Kevin's Watch

Chaos and order, war and hate
What kind of god has wrought this fate?
Original sin created by one so divine,
Has damned our race to the end of time
This world created by one god's thought,
What kind of doom has this god wrought?
This world was flooded in a blink of an eye,
Only because his experiment had gone awry
Maybe this was only a bored god's game,
That got out of hand, now he's to blame
He put up as stakes at immeasurable cost,
His only son, but the game was lost
And for his son, there was no eternal night,
He brought him back, to prove his might
His son told tales of heaven and hell,
Told us to follow his footsteps, then said farewell
Now centuries have passed, and the miracles have ceased,
And he has never returned as man, nor beast
As was then, and still is now,
False prophets ask us to bow
To send them money, to further their cause
Then laugh in their face, flaunting their flaws
We send them our children, young minds to mold
Then they rape and molest numbers untold
Children dying in senseless wars,
Crack babies born to welfare whores,
Chaos and order, war and hate...
What kind of god has wrought this fate?

Back on topic, I like it Jerelak. At least, the intent and many of the lines. Not being a keen rhymer myself, the insistence of it seems a little forced in places, but I like the message and the words.

--A

Avatar wrote:Back on topic, I like it Jerelak. At least, the intent and many of the lines. Not being a keen rhymer myself, the insistence of it seems a little forced in places, but I like the message and the words.

I share those sentiments. As I've said elsewhere, I'm not one for poetry in general, but I like your use of words here.

Poetry doesn't have to rhyme you know, Cj.

In the rare cases where mine does, it's purely coincidental.

--A

i sometimes using rhyming for affect/effect. but i'm not that good at it. too much you/blue, green/machine and such.

I think with a bit more thought given to meter as well as rhyme, it would have been really good. I certainly like what you are trying to say, even if it is VERY dark.

2 weeks after the evacuation of the New Orleans area...and I am finally back on line and with the civilized world.

Thanks for the comments. That is what I love most about this forum, getting to put my stuff out there and getting feedback from my peers.

Avatar wrote:Poetry doesn't have to rhyme you know, Cj.

Meh, it's not just the rhyming ones. The vast majority of poetry leaves me cold. But a very few contain something that resonates, and this is one.

CovenantJr wrote:

Avatar wrote:Poetry doesn't have to rhyme you know, Cj.

Meh, it's not just the rhyming ones. The vast majority of poetry leaves me cold. But a very few contain something that resonates,

Im the same, im not a poetry fan at all.

I don't like poetry, either. So it really is saying a lot that I read this one all the way to the end. I'm not trying to come up with bullshit praise when I say I REALLY like what this poem is about, what it is saying. I like, "Now centuries have passed, and the miracles have ceased." Exactly. How are we supposed to be inspired by miracles in the Bible when God doesn't care enough to give us some for our age? We could use a few miracles, nowadays.

I also like, "And for his son, there was no eternal night." Yes! It's pretty easy to sacrifice yourself when you're the SON OF GOD who can bring yourself back from the dead at any time. (Wow, you're back from the dead . . . but weren't you immortal to begin with?)

Excellent!

Thanks so much for the positive feeback!!!

All of your comments are so very appreciated.