Kevin's Watch

Nervously scanning the ancient ruins of Amon Sul, Buffy Summers bit her lip in vexation.

The towering presence of the recently resurrected President Abraham Lincoln steadied her as she silently stood and contemplated their next move.

Fortunately, honest Abe regained his senses quickly enough to thwart the resurrected JFK's advances on the vexed and voluptuous vixen.

With the DNA-reconstituted presidents to help her, Buffy discarded her Amon-Sul texts and whipped out a dogeared copy of the Necronomicon and proceeded to read aloud.

"KLAATU...VERADA...NIKTO..."

And there was much rejoicing and eating of breakfast cereal.

Until the slavering undead horde staggered out of the misty swamp and approached the shining silver robot.

Buffy gathered herself to combat the advancing undead, when, suddenly, Gort raised his visor and unleashed a devastating energy beam that systematically cut down the zombies, to the amazement of the onlooking presidents.

Impressed by the pyrotechnics, Buffy saluted Gort with her stake, and Gort raised one metallic digit in a "thumbs up" gesture; deep in his metallic innards Gort felt a warm stirring of passion--that might have been a coolant valve failure, but probably it was something else.

Then, without warning, President Lincoln began to shudder violently as though he were building toward something messy and terrible. Gort turned toward the undead president, focusing his weapon. Buffy snatched up a stake. Undead President Kennedy dove behind a row of garbage cans. No one spoke. No one dared breathe. Then Lincoln exploded. Bits of flaming, undead flesh rained down upon the dismayed group. When the debris cloud finally dissipated, Buffy was shocked by what she saw. There, standing amid the wreckage that had been dead President Lincoln, stood dANdeLION with a wry grin on his goo-covered face.

"Whoa, dude," dANdeLION exclaimed, wiping his face with the sleeve of his fuzzy flannel pajama top, "C-4 works gooood!" Buffy clutched her stake convulsively as he reached into the green canvas backpack--the one with Simba's image appliqued to the flap--and pulled out a rectangular package wrapped in metallic foil.

Next, a flash like ball lightening erupted and a naked bodybuilder appeared, saying to Buffy "Come with me if you want to live!"

"Dude," Buffy exclaimed, giving his body a quick but thorough once over, "Didn't you LISTEN when they told you what steriods would do to your endowments?

Seeing Buffy's attention distracted by the well-endowed human, Gort felt something in his circuits that could have been construed as resentment or even jealousy when his sensors revealed the muscular human to be just another type of android, and so Gort ominously approached his robotic rival.

Gort was pushed to the side by a crazed John Rambo, who raised his M16 and started firing at the naked terminator.

Towering menacingly over the naked android, Gort snarled, "KLAATU...VERADA...NIKTO...," to which the Android replied, "Step back, or I will erase you from existance."

Rambo's bullets bounced harmlessly off the terminator and struck Buffy many times.

Fortunately, the amorous Gort bathed Buffy in an alien Ray-of-Healing, cradling her tenderly in his arms and whispering, "KLAATU...VERADA...NIKTO..."

the terminator then launched a mini-tactical nuke from his chest, straight at Rambo.

Gort activated the rockets in the soles of his metallic feet and blasted skyward, still cradling the semi conscious Buffy against his metallic chest with all the tenderness of a nursing mother.