And now for something completely different.
Moderator: Orlion
-
birdandbear
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2002 3:59 am
- Location: Texas
- Contact:
.....for something completely different!
[thud]
[King Arthur music]
[thud thud thud]
[King Arthur music stops]
ARTHUR:
Old woman!
DENNIS:
Man!
ARTHUR:
Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS:
I'm thirty-seven.
ARTHUR:
I-- what?
DENNIS:
I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old.
ARTHUR:
Well, I can't just call you 'Man'.
DENNIS:
Well, you could say 'Dennis'.
ARTHUR:
Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'.
DENNIS:
Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR:
I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS:
What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR:
Well, I am King!
DENNIS:
Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--
WOMAN:
Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?
ARTHUR:
How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN:
King of the who?
ARTHUR:
The Britons.
WOMAN:
Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR:
Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
WOMAN:
I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS:
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN:
Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
DENNIS:
That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of--
ARTHUR:
Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
WOMAN:
No one lives there.
ARTHUR:
Then who is your lord?
WOMAN:
We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR:
What?
DENNIS:
I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,...
ARTHUR:
Yes.
DENNIS:
...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
ARTHUR:
Yes, I see.
DENNIS:
...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,...
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--
ARTHUR:
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN:
Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
ARTHUR:
I am your king!
WOMAN:
Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR:
You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN:
Well, how did you become King, then?
ARTHUR:
The Lady of the Lake,...
[angels sing]
...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
DENNIS:
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
ARTHUR:
Shut up, will you? Shut up!
DENNIS:
Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR:
Bloody peasant!
DENNIS:
Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[thud]
[King Arthur music]
[thud thud thud]
[King Arthur music stops]
ARTHUR:
Old woman!
DENNIS:
Man!
ARTHUR:
Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS:
I'm thirty-seven.
ARTHUR:
I-- what?
DENNIS:
I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old.
ARTHUR:
Well, I can't just call you 'Man'.
DENNIS:
Well, you could say 'Dennis'.
ARTHUR:
Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'.
DENNIS:
Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR:
I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS:
What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR:
Well, I am King!
DENNIS:
Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--
WOMAN:
Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?
ARTHUR:
How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN:
King of the who?
ARTHUR:
The Britons.
WOMAN:
Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR:
Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
WOMAN:
I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS:
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN:
Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
DENNIS:
That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of--
ARTHUR:
Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
WOMAN:
No one lives there.
ARTHUR:
Then who is your lord?
WOMAN:
We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR:
What?
DENNIS:
I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,...
ARTHUR:
Yes.
DENNIS:
...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
ARTHUR:
Yes, I see.
DENNIS:
...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,...
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--
ARTHUR:
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN:
Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
ARTHUR:
I am your king!
WOMAN:
Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR:
You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN:
Well, how did you become King, then?
ARTHUR:
The Lady of the Lake,...
[angels sing]
...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
DENNIS:
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
ARTHUR:
Shut up, will you? Shut up!
DENNIS:
Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR:
Shut up!
DENNIS:
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR:
Bloody peasant!
DENNIS:
Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do."
-
Samadhi Foul
- Elohim
- Posts: 219
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2003 6:17 am
- Location: The Foul Fortress Pub
-
Samadhi Foul
- Elohim
- Posts: 219
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2003 6:17 am
- Location: The Foul Fortress Pub
-
Fist and Faith
- Magister Vitae
- Posts: 25446
- Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 8:14 pm
- Has thanked: 9 times
- Been thanked: 57 times
WORLD FORUM
Host:
Good evening. Tonight on World Forum we are deeply privileged to have with us Karl Marx, the founder of modern socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto; Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian Revolution, writer, statesman, and father of modern socialism; Che Guevara, the Bolivian guerilla leader; and Mao Tse-tung, chairman of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949.
And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. "The Hammers." "The Hammers" is the nickname of what English football team? "The Hammers." No? Well, bad luck, Karl. It is, in fact, West Ham United.
Now, Che Guevara. Che... Coventry City last won the English Football Cup in what year? [He has no idea] No? I can throw the question open. Anybody else? Coventry City last won the English Football Cup in what year? [Blank expressions all round.] No, well, I'm not surprised you didn't get that. It is, in fact, a trick question. Coventry City have never won the English Football Cup.
So now with the scores all even, it's on to Round 2, and Lenin, your starter for $10. Jerry Lee Lewis has had over 17 major solid gold hits in the U.S. of A. What's the name of the biggest? Jerry Lee Lewis' solid gold biggie? No?
[Mao Tse-tung presses his buzzer]
Host:
Yes, Mao Tse-tung?
Mao Tse-tung:
"Great Balls of Fire?"
Host:
Yes, it was indeed! Very well challenged. Well, now we come on to our third round. Our contestant tonight is Karl Marx and our special prize is this beautiful lounge suite! Uh, Karl has elected to answer questions on workers' control of factories, so here we go with question number one. You, nervous, Karl? Just a little. Well, never mind, Karl, have a go! The development of the industrial proletariat is conditioned by what other development?
Karl Marx:
The development of the industrial bourgeoisie.
Host:
Good! Yes, it is indeed! Well done, Karl! You're on your way to your lounge suite! Now Karl, number two. The struggle of class against class is a what struggle?
Karl Marx:
A political struggle.
Host:
Good! Yes, it is indeed. Well done, Karl! One final question, and that beautiful non-materialistic lounge suite will be yours! Ready, Karl? You're a brave man. Your final question: Who won the English Football Cup in 1949?
Karl Marx:
Uhuh, the workers control the means of production? The-the struggle of the urban proletariat?
Host:
Uh, no, it was Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1.
Karl Marx:
Oh, shit!
Host:
Get out of here! Well, no one leaves this show empty-handed, so we're gonna cut off his hands.
Host:
Good evening. Tonight on World Forum we are deeply privileged to have with us Karl Marx, the founder of modern socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto; Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian Revolution, writer, statesman, and father of modern socialism; Che Guevara, the Bolivian guerilla leader; and Mao Tse-tung, chairman of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949.
And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. "The Hammers." "The Hammers" is the nickname of what English football team? "The Hammers." No? Well, bad luck, Karl. It is, in fact, West Ham United.
Now, Che Guevara. Che... Coventry City last won the English Football Cup in what year? [He has no idea] No? I can throw the question open. Anybody else? Coventry City last won the English Football Cup in what year? [Blank expressions all round.] No, well, I'm not surprised you didn't get that. It is, in fact, a trick question. Coventry City have never won the English Football Cup.
So now with the scores all even, it's on to Round 2, and Lenin, your starter for $10. Jerry Lee Lewis has had over 17 major solid gold hits in the U.S. of A. What's the name of the biggest? Jerry Lee Lewis' solid gold biggie? No?
[Mao Tse-tung presses his buzzer]
Host:
Yes, Mao Tse-tung?
Mao Tse-tung:
"Great Balls of Fire?"
Host:
Yes, it was indeed! Very well challenged. Well, now we come on to our third round. Our contestant tonight is Karl Marx and our special prize is this beautiful lounge suite! Uh, Karl has elected to answer questions on workers' control of factories, so here we go with question number one. You, nervous, Karl? Just a little. Well, never mind, Karl, have a go! The development of the industrial proletariat is conditioned by what other development?
Karl Marx:
The development of the industrial bourgeoisie.
Host:
Good! Yes, it is indeed! Well done, Karl! You're on your way to your lounge suite! Now Karl, number two. The struggle of class against class is a what struggle?
Karl Marx:
A political struggle.
Host:
Good! Yes, it is indeed. Well done, Karl! One final question, and that beautiful non-materialistic lounge suite will be yours! Ready, Karl? You're a brave man. Your final question: Who won the English Football Cup in 1949?
Karl Marx:
Uhuh, the workers control the means of production? The-the struggle of the urban proletariat?
Host:
Uh, no, it was Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1.
Karl Marx:
Oh, shit!
Host:
Get out of here! Well, no one leaves this show empty-handed, so we're gonna cut off his hands.
All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest -Paul Simon
-
Fist and Faith
- Magister Vitae
- Posts: 25446
- Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 8:14 pm
- Has thanked: 9 times
- Been thanked: 57 times
-
Furls Fire
- Lord
- Posts: 4872
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:35 am
- Location: Heaven
Call me odd...but I am actually understanding this thread...
*realizes that she has finally stepped over into insanity*
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
*realizes that she has finally stepped over into insanity*
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.
~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~
~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~
...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.
I'm an Ur-Lord and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day.
I wear this ring, I curse and glare, I don't believe the Land.
But they all think I'm special because of my wedding band.
I wear this ring, I curse and glare, I don't believe the Land.
But they all think I'm special because of my wedding band.
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Stephen R. Donaldson Ate My Dictionary
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Stephen R. Donaldson Ate My Dictionary