Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!

[Linna Heartbooger]

Sorry to be late...but hey, it's my thread, I can miss a deadline if I want, right?

Nah, nobody ever misses a deadline here.
I say we should fire him, vote him off the island!
[/hyperbole]

Wait, we can't fire you from being the creator of this thread... huh, you're right.
also, we need people, if we want to revive Bad Writing to its glory days!
n/m anything I said about voting you off the island.

After a fair amount of thought, and accidentally choosing "La La Land" first......

Umm, which one is "La La Land"? I think that could describe more than one...

...points for the Goldfeces that wasn't really part of the contest---

It was part of bad writing.
It gave the peeps who read it much delight.
That's been at least half the point from the start.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Thanks for the nod, Vraith, though I am not entirely sure I deserve the win here. Or maybe you ARE La-La-Land-ing me and you're going to name the real winner halfway through the next contest?


Well, I hope not. I do have a good idea.

Actually, I have several. As tempting as it is to hodgepodge them all together (choose your own adventure challenge), I'll resist and just throw one thing out. We're about a month away from Valentine's Day, one of the most important holidays on the calendar, so....

Let's write some epicly BAD love poems!

Let's have some fun shall we? Go drop some plugs in some other threads and get this thing rocking. I think just about anyone can do a limerick or a haiku.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When I self-love in bed
I always think of you

Deadline is Feb 7th. Winner gets custom-made valentine featuring the worst love poem we conjure up. Runners up receive copy of said Valentine. Let's melt some hearts, Watchers.

Bonus points for making it musical, which is sort of where my mind was heading. Like, change the lyrics of an existing song, sort of thing. Or if you're terribly talented, composing some original work. Extra special extra bonus points for making a music video

Nah, don't dwell on the song thing. Just write something, will ya?

[Linna Heartbooger]

You've Got to Know.
(about how intense my undergrad architechture program is)

(Sung portions are to the tune of "He'll have to go," with posthumous apologies to Jim Reeves.
Spoken portions are like... the way that either Connie Smith or Skeeter Davis...
instead of singing one verse of "End of the World," I think
she speaks it aloud, in a slow, clear 1950s-ish female voice,)

(sung)
Send your sweet texts to someplace other than my phone.
Just assume I'm with my textbooks, all alone.
Let's pretend... I turned the ringtones... way down low.
And you can tell friends back home with you.. I had to go.

(spoken)
Dear Billy,
I know
that I told you
I was moving
to take a job
in a different town.

But actually,
it's an architecture program.
And-- it's five years long.
I'm so sorry
to let you down.

(sung)
Listen, can you tell me truly what I do?
Or see it fills my mind like you used to?
Why I can't stay, I need to say, you've got to know.
Should I reason, or do you see now... what has to go?

(spoken)
I'm doing well,
but it takes - all my time.
I didn't mean
to make you sad,
and cause your face
to wear a frown.

Yes, fifteen hours a day,
everybody says.
And if I slow down,
in new homework and projects,
I'm gonna drown.

(sung)
I can't say the words you want to hear
When I've got another plan.
Each exam says answer yes or no.
Darling, you must understand.

(spoken)
Everyone says
that each long night
-- and the cold coffee
as I see the morning light --
will be worth it.
Someday.

I hope you'll be happy.
You'll find someone new,
and please, dear--
whoever she is, sacrifice for her
just like I'm sacrificing
for what I pursue.

And please...

(sung)
Send your sweet texts to someplace other than my phone.
Just assume I'm with my textbooks, all alone.
I am so scared my grades will plummet... way down low.
And I have told my friends here with me... "He'll have to go."

_____________________________________

Thank you, Shuram!
The suggestion of messing with song lyrics TOTALLY helped!
-one gleeful Linna

[Edits: Two verses were totally in the wrong order, and one line had not enough syllables. Clearly those are the only possible problems this song has, aside from minutae!]

[Shuram Gudatetris]

I love it! Excellent work!

[deer of the dawn]

Sometimes I scare myself.

It will always be you, dear
Forever and always, you
You will never desert me
You will always be true.

You're always the same
You never change
I'll never give you up
You'll never hurt me
Never desert me
Never betray my love.

Cool and still you lay by me,
Your eyes fixed right on mine,
Brown and deep as they've always been
Though they've lost some shine.

You're always the same
You never change
I'll never give you up
You'll never hurt me
Never desert me
Never betray my love.

Your hand is always ready
For me to hold in my own
Smooth and gentle as ever
Though cold as a stone.

You're always the same
You never change
I'll never give you up
You'll never hurt me
Never desert me
Never betray my love.

I must say goodbye, dear
Only for a while
It's only I'm running low
On formaldehyde.

You're always the same
You never change
I'll never give you up
You'll never hurt me
Never desert me
Never betray my love.

I go forth in peace, dear
Knowing you'll be right here
That same smile on your face,
Since you died last year.

You're always the same
You never change
I'll never give you up
You'll never hurt me
Never desert me
Never betray my love.

[Skyweir]

Well thats beautiful .. till I got to the youve preserved your dead lovers body for a time in formaldehyde lol .. and now have to bury his decaying form cos you ran out ... question mark



Beautiful and a little creepy all at the same time

[Vraith]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When I self-love in bed
I always think of you

Or if you're terribly talented, composing some original work.

I ALMOST sorta cheated when I saw this part...
Many years ago, I Weird Al'd a Divinyls song. Didn't make the video, but had it shot-by-shot storyboarded [[[well...stickfigured...]]]

The chorus goes:

"I don't want
Anybody else
When I think a-BOUT you
I text myself"

I'll try and remember to whip something out for this, though.
Hopefully not just out, but whip it good...

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Deer! OMG!

[Skyweir]

Hahahaha

Maybe you should enter it Vraith .. sounds like a winner

[deer of the dawn]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When I self-love in bed
I always think of you

Or if you're terribly talented, composing some original work.

I ALMOST sorta cheated when I saw this part...
Many years ago, I Weird Al'd a Divinyls song. Didn't make the video, but had it shot-by-shot storyboarded [[[well...stickfigured...]]]

The chorus goes:

"I don't want
Anybody else
When I think a-BOUT you
I text myself"

I'll try and remember to whip something out for this, though.
Hopefully not just out, but whip it good...

DO IT

[Skyweir]

[DoctorGamgee]

The Blow off: (in response to Go Lovely Rose by Edmund Waller)

Go Tumbleweed!
Tell him, that wastes my time and his.
That this I plead;
Though I be no poetic whiz,
I see the wand'ring type he is.

Tell him to go,
And utter not a single sound.
For this I know:
Though thoughts of beauty may abound,
From his lips, fall on barren ground.

Small is the worth
Of men like him who come, and then
After the birth,
Find an excuse to leave again.
And will return they know not when!

Then roll on by
That he may see the fate in store,
For those who try...
To mend the bonds that once they tore.
They roll alone forevermore!

[deer of the dawn]

Wow, Doc... I hadn't seen that poem in a long time... you really dressed it up in cowgirl boots and stood it by Route 66 with her skinny thumb wagging in the hot desert wind and her other fist planted firmly on her sardonic hip. I love this!!

[DoctorGamgee]

There's a setting by Quilter of the original (clearly not mine) that was a favorite of mine. Therefore, it seemed like a great take on it. Kind of like Taylor the Latte Boy and the obligatory Rebuttal. Couldn't resist.

[Skyweir]

Beautiful .. really beautiful

[DoctorGamgee]

[+walks slowly to the microphone amid snaps of welcome and puts on the light lilt of a pubescent boy]
Roses are Red,
Violets are Violet.
I think you're pretty!
(In love with me yet?)

[*Slightly deeper tone as crickets respond to his verse}

Maybe you'd like a more soothing refrain?
Somewhat more formal, and lacking of jest.
If music be the food of love, play on!
(They don't say what, but Sackbutt is best?!)

[*putting on his best Cumberbatch Cummerbund]

But if instead you long for five iambs.
I guarantee to count you four plus one.
But in this age of dating by web cams,
Can true loves cross on bridges made of thumbs?
We seek for true connections while online,
And scrolling ever onward, we swipe right,
To find a balding plumber, filled with wine,
Unlike the damsel fair, sought by this knight.
Go find a Yenta, you'd be better off,
Set up by one who knows you and your warts.
Than meeting up with those with whom we scoff
The Catfish Photoshopped in comely ports!

Though times may change, one truth remains but ours.
Both Tinder and Beer-goggles must have bars.

[Linna Heartbooger]

"bridges made of thumbs" sounds like a video game controller...

I especially liked this one:

And scrolling ever onward, we swipe right,
To find a balding plumber, filled with wine,

And the last 2 lines made me cringe!

Also, Shakespearean-sounding while pretty much the content is present day...

[Vraith]

I don't have an entry yet...
But, so far, I think this is the best contest ever quality wise...
Keeping the bad rules, yet making good work...

[Linna Heartbooger]

The Blow off: (in response to Go Lovely Rose by Edmund Waller)

Go Tumbleweed!

...Small is the worth
Of men like him who come, and then
After the birth,
Find an excuse to leave again.
And will return they know not when!

...

Also, I finally took some time to slow down and read the original poem, and that of course, adds tons to my enjoyment of this one!

(also, I enjoyed deer's enjoying your poem and describing the POV-char.
-Linna, who reads the same review of a book multiple times if it has beautiful sentences in it, but then doesn't necessarily read the book.)

...Didn't make the video, but had it shot-by-shot storyboarded [[[well...stickfigured...]]]

oh.. I meant to say - stick-figured!
The final product should definitely be stickfigured - that's PERFECT for this genre!

[DoctorGamgee]

Thank you, Linna. Mine are not as clever as the others, but I like poetry (part of the curse of being a singer), so I couldn't resist. I pictured the bridge of thumbs by the shape of folks texting on phones. LOL!

But it's good to see everyone having fun with it. And that is for the good! Vraith just needs to get his graphic storyboard stick-figured up so we can see it.

Doc