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Watching My Words
Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 8:45 pm
by Edge
I'm posting this because of Dragonlily's encouragement - so if you think it's utter tripe... blame her!
Watching my words
very carefully, shaping them with perfect intent -
Hoping what's meant will be what is heard...
Watching my words
crawl across the page, flicker into life -
a tremulous existence at best;
yet somehow undying, almost immortal.
Watching my words
fly like a creature of the night,
moving through the air, to ward your heart -
flying sometimes straight, sometimes true..
Sometimes not.
Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 9:39 pm
by Dragonlily
When I said "publishable," I meant as in, "printed in magazine". I like the whole thing very much
, but I think the fourth thru sixth lines are truly high quality.
Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 12:07 pm
by I'm Murrin
This part:
Watching my words
crawl across the page, flicker into life -
a tremulous existence at best;
yet somehow undying, almost immortal.
Reminds me somehow of the 'White Gold' song in TCTC.
Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 4:25 pm
by Dragonlily
In what way, Murrin? Would you quote it for us?
Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 8:11 pm
by Gadget nee Jemcheeta
Most excellent poem. Reading the works here is encouraging me to begin writing again.
"a tremulous existence at best;
yet somehow undying, almost immortal"
I really like the contrast there, it calls up in me the recognition of an endurance that gives some kind of strength to someone who knows that they have 'perfect intent', which enables them to go beyond themselves.
Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:46 am
by duchess of malfi
Thank you, Joy, for encouraging him to share that with us.
Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2004 10:44 am
by Avatar
I like it. Go ahead and post some more. Although I fully understand the difficulty of it, especially when given that the audience here is harder to please than your average "illiterati"
I'll now follow my own suggestion and find something to post.
--Avatar