Corrupt a wish

[deer of the dawn]

ZAP Your favorite band tours in your town, playing in your church actually but dang! Food poisoning.

I wish I could wear maneater high heels!!!!

[Sorus]

You can wear maneater high heels, and look awesome doing so. Good luck outrunning the zombie apocalypse. You know, the one that just started.

So, I have this weird patch on my wall that looks like the outline of a door. I wish I could open it and find myself in a fantasy world.

[Linna Heartbooger]

You stare hard at that weird patch and discover that it is not just paint, but, functionally, a door.
ZAP! You open it up with your mind and enter a wild and dangerous fantasy world!

In this land you are immediately identified by friends and enemies alike as someone with amazing powers!

Unfortunately, a small band of completely incompetent-at-defending-themselves children surrounds you, begging you to lead them to safety.

Otoh, your superpower is knowing what you need to accomplish to lead them to safety! (Glory is soon to be yours, surely!)

Unfortunately, "what is needed" is a long series of tedious actions with a low probability of success per action, each of which you need to perform while keeping an eye on the non-combatants.

Also, they are whining and arguing with each-other about whose fault their predicament is.



I wish I didn't feel so tired & unfocused today.

P.S. I should play this more often!

[deer of the dawn]

*poof* You are not tired nor unfocused. You are amped-up and hypervigilant. You cannot stop looking at this one rose on your upholstered couch. You become obsessed with the symmetry of the petals. You creep closer and closer, and five days later when your husband brings the kids back from a visit to Uncle Vladimir, he finds you dehydrated and unresponsive. On the gurney, you mutter "roses, roses..."

I wish I had a swimming pool!

[aliantha]

*Zing!*

You are now the proud owner of a swimming pool! Unfortunately, it's only big enough for Barbies...

I wish one of my novels would sell enough copies that I could quit my job...

[deer of the dawn]

ZAM!! One of your novels goes #1 and the movie series follows.

It gets hailed as this year's Twilight Saga.



I wish more people played this game, it is the bomb!!!

[aliantha]

(I'd be kind of okay with that. Any publicity is good publicity, right? )

Zzzzzot! Everybody who's ever been a member of the Watch comes back, and they ALL start playing this game! We break a million posts in a single day, and it takes all the fun out of getting there.

Temps in the 80s (Farenheit, obvs), sunshine, low humidity -- ahhhh. I wish it would stay like this all summer!

[deer of the dawn]

Zingggg! It stays like this all summer, and all Fall, and all Winter... global warming.

I wish I could lose two more dress sizes.

[Sorus]

You lose two dress sizes. Overnight. Because of an alien parasite.


I wish the next book in the series I'm reading was available now.

[deer of the dawn]

KaBlam, the next book in the series is in your hot little hands, and it is so bad, you feel violated down to your soul.

(That's actually happened to me. :p)

I wish I still had eyebrows. Or at least ones you can see.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Boom! Eyebrows, just like that.
Oh boy, can people see them.
You have bushy black eyebrows that do not at all match your hair, but they do match the new Groucho Marx moustache that you're also sporting.

(I have no idea what I'm doing here today..)

I, umm, wish my house was clean... again.

[JIkj fjds j]

It seems your wish was heard by the Jolly Green Giant Cleaning Company, and while you were out they put your house through a permanant press and double spin cycle wash. Unfortunately they are a bit stupid and forgot to remove all the furniture.

I wish my name was Davey Watts! (This was simply an idea about the Kinks and the Jam cover version of the song - Wish I could Be Like David Watts.
But having looked at the David Watts Clothing website, it seems a tad off centre to me.) So on second thoughts ...

I wish I could go back in time and live next door to Sherlock Holmes at 221c Baker Street.

[deer of the dawn]

ZIP!! You are now in post-Edwardian London, and the guy next door comes and goes at the most insane hours, bangs around at all hours, plays the violin at 3am, and you are pretty sure he's smoking something unlawful over there. Also, early 20th century London reeeaaaaaally sucks. And there's this Ripper guy ruining the night life.

I have a migraine. I literally wish my head would just explode already.

[Linna Heartbooger]

In order to feel better, you decide to search for inane things on the internetz.
(Sounds reasonable?)

And so you come across your ole buddy StrongBad saying, "Your head asplode."
But that isn't what really does it.
While poring through other circa-2000 internet goofiness, you come across this video game intro that involves classic bad translation into English:
"All your base are belong to us."

Then, and only then, your head literally explodes.
And by "literally," we mean "according to the usual definition of 'literally'."
Which is to say, "figuratively."
(How many words can be their own antonym?)


Now... I wish that I could just chill.

[aliantha]

Only slightly off-topic: All your base are belong to us (Looks like the photos didn't survive. Phooey.)

Anyway, back to the game! And zzzzzZZZOTTTT!!! You are chill! You are so chill that you're turning to a...giant...block...of ice...

I wish I didn't have to work this afternoon.

[Sorus]

You get the afternoon off, but you spend it stuck in traffic.

I wish I could fix my sink without calling a plumber.

[deer of the dawn]

ZZzzinnggg!!! You fix your own sink through your magical powers. You also fix every plumbing problem permanently in the whole city. The plumbers are out of work and go on a rampage, destroying the water infrastructure for thousands of people. In the meantime, you bargained away your magical powers in an effort to save your significant other from the undue attentions of evil spirits (long story) so you can no longer use them to fix your plumbing problems.

I wish I had a beach nearby.

[aliantha]

Shazam! Your brand-new, uber-convenient beach has been installed...right on top of your next door neighbor's place. On the plus side, you have oceanfront property now -- but the neighbor, his wife, and their three little hooligans are moving in with you.

I wish I could knit faster...

[Sorus]

You set a new world record for speed-knitting. Talk shows want to interview you, everyone wants to own a genuine Ali-made knit piece. It's great for about a month, then the carpal tunnel sets in.


I wish my problem cat would get along better with her sisters.

[StevieG]

MEOW !!! Your problem cat loves her sisters, and her neighbors and all other cats and comes out of her rut and invites (in cat language) the whole neighborhood over for a parteh. And destroys the house, the neighborhood, the world ... (Not a bad way to go...)

I wish that I could "walk" my own way without having to suck up to the man, so to speak.

So you gotta walk like you wanna make it
Don't walk like you just can't take it