Kevin's Watch

In the depths of the Sarengrave, Lord Fould and the board of ECI enjoy their retreat. For the festive occasion Lord Foul has summoned Kevin From the dead.

LF: You should try the smoked nicor, it had it delivered just for this occasion.
Kevin: I'm dead. The dead don't eat.
LF: Well, <shrug> too bad...
Kevin: Why have you summoned me?
LF: You're my trophy. Some people keep the first coin they make, you're my fist success in the Land.
Kevin: Wait, wasn't Kelenbhrabanal your first success?
LF: Come on. Old Kel was a horse. How hard is it to beat a horse? The most difficult part of his day was sneaking up on a clump of grass. He was practice. A warm up if you will. Now you, you were so mush fun. I have thought about bringing you back to life just to kill you again. Perhaps I could even make you a VP in ECI. Interested? We have 401K match.

Cjr wrote: "But...but...this Lore restriction is forcing the people of the Land to hax0r trees down to make fire "

Yeah, that takes the funniest thing I've read in days prize. Yeahp.

LOL, and I mean it! I had already pictured this kind of "Love triangel" but I styled it more as Springer episode....This is hilarious!

Sorry for the delay on new episodes. Busy weekend and a busy week ahead. I have a few ideas percolating, I like the Springer show idea...

Wow, just caught this topic. Read it through i one go and loved it. Man we got some creative people on this website. Well done IVB, has to be the best topic to date.

The "smoked nicor" was HILARIOUS!!! I still laugh every time I see that...

OK IVB...I know you're busy and everything but....
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!
We want more!

TC: OK, so we have decided that we can’t do anything about LF and Roger until we deal with the Demondim. If we take off they will either attack Revelstone of follow us and attack us out in the open were we are weakest.
Linden: Right. What do you suggest.
TC: I think we need more fire power. Like Lorric’s Krill.
The Voice: Lorric’s Krill is gone, inert and lost when the Law of Life was broken. How do you propose to restore it?
TC: Easy, Linden creates a fall and we go back to the time before I retrieved it from
Glimmermere. Use it, then return it, after we take care of the Demonidim.
Linden: That’s nuts!
The Voice: You will surely break the Arch, Ur-Lord! You will violate the Law of Time!
TC: It not really a Law, more like a Guideline. .
Linden: Sure, no problem. But we can do better,,, How about we go grab Berek’s Staff sometime before Drool finds it as well.
TC: Now your're thinking! Two Staves of Law, The Krill, The Codpiece, and the White Gold!
Linden: That was sarcasm.. What does the Codpiece do anyway?
TC: I have not figured it out yet. Take a close look and tell me what you see.
Linden: I told you to stop pointing that thing at me!
The Voice: I have just received a report of another stranger to the Land. He is a middle aged man with a broad belt and a star emblem on his chest. He was found wandering near a Woodhelvin, injured in the shoulder.
TC and Linden: Sheriff Lytton!
The Voice: He did claim that to be his name. He showed power.
Linden: (pales) Oh… my…. God…. I forgot….
TC: What kind of power?
The Voice: Wild Magic…
TC: What? How? He has no white gold wedding ring!
Linden: It’s not a ring… It’s a belt buckle.. A big rebel flag edged with white gold. I got a close look at it a few years ago.
TC: How close?
Linden: Close enough. He gave me a ride home one day when my POS broke down. So I “thanked” him.
TC: Lytton!!!?!?!? I thought you said you did’nt sleep with anyone after I died.
Linden: I didn’t have sex with him. That does not count.
TC: Says who?
Linden: I met with a visiting governor from Arkansas during a fund raiser for the hospital. He told me all about it.
TC: So how many other men did you "not" have sex with?
Linden: I lost track at 50 something. (sigh) I wonder what old Governor Clinton is doing these days.. Pardon me I have to go check on Jeremiah.

Linden gets up from the table and is followed by the Haruchai, Anele and Stave.

TC: HOLD IT! Just were do you think you guys are going?

You've been watching Clerks again, haven't you?

James

AcousticJames wrote:You've been watching Clerks again, haven't you?

James

Of course, lots of great lines in that movie. It seemed a good fit with the Clinton joke.


Chewing on a long strip of the smoked Nicor, Roger Covenant approaches Lord Foul.

RC: So will Kevin join us or were you just f'ing with him.
LF: I does not matter either way, but there is something else we need to discuss. There is more White Gold in the Land.
RC: Really, who has it.
LF: Another man from your world. I believe it was the one you shot.
RC: The sheriff. He has white gold, and it has power here? I thought you said it has to be one of my parent's rings.
LF: It does, in my plans. It's personal.
RC: Hell, if you told me something earlier I could have been summoned with 10 rings and a white gold Prince Albert! I thought you said that you learned from you mistakes, and that relying on a convoluted plan has always been your downfall.
LF: I lied.

This is getting better by the day! Hilarious!

"I lied" is always the best punchline to any joke

I love it!

Now I feel like I can get through a few more days! Thanks IVB!

Linden: So, what do you think of Revelstone?
Jeremiah: Pretty cool seeing it for real.
Linden: Who has been watching you while I’ve been working?
Jeremiah: Stave, for the most part. But he and Mahrtiir went off the practice fighting techniques. I watched for a while. Stave showed Mahrtiir some haruchia moves and Mahrtiir demonstrated some Ramen skills. I got bored and went to look at the Raynhyn. A little while latter I went back and this time they were wrestling. Stave was not very good at it, Mahrtiir kept pinning him down.
Linden: I see….

Meanwhile up in Pahni’s room Liand and the ramen girl cuddle in the afterglow…
Pahni: Are you sure that the Chosen will not mind?
Liand: Well, we don’t have to mention it. What about Mahrtiir?
Pahni: He will not care, for some reason he as never been interested in women.
Liand: Well, I am… That was wonderful…
Pahni: It was OK, but we could never have a serious relationship, you are not a Ramen.
Liand: Why, are you only allowed to bond with one of your kind?
Pahni: No, but don’t take this the wrong way… You are very skilled but…. lacking…..
Liand:….. How?
Pahni: Over the generations of service, Ramen men began to take on characteristics of the great horses.. Who do you think started the saying “Hung like a Raynhyn”?

Yergh........................................my mind is now obliterated. Yergh.

very good

very funny

IVB wrote:Pahni: ... Who do you think started the saying “Hung like a Raynhyn”?

IVB must've burned himself out.....

Bummer... this thread has been required reading for a while now...