LORD FOUL'S ASH-CHAPTER 2 (Unlimited Crossover Madness)

[aTOMiC]

LORD FOUL'S ASH

A fan fiction written by Tom Cummins
Based on characters created by Stephen R. Donaldson
and Sam Raimi
Additional rights held by others.
Not intended for publication or mass consumption.

Chapter Two - Now what?


Once I came to, my head felt like it had been twisted off and then sewn on backward. I was pretty groggy but noticed pretty quick that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. I don’t have a clue how I got there but after having a look around I thought I’d woke up in the middle of a Masons secret meeting. All around the room there were a bunch of guys wearing dresses and standing around holding their staffs. Turns out it was a meeting of a committee of wizards or something. That made perfect sense to me. I have all the luck. This guy Mhorm or Norm or something steps up and tells me the bunch of them summoned me from that farm, across a dimension of some kind to their world. Apparently they’ve had some trouble from a tough guy that wants them all dead. They figure I can do something about it. I told Norm he was a few cards short of a deck and told him he’d better send me back before I kicked his colon into his throat. Then this awesome babe comes over to me. Her name is Elena. She is seriously hot and I automatically change my attitude. Things were looking up. Apparently she’s in charge, not Normy, and she wants me to save the world. I figure I’d at least hear what she has to say. Then she blows my mind. She wants me to go skinny-dipping with her at some lake. After getting on my knees and thanking God about a hundred times I charmingly accept her offer. Before we go some joe cool with ray-bans comes over and starts giving me crap. Sounds like he’s got the hots for Elena too and wants to rain on my parade. I got in his face and explained the fine details about what a Remington can do to his ugly mug. He feeds me a line about how he’s from my world. All I could think to say was “What kind of guy goes around calling himself Hile? Buddy you gotta be kidding me.” So this hard head pushes me and I deck him. I found out later he was blind. Kind of felt bad about that but sometimes people are just asking for it. Like that old lady in the wheel chair. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be nice to people.

[dANdeLION]

If my first name was Hile, I'd change my last name to Hitler.

[aTOMiC]

I like the way you think, dAN.

[matrixman]

This is way too funny! Brilliant stuff, TOM. Runes may be a letdown after this.