Kevin's Watch

heh, what particular lines do you remember that crack you up... what moment had your sides spliting? And for what show?

Say the name of the show, and the lines:

Red Dwarf:

*A tiny sign saying "Alert" is flashing blue*

Rimmer: "I want to go to red alert!"

Kryten: "Sir, are you absolutly sure? It does mean changing the bulb."

Some of my favorite quotes come from the X-files episode "Bad Blood", their vampire episode. I love that one, heh. It was funny as hell.

Mulder: "Well, historically cemeteries are thought to be a haven for vampires. As are castles, catacombs and swamps but unfortunately you don't have any of those."
Sheriff Hartwell: "We used to have swamps, only the EPA made us take to calling them wetlands..."

Hehe.-jay

Favorite moments:

Porkey's:
In the principal's office with Ms. Ball-Breaker.
(Police line-up, Wanted posters, Sketch artist...)

And when "Lassie" and the new gym teacher were in the boys locker room (with P.E. classes going on downstairs)

(One of) Favorite line:

Young Frankenstein:
(Gene Wilder helping Terry Garr off the horse cart and looking at the doorknockers on the castle)
"Gee, what big knockers!"
"Why thank you, doctor." (As she looks down at her breasts)

My favorite TV peeps with the best lines would have to be Agent Mulder and Sawyer. Their delivery is spot on, their characters are fantastic, and the writers give them all the best lines!

Mulderisms

"Do you know how difficult it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off. Elvis!"

"I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tattoed, naked guy I saw."

"Excuse me, could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound. His name is Heinrick. I use him to hunt moose!"

"Hey Scully, is this display of boyish agility turning you on at all?"

"One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ectoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody."

-------------
Sawyerisms

“Boy Howdy! A doctor playing golf? What's next? A cop eating a doughnut?”

“Y’know, a less magnanimous man than I might be thinkin’ he could beat the everlivin’ snot outa you right now without fear of reprisal.”

“I take comfort knowin’ some day, this is all gonna be a real nice shopping complex. Maybe even an auto mall.”

Ana-lucia: I say move, you move. I say stop, you stop. I say jump, what do you say?
Sawyer: You first.

Jack: What type of tumor was it?
Sawyer: The type that kills you.

I've seen the following about a hundred times.
I bought the VHS and then the DVD that had it.
It has never failed to make me laugh so hard it hurts.
I've laughing right now reading it again!
Just picturing the way Palin says his lines is funny.


**************************************************


Sam Peckinpah's 'Salad Days'

As featured in the Flying Circus TV Show - Episode 33

(Lyrical scene of boys in white flannels and girls in pretty dresses frolicking on a lawn to the accompaniment of a piano played by one of the boys.)

SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'SALAD DAYS (1971) DIRECTOR SAM PECKINPAH'

(The boys and girls cease frolicking and singing. Lionel enters holding a tennis racket.)

Lionel: Hello everybody.

All: Hello Lionel.

Lionel: I say what a simply super day.

All: Gosh yes.

Woman: It's so, you know, sunny.

Lionel: Yes isn't it? I say anyone for tennis?

Julian: Oh super!

Charles: What fun.

Julian: I say, Lionel, catch.

(He throws the tennis ball to Lionel. It hits Lionel on the head. Lionel claps one hand to his forehead. He roars in pain as blood seeps through his fingers.)

Lionel: Oh gosh.

(He tosses his racket out of frame and we hear a hideous scream. The camera pans to pick up a pretty girl in summer frock with the handle of the racket embedded in her stomach. Blood is pouring out down her dress.)

Girl: Oh crikey.

(Spitting blood out of her mouth she collapses onto the floor clutching at Charles's arm. The arm comes off. Buckets of blood burst out of the shoulder drenching the girl and anyone else in the area. He staggers backwards against the piano. The piano lid drops, severing the pianist's hands. The pianist screams. He stands, blood spurting from his hands over piano music.

The piano collapses in slow motion, shot from several angles simultaneously as per 'Zabriskie Point '. Intercut terrified faces of girls screaming in slow motion. The piano eventually crushes them to death; an enormous pool of blood immediately swells up from beneath piano where the girls are. We see Julian stagger across the frame with the piano keyboard through his stomach. As he turns the end of the keyboard knocks off the head of a terrified girl who is sitting on the grass nearby. A volcanic quantity of blood geysers upwards. Pull out and upward from this scene as the music starts again.)

(Cut to Apology)


Apology:
1st Voice Over: (and Roller Caption) 'THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FOR THE LAST ITEM....

further to that... basically almost all of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

kevinswatch wrote:Some of my favorite quotes come from the X-files episode "Bad Blood", their vampire episode. I love that one, heh. It was funny as hell.

Mulder: "Well, historically cemeteries are thought to be a haven for vampires. As are castles, catacombs and swamps but unfortunately you don't have any of those."
Sheriff Hartwell: "We used to have swamps, only the EPA made us take to calling them wetlands..."

Hehe.-jay

Best X-Files episode ever. Heh, well, one of the best. That's my favorite X-Files quote. Are we wetland geeks, or what, Jay?

Haha, yeah, Bad Blood was definitely one of the best X-files episodes. That and the suburbian episode where they pretended to be married:

Scully: "It's pronounced "Pee-tree.""
Mulder: "Like the dish."

Heh. There were a lot of other really great episodes and lines, but those are the ones I remember best.

But yeah, any joke that contains references to both the EPA and to wetlands is gold. Heh.

Are we wetland geeks, or what, Jay?

Haha, yeah, what's not to like about wetlands? They're nature's swiss army knife. They do everything. Heh.-jay

my personal favorite TV's funniest moments of all times

Carol Burnett and Gone with the Wind
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjhtxfSMIWk

Tim Conway destroys the Eunice Cast
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY

the classic turkey drop
www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoafYtDe.html

Rev Jim and the drivers test
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY0iouvBTwg

lorin wrote:my personal favorite TV's funniest moments of all times
Carol Burnett and Gone with the Wind
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjhtxfSMIWk

Tim Conway destroys the Eunice Cast
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY

Absolutely. What a great show that was.

I'm bad at remembering lines from shows, but MASH had many funny moments for me - a lot of them involving Colonel Flag.

From Frasier (Ham Radio)

Roz must read a line for an old radio murder mystery KACL has asked Frasier to put together, but she just had a tooth pulled and is doped up with novocaine. The word she's trying to say is "multiple murder."

Roz: I can't believe one of my guests is a (frowns) mububba moobubba.
Frasier: (reading the play's written line) Easy for you to say.

That's just a tidbit. That entire scene is classic. I laugh every time.

ItisWritten wrote:From Frasier (Ham Radio)

Roz must read a line for an old radio murder mystery KACL has asked Frasier to put together, but she just had a tooth pulled and is doped up with novocaine. The word she's trying to say is "multiple murder."

Roz: I can't believe one of my guests is a (frowns) mububba moobubba.
Frasier: (reading the play's written line) Easy for you to say.

That's just a tidbit. That entire scene is classic. I laugh every time.

That was my favorite episode of Frasier. Hysterical.

two from the Simpsons taht made me howl with laughter and still bring a chuckle:

Lisa: (after eating super-spicy food) "I can see through time!"

~

Marge: (after seeing Homers 120-gauge makeup gun in action) "Homer, you have it set on 'whore'".

lorin wrote:my personal favorite TV's funniest moments of all times

Carol Burnett and Gone with the Wind
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjhtxfSMIWk

Tim Conway destroys the Eunice Cast
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY

the classic turkey drop
video.yahoo.com/watch/1499909/5115198

Rev Jim and the drivers test
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY0iouvBTwg

Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Yes, indeed, this is as good as tv gets. And the elephant story is probably the very best moment of all time. Unbelievable. Live tv, everybody hiding their faces as they try to stop laughing, unable to do their lines. And just when you think it's over, Vicki kicks his ass! Extraordinary.

Fist and Faith wrote:

lorin wrote:my personal favorite TV's funniest moments of all times

Carol Burnett and Gone with the Wind
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjhtxfSMIWk

Tim Conway destroys the Eunice Cast
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY

the classic turkey drop
video.yahoo.com/watch/1499909/5115198

Rev Jim and the drivers test
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY0iouvBTwg

Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Yes, indeed, this is as good as tv gets. And the elephant story is probably the very best moment of all time. Unbelievable. Live tv, everybody hiding their faces as they try to stop laughing, unable to do their lines. And just when you think it's over, Vicki kicks his ass! Extraordinary.

I noticed the Turkey Drop has been removed. here is another link for it.
www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoafYtDe.html

Yep! An amazing moment! Couple of classic lines:
"Oh the humanity!"

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."


My favorite line from WKRP is when some homeless folks are there for something or other. Some old, scraggly, toothless guy comes up to Jennifer:
"You know, I'm not as old as I look."
"Oh? Are you any richer than you look?"

I've developed a strange liking to people getting suddeny and unexpectedly getting hit by busses (or tractor trailers).

- Mean Girls
- Buffy (Glory: season 8, episode 19 ' "Tough Love")
- Monk (season 8, episode 4 - "Mr. Monk is Someone Else")
- How I Met Your Mother (season 3, episode 20 - "Miracles")

Romeo wrote:I've developed a strange liking to people getting suddeny and unexpectedly getting hit by busses (or tractor trailers).

- Mean Girls
- Buffy (Glory: season 8, episode 19 ' "Tough Love")
- Monk (season 8, episode 4 - "Mr. Monk is Someone Else")
- How I Met Your Mother (season 3, episode 20 - "Miracles")

Then you should be aware of 2 more:
X-Files: Goldberg Variation (S: ?)
Lost: Not in Portland (S:3)

Romeo wrote:- Buffy (Glory: season 8, episode 19 ' "Tough Love")

I don't have my dvds here at the moment, so I can't check, and I don't remember. Who gets hit by what?

Now The Gift (S6, E22), has a nice one. Xander bitch-slaps Glory with a wrecking ball.

This from Big Bang Theory goes on the top of my list

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtUVmx5VXR4