Seconded!
And I -love- the "well, to tell a truly complete backstory, we would need to go back to the Big Bang, so ...actually we're starting where this story begins," Gamgee!
Here's mine:
She thought that her soul had sailed safely through the too-strict Wonder-bread monotony of modernity's becalmed Bermuda Triangle, and then bested murky, molasses-riddled postmodern morasses, to finally weigh anchor in the honeycomb-laden harbor of Evangelicia - only to discover that the beautiful facades of its tropical atolls often concealed lurking toadstools.
Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!
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Linna Heartbooger
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DoctorGamgee
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deer of the dawn
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I'm dyinggggg!!!DoctorGamgee wrote:This story begins where all stories begin: at the beginning. Well, not technically...we don't go back all the way to the millisecond before the big bang, as that much backstory, while answering each and every fan theory that plagues modern writers and their fanzines (which gives me not only pause, but the urge to start there!), would invalidate the premise listed above. For, as I said, this story really does start where all great stories begin: right here -- which is close enough to the beginning as to make no never mind.
linna wrote:She thought that her soul had sailed safely through the too-strict Wonder-bread monotony of modernity's becalmed Bermuda Triangle, and then bested murky, molasses-riddled postmodern morasses, to finally weigh anchor in the honeycomb-laden harbor of Evangelicia - only to discover that the beautiful facades of its tropical atolls often concealed lurking toadstools.
This thread has made my evening. (Toadstools?) Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. -Philo of Alexandria
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
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Linna Heartbooger
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Your exegesis (or randomly noticing stuff - one of those!) has gotten right to the core of it, sir.DoctorGamgee wrote:"molasses-riddled postmodern morasses"
A thing of beauty!
You see, once I decided my main goal was to use "postmodern morass" in a sentence, I just built everything around it.
I think I should have said "her hungry soul," though.
This comment encouraged me to pursue taking my writing to new depths!deer wrote:This thread has made my evening. (Toadstools?)
(and we mean depths.)
yeah... the toadstools was an afterthought.
"People without hope not only don't write novels, but what is more to the point, they don't read them.
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
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aTOMiC
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The Thing - by Mucus Powertool
Chapter - One - The Thing
Able Johnson sat in his room wondering things to himself as there was no one else around to wonder with.
"I don't like peas!"
For months he sat.
During the days his mind wasn't as clear as during the night but it was clear enough to see through to his shoelaces.
Within the sphere of his awareness he chose to not acknowledge the Thing before him but not as if it were nothing, only as if the truth he sought was available by ordering it online.
In any case the Thing was and always would have been and it did not have substance. It did however have weight. Weight enough to crush a box of tissue. Weight enough to fall weightless through the boundless air, resisting gravity's pull without truly existing.
Able saw it and frequently wept at his inability to understand what it was.
He was tormented by a blindness that forced itself upon him like a law passed by Congress that made thinking illegal in the lower forty-eight states.
And there seemed to be nothing that could be done to alter the facts as he understood them.
Except of course through consuming copious amounts of bourbon or perhaps vodka depending upon one's tastes.
Chapter Two - He is the Thing
Mr. Johnson finally came to terms with the Thing only after many hours of struggle and contemplation.
He surmised, almost intuitively, that he himself was it. It was the Thing and he was it.
He gasped at the revelation.
He was so moved that he almost lost himself in a complete lack of emotion. The center of the beginning of the crux of the middle of his being was exactly where and what he believed it to be and he found astonishment within the nothingness of his understanding.
Only the feeling of receiving a tax refund check three days ahead of schedule could come close to what he now experienced.
A sense of nothing at all.
For he, Able Johnson, was and always would be...the Thing.
For the most part.
The End
Chapter - One - The Thing
Able Johnson sat in his room wondering things to himself as there was no one else around to wonder with.
"I don't like peas!"
For months he sat.
During the days his mind wasn't as clear as during the night but it was clear enough to see through to his shoelaces.
Within the sphere of his awareness he chose to not acknowledge the Thing before him but not as if it were nothing, only as if the truth he sought was available by ordering it online.
In any case the Thing was and always would have been and it did not have substance. It did however have weight. Weight enough to crush a box of tissue. Weight enough to fall weightless through the boundless air, resisting gravity's pull without truly existing.
Able saw it and frequently wept at his inability to understand what it was.
He was tormented by a blindness that forced itself upon him like a law passed by Congress that made thinking illegal in the lower forty-eight states.
And there seemed to be nothing that could be done to alter the facts as he understood them.
Except of course through consuming copious amounts of bourbon or perhaps vodka depending upon one's tastes.
Chapter Two - He is the Thing
Mr. Johnson finally came to terms with the Thing only after many hours of struggle and contemplation.
He surmised, almost intuitively, that he himself was it. It was the Thing and he was it.
He gasped at the revelation.
He was so moved that he almost lost himself in a complete lack of emotion. The center of the beginning of the crux of the middle of his being was exactly where and what he believed it to be and he found astonishment within the nothingness of his understanding.
Only the feeling of receiving a tax refund check three days ahead of schedule could come close to what he now experienced.
A sense of nothing at all.
For he, Able Johnson, was and always would be...the Thing.
For the most part.
The End
"If you can't tell the difference, what difference does it make?"
"There is tic and toc in atomic" - Neil Peart
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Linna Heartbooger
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Nice! I am still groaning. (An inaudible and imperceptible sort of internal groan, but a groan nonetheless!)
this was awesome!aTOMiC wrote:...but not as if it were nothing, only as if the truth he sought was available by ordering it online.
Weight enough to crush a box of tissue.
aTOMiC wrote:Only the feeling of receiving a tax refund check three days ahead of schedule could come close to what he now experienced.
"People without hope not only don't write novels, but what is more to the point, they don't read them.
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
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DoctorGamgee
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deer of the dawn
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Shuram Gudatetris
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Wonderful, wonderful round of bad writing. Thank you everybody and congrats on some awful, awful, awfully entertaining literature. I would live to dive into commentary but this tiny phone is a pain and its my only communication device.
It was soooo hard to pick a winner...but, you know me and dogs and bad writing. So....
Deer is your winner!
Dogs! I ephing love dogs!
It was soooo hard to pick a winner...but, you know me and dogs and bad writing. So....
Deer is your winner!
Dogs! I ephing love dogs!
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DoctorGamgee
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deer of the dawn
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Woohooo!! Thank you Shuram!! Feels so good to be so bad. 
Next topic coming up....
Let's go for rhyming verse this time. The topic: yer only job.
Next topic coming up....
Let's go for rhyming verse this time. The topic: yer only job.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. -Philo of Alexandria
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
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aTOMiC
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Shuram Gudatetris wrote:
Deer is your winner!
Well done. It takes real talent to fake bad writing.
I may not be a good writer but I don't have what it takes to be a really bad one. I'll keep working on it.
"If you can't tell the difference, what difference does it make?"
"There is tic and toc in atomic" - Neil Peart
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DoctorGamgee
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Removed by Doc for shocking poor Deer.
Last edited by DoctorGamgee on Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Proud father of G-minor and the Bean
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deer of the dawn
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DoctorGamgee
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deer of the dawn
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Well, it wasn't *that* bad, to merit removal! Sorry Doc, I mean, it is supposed to be bad, but now I feel badly... 
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. -Philo of Alexandria
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
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Dread Poet Jethro
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