Thank you guys.
peter- thanks for the lovely quote.
sam wrote:Why did we delay something B? - time, location, ability to do alone versus with others, feelings of inadequacy?
This is where we as humans can improve is asking the right questions to get the core and understand the underlying reasons.
Yep, there's something to this.
Sometimes I'm just not conscious that the reason I'm not doing "Thing B" is that there's a prereq. that has not been fulfilled.
But I often fear that the prereq is "I HAVE to write to my sister." or "I have to admit to my dad that I screwed up about this one thing."
peter wrote:I think as a general rule the thing you want to be doing least is the thing you should be doing most.
I've heard that one for "what to do first."
As in, tackle the job you're most dreading first.
OTOH, sometimes long-term things have worked out for me by taking a roundabout path.
I've often been plagued with guilt for not communicating with my dad for long spans of time.
Talking with people here on the Watch was something I was very motivated to do (though it's often felt like, "noooo... I shouldn't be spending time on the Watch - I'm not being responsible!").
But as things have worked out, I think the practice of listening to & engaging people who come from very different POV's than me has "wrapped around" and improved my ability to communicate with my dad.
On the other other hand-
I think that wouldn't have actually used my newfound skills to communicate with my dad if I hadn't "kept alive the fire" of wanting to see our relationship improve. (As that thread you once made said, and as SRD said before, "Guilt is power?!??")
A lot of my struggles with depression involve communicating (or not communicating) with people.
I keep thinking of trying to reach out to someone about either:
A. Getting together as friends, or
B. Starting a project
...but I'm afraid I will sound desperate and needy (in the case of friendship) or weak & lacking confidence (in the case of "project") and repel them.
(I'm afraid it will just BE THERE in my tone, regardless of how carefully I think things out.)
Or even if I do start a conversation, I will suppress all sorts of things that are on my mind and would be useful to the work (in the case of "project") or to our lives (in the case of a friend)... and basically be passive.
Ah well.
This week, I've gotten around SOME of those problems by "just showing up."
When I realized I was driving right past a friend's house, I turned the car around, and showed up at her door. (She was a close enough friend that this wasn't weird.)
And just hanging out and catching up without talking about my depression & discouragement.
(My friend was delighted!)