Kevin's Watch

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 2:11 am**

Hi All,

I post in the Tank on the Political side, in the Tv and Movie forums occasionally, and I even participated in the "runes" forum for about a month after reading it (I know, sacriligious I only read it the one time. Been busy)

Anyway, I'm outlining a book (which I will post chapters of in another thread) about the character I play on the Internet (Sindatur the Gray Owl Wizard). I really don't show that much on this site, but on a few others I do.

So, if you have any comments you would like to share about the "Sindatur" story thread, please keep them in this thread (That way, people who may be interested in following the story, won't have to pick through comments posts to get to the next chapter).

Comments are appreciated. The Story chapters can be found here:

kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=338541#338541

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 2:42 am**

Oh, Yeah. One other self criticism. I also realize that in the beginning chapters, No one uses contractions and everyone is so stuffy. Sindatur and the rest of the "Important" folks are supposed to be that formal. The rest of the folks lighten up in the later chapters and find their own personalities (This is one of things I intend to fix on the rewrite)

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:02 am**

sindatur wrote:"Dolpher, We've given you all we can give. We can no longer train you. You're
taking time away from the recruits who need our guidance. Your scores
bypass the 100% mark on any test we put in front of you. We would gladly
take your service teaching your peers. Unfortunately, the Magic council has decreed we can't have you. They tell us they can teach you. They're not comfortable with your training ending this early. The council believes
training can never be complete without the years, despite the marks."
Proposed the Instructor.

I will give you some feedback - both good and bad, but realise I am a lover and writer of science fiction, so some of my personal views please take with a grain of salt. First off, the '100%' doesn't seem to fit; it seems out of place with fantasy. Second, and I realise this is a draft, the story moves along way to quick - you need to establish some character or the setting. Really build your setting.

What I like is that Sindatur is very interesting character idea. It really intrigued me. I also like the pressure from his father - that could be expanded upon.

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:43 am**

well we are thrust in at the top. so there wasn't a lot of time fleshing out the lay of the land. maybe an intro? or was it purposeful? I like the two leads so far. the boy and the wizard. though the mother's name suggested a plump woman. and a glossary, i always like a glossary.

-hope it helps a bit.

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:34 am**

sindatur! i dug it!!!

i only have time to read chpt 1 but i really LIKED the way you jumped right into the story! if this is "bare bones" you're going to have a pretty good story when you're done with it!!!

i will be back for chpts 2 and 3 tomorrow! thanks for posting it!!

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 1:03 pm**

One problem I had reading it is there seems to be a fair bit of infodump, the worst case being here:

"My young Apprentice, it's not so much you specifically, I am disappointed in.
You see, only Owls have the inherent ability for magic. The Opossums don't
have an inherent ability, but they live long enough to get beyond that and
become proficient. Only one other, a Walek, has ever shown a deep discipline
for the craft. He was the most adept Walek with magic, that I have ever met.
He was my Master, Delphia. He was a Mantis of fine stature, long tan hind
quarters, majestic antennae, and a mottled thorax. But even his magic wasn't
enough to save his life when the Felines came. The Felines are a race from
another quadrant, they posses Psionics. They came in the middle of the night,
Psionics blasting the oldest grove outside the village. The woods there, have
still to this day not recovered their full beauty 700 years later. One of your
Ancestors, the one you are named for, lost his life as well. Delphia challenged
their Leader, and he made one little mistake, which cost me my Master. He was
surrounded and his fire burst failed him. I watched him being torn to pieces.
I can however take comfort in the knowledge he took 3 Felines with him, but not
the one who took his life, General Xanxa. I served as Delphia’s Apprentice for
50 years. But, even if he hadn't been killed in the battle, I would've had him
for only a short time anyways. For a Walek lives only 150 years, as Humans do.
So, I choose to become close only to my own race, because it hurts to lose one
so young, to old age, and worse yet, to lose one younger to a lack of magical
prowess"

Posted: **Thu Mar 09, 2006 2:50 pm**

Thanks for the comments all.

LoreMaster. Yea, I felt the "100%" didn't quite fit either, but wasn't quite satisfied with other wordings either. I actually had it in brackets [] indicating I needed to go back and retool it, but, for whatever reason removed them. I'm putting them back on. When you say it's moving too quickly, do you mean the chapters are far too short (which I know they are) or do mean if the chapters were a proper length, it's still too much to have occurred in 3 chapters?

Sarge, really, a plump woman? Yea meant to thrust you right into it, but the intention is to be alot more descriptive once I do the first draft. Currently there's alot of "And then he went there", just to get him there for plot progression, and later I'll go back and actually describe him getting there. I have a hand written glossary for myself to keep track of things, as well as a village map, and a powder ercipe book.

LuciMay, thanks for the excitement.

Murrin, yea, I do that once or twice more in the first 10 chapters. You think it will work itself out that you see that same scene a couple different times and angles in the coming chapters, or you think it needs breaking up?

I should be to tossing another 2 or 3 chapters up in the next day or so.

Posted: **Sat Mar 11, 2006 1:15 am**

Chapters 4-6 now posted

Posted: **Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:50 am**

Thanks Sin. Just don't have the time to read it right now. Will when I have time though .

--A

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:46 am**

Chapters 7 and 8 are now posted. The pieces are mostly in place. These 8 chapters represent the plot progression for the first 1/3 to 1/2 of the first (or perhaps only?) book of The LEgends of Sindatur.

Is it far enough along to be 1/3 or 1/2 of the way through?

In book writing, how many characters represent "a line" and how many lines represent a Page?

Should I keep the progression and merely fill up the chapters with details?

How many pages should a chapter be?

I have other things planned for the rest of the book, just asking for advice on how much of the book this should represent, and pagewise how many to get there.

How big should a first book be?

And lastly, is this a story you could see yourself buying? Or am I wasting my time trying to fill it out into a full novel?

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2006 3:16 am**

Chapters 7 and 8 are now posted. The pieces are mostly in place. These 8 chapters represent the plot progression for the first 1/3 to 1/2 of the first (or perhaps only?) book of The LEgends of Sindatur.

Is it far enough along to be 1/3 or 1/2 of the way through?

Well I can't judge because I don't know the full story, but the plot so far didn't feel like half a book - a third, maybe, but as I say, that all depends on what the rest of the story is, heh.

In book writing, how many characters represent "a line" and how many lines represent a Page?

I don't think it's necessary to think about characters and page numbers much. If you want to know how long your work will be in manuscript form, I'd suggest putting it into Word (or equivalent), a monospaced font, etc. In fact, just look here for manuscript formatting. It says short story, but it applies to most cases I think. Setting it out like that will give you some idea of what you have, though like I said, I wouldn't worry about it much.

How many pages should a chapter be?

Chapter length is entirely up to the author. It can be done for structural purposes or effect, they can be as long or as short as you like - just set it out the way you feel works. Page number is not important - the writing and the story are important.

How big should a first book be?

A first book should be as long as it needs to be to tell the story.

[Edit]

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2006 3:31 am**

Murrin, Thanks bunches. I take everything you say to heart. I especially like how well you told me, in my own story' language to break things up. Having spent too much time recently on the LOST ABC board, I have come too accustomed to people who need things repeated, and need the "info dump", thanks for me reminding me against it. You've taught me alot with your criticisms. I appreciate every bit of them, because really, writing something like this is a real challenge to me, and I have no idea what I'm doing, just kinda feeling my way through it, and the bumps you've given me are very valuable. Thanks.

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2006 3:53 am**

i had to quit the abc lost board. before i found some of those twits and beat them to a bloody pulp. (on a discussion of proper Islamic eating laws, i went and asked some Muslims and the board still wouldn't believe me) anyway my point is that board fosters bad habits.

Posted: **Thu Mar 16, 2006 3:55 am**

Hmm, I really shouldn't make long posts when I'm half asleep. Looking at my post there, I realise by about halfway through I started looking at it like a critique, rather than advice on an outline. Please, disregard anything I said that was stupidly obvious.

Posted: **Sat Jun 24, 2006 2:19 am**

Chapters 9-11 Have now been posted. This was my original plan for the halfway point of the book. I have the rest mapped out in mind, but, this is the outline I can currently share with you. It changes a bit in tone, especially by Chapter 11, which is the main reason I haven't filled in alot of the background/landscape is because I knew I was going her\re, and wasn't sure how to break into this, from where I was. I wanted to come al ittle closer to this in the beginning, so it wasn't such a shock when I got here. Or is it better that I keep the beginning lighter and informative, before getting to this point?

Again, don't judge on the lack of fullness of landscape, it's just the highpoints of the arc. But I would appreciate being told your opinions on blending the happier beggining arc into where I have come.

Kevin's Watch

"Legends of Sindatur" - Comments Thread

"Legends of Sindatur" - Comments Thread