that occur
during the telling of this Story in such a way that I wish I had handled myself when put
in similar situations. In short, I want Joe to be who I wish to be, and I want
everyone to wish that he were Joe, too.
Joe will be as large as life. He will get the girls that ignored me in high school, be the
hero when I was the goat, succeed where I failed, and flourish where I floundered. Joe
will live the good life. And when threatened, Joe will fight, not run; win, not lose.
But Joe will be humble, and unaware of his own greatness. He will struggle at times
with things before eventually succeeding. He will get confused, frustrated, and even
angry at circumstances beyond his immediate control. That way, when people see the
same behavior in me, they will understand that I am struggling with things on a much
deeper level than they can otherwise conceive. And they will adore me all the more.
Joe will never find the true love of his life. That will leave women the opportunity
to believe that they can be his true love, if he were only real. Not having Joe, they can have me,
his creator, in Joe’s stead. I will be to them the heart and soul of Joe, his essence. And I would be
remiss to deny them any part of Joe that was mine to give.
Joe will be a man's man, laughing and working with the best of them. His physical
prowess would make him the center of attention. His "yes" would be good enough to start
a business on, his keen wit and insight will prove invaluable to his peers, who
will constantly lean on him for their life decisions. In this way, I could receive the
camaraderie of men who so far have not noticed me. Men with power and standing in the
community will wish to be more like me, like I have so often wished to be like them. They will realize their need for a "Joe" in
their lives, and I will be him. They will envy me, but they will also appreciate the
blessing of being able to count on me as their friend. I will be their best friend.
It will be a glorious story.
I, of course, have no experience in the field of writing. I dropped out of English Lit in
college, and the thought of sitting for months at a keyboard, typing with cheeto-stained
fingers, staring blankly at a computer screen leaves a lot to be desired. So I'll probably sit
around, waiting for my Joe to come out of woodwork and drag me along with him to the
success I so richly deserve. And then, of course, I will kill Joe off. After all we can't have
two of us running about, can we?
I like to write. It's much better than speaking. It pleases me to see the words come out
the way I intended them to. It also pleases me to have others see what I want them to see,
thus guiding them to all the proper conclusions regarding myself.
It's much easier to correct a written mistake before it's read than a spoken one before
it's heard. Much easier to take back hurtful things that once said, can never really be
taken back. It makes it possible to say what you really think without being a called jerk;
it allows you to be respected for your thoughts, rather that hated, or feared. Writing
makes friends, speaking loses them.
With these thoughts in mind, I have decided to write The Story. It won’t be a story
to help mankind achieve a higher plane of thought, or stop world hunger, or any of those
unattainable achievements that writers before me have stated as their inspiration. No, I
will aim at a much more concrete goal, one well within the means of my formidable
abilities. I will write this story so that people will read it, and in reading it will see what a
wonderful talent I am. Then I will be elevated to my proper status. Then I will be praised.
The Story will have a main character that was charming, thoughtful, virtuous,
handsome, brave, intelligent and strong. All these characteristics will then be
accredited to me, the writer, because everyone knows that true art is but a reflection of
the artist. And I intend this to be true art.
The setting, whether past or future, will be magnificent. I want the readers to revel
in the majestic splendor laid before them, marveling at the brilliance of imagination
capable of painting such a wonderful picture. And I will leave them panting for more.
The plot, of course, will be the hard part. It must have a crisis large enough to capture
the reader, yet not so massive that the main character (I will call him Joe) can't
handle it by himself. And I want Joe to handle the smaller situations that occur
during the telling of this Story in such a way that I wish I had handled myself when put
in similar situations. In short, I want Joe to be who I wish to be, and I want
everyone to wish that he were Joe, too.
Joe will be as large as life. He will get the girls that ignored me in high school, be the
hero when I was the goat, succeed where I failed, and flourish where I floundered. Joe
will live the good life. And when threatened, Joe will fight, not run; win, not lose.
But Joe will be humble, and unaware of his own greatness. He will struggle at times
with things before eventually succeeding. He will get confused, frustrated, and even
angry at circumstances beyond his immediate control. That way, when people see the
same behavior in me, they will understand that I am struggling with things on a much
deeper level than they can otherwise conceive. And they will adore me all the more.
Joe will never find the true love of his life. That will leave women the opportunity
to believe that they can be his true love, if he were only real. Not having Joe, they can have me,
his creator, in Joe’s stead. I will be to them the heart and soul of Joe, his essence. And I would be
remiss to deny them any part of Joe that was mine to give.
Joe will be a man's man, laughing and working with the best of them. His physical
prowess would make him the center of attention. His "yes" would be good enough to start
a business on, his keen wit and insight will prove invaluable to his peers, who
will constantly lean on him for their life decisions. In this way, I could receive the
camaraderie of men who so far have not noticed me. Men with power and standing in the
community will wish to be more like me, like I have so often wished to be like them. They will realize their need for a "Joe" in
their lives, and I will be him. They will envy me, but they will also appreciate the
blessing of being able to count on me as their friend. I will be their best friend.
It will be a glorious story.
I, of course, have no experience in the field of writing. I dropped out of English Lit in
college, and the thought of sitting for months at a keyboard, typing with cheeto-stained
fingers, staring blankly at a computer screen leaves a lot to be desired. So I'll probably sit
around, waiting for my Joe to come out of woodwork and drag me along with him to the
success I so richly deserve. And then, of course, I will kill Joe off. After all we can't have
two of us running about, can we?
