Kevin's Watch

... I mean, Arthur. What a PoS movie! There are so many things wrong with this flick it would take a full episode of MST3K to even begin to cover it. It's Van Helsing bad. I shoulda known when I saw Schmuckheimer's name on it, but I thought maybe this time...

First, the movie begins with some new historical info as if that's some kind of justification for making the movie the way they did, as if this tripe was based on any kind of fact (they threw away most of the legend, so I guess they thought they had to have something to take its place).

Spoiler

And then you have the story being narrated by a dead guy, though it's no surprise he dies considering he asks to be burned instead of buried about ten minutes into the movie.

(why I blocked that out, I have no idea, since spoiling this movie for anyone could only be considered a favor)

There is no artistry to the battle scenes (with the exception of the female fighters, but the overt attempt at sex appeal diminishes even that). All flash and gore.

The dialogue and writing is barely at the 8th grade reading level. The plot reads like a video game. You can see the writer thinking, "Should we copy Braveheart, Gladiator, or LotR for this part?" There are so many cheesy lines I lost count.

I feel sorry for the main cast, since they seemed to be decent actors (and yea, verily and forsooth, Keira Knightly is hot), considering what was handed to them. The cinematography (if you don't count dozens of entirely useless, pandering clips) was pretty good, too. But please, please don't think that's any kind of recommendation to see this movie. If this hadn't been a free rental, I would've demanded my money back. As it is, that's two hours of my life wasted.

Thanks Syl. Sounds like one that would be good to skip.

Yeah, this was as bad a movie as any. My impression of its creation was this:
"I have an idea for a movie, but it's not nearly good enough to be made. It's somewhere between really bad and complete crap. How can I make it happen?"

"Well, King Arthur movies usually get a lot of attention. Can you somehow put the names of those characters into your idea?"

"Yes!!! That's it!!! You're a genius!!!"


(Not at all unlike the creation of that "Earthsea" filth.)

I saw the trailers and thought ... "No, this can't be good."

I didn't bother wasting my time or money, and it looks like it's a good thing I didn't!!

You know something, it's pretty bad when a movie isn't even worth renting ...

I went to see it expecting it to be lots of decent battle scenes strung together on a sub-standard plot and I got exactly what I expected.

I wasn't disappointed, if you watched it expecting it to be really great then I don't blame you for feeling disenfranchised.

I didn't expect it to be spectacular, and it wasn't, but I did enjoy it a great deal... probably all the romanticism about the horses. Lots of eye candy, too. "8th grade" just about pins down the writing, but I didn't sweat that. I enjoyed the new take on the Arthurian legend, historically well-founded or not. The anachronisms were entertaining - like watching LARPers run around in leather jerkins and tennis shoes.

What really got my goat was the Harris' hawk one of Arthur's men had. I have seen this species of bird used repeatedly in Old-World, pre-Columbus scenarios (the series Sinbad comes to mind), and unless an obscure look-alike exists that I am not aware of, I can tell you that this bird simply does not and never did exist naturally in Europe, Asia or Africa - in short, anywhere the Romans could have reached. Was it so hard for the producers to find a Red-Tail? Honestly.

Spoiler

The dead guy narrating was pretty stupid, but he was Horatio Hornblower in the A&E take on the series, so it's all good.

Heh, yeah, I didn't expect anything complex from this movie when I saw it, so I generally enjoyed it. Of course, I'm a pretty easy sell when it comes to movies. As long as I feel entertained somewhat, I'm cool. The whole "realistic perspective on the Arthur legend" was interesting.-jay

OK, OK- this is shallow, but I have to say that Clive Owen (Arthur) was HOT!

LOL, he was indeed, but I prefer Ioan Gruffudd (Lancelot). I liked him in the Horatio Hornblower movies, and he's kinda grown on me.

Yes, I must admit, I watched it only because Ioan Gruffudd (Lancelot) was in it *cheesy grin*

I liked the different approach to Arturian legends, but the movie turned out really dull. Shame.

Speaking of anachronisms, it always gives me a good laugh when I see Arthur and the company wearing full plates - and that's how they are usually presented. Historical Arthur, if one ever existed, died long before these were put into use.

I love Clive Owen so anything goes. even "remember my face, for it will be the last thing you shall see" (said in gruff south london accent).