The Outrageous Analogy Game

Post by **ChoChiyo** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 6:12 pm

Being given a "granny kiss" by a little old lady is like having your face sucked into a moist, spongy, formless abyss smelling vaguely of camphor, menthol, and peppermint as you struggle, helpless as a bug on the adhesive side of a strip of duct tape, to escape her unexpectedly powerful grip.

Post by **DukkhaWaynhim** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 6:15 pm

Kissing the adhesive side of a strip of duct tape has a similar effect as dunking for french-fries.

Post by **ChoChiyo** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 6:21 pm

Eating French Fries two or three times a day is like playing Russian Roulette with a gun whose inescapable bullets move only a centimeter or so a day for fifteen years before the bore their way into your skull and END you.

Post by **CovenantJr** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 6:51 pm

Boring your way into a skull is like penetrating someone's head by tedium.

Post by **dANdeLION** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 7:07 pm

His oversized shirt hung on his spindly frame loosely, sort of like Jennifer Lopez on Rohypnol.

Post by **Cail** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 10:03 pm

If he was any dumber we could tape a key to his butt and stick him in the garden.

If he was any dumber we'd have to water him twice a day.

"I can't believe you did that, you're the Lewis and Clark of stupidity."

Post by **dennisrwood** » Tue Dec 21, 2004 10:32 pm

being stupid is like having a rubber mallet bashed into your head each and every hour by an inbred, tattooed, gap toothed graduate from the Barbazon school of modeling while she pines for her boyfriend/2nd cousin who is currently spending 3-5 years in prison for sexually molesting two goats that belonged to his sister/aunt, the local meth dealer.

Post by **Cheval** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 12:24 am

If brains were made of gunpowder,
He wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

Post by **ChoChiyo** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 12:40 am

To Idi Ott, using his brain was as painful as sliding naked down a hill composed entirely of broken shards of glass and rusty nails and landing in a pool full of salt water and lemon juice.

Post by **DukkhaWaynhim** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 1:38 pm

"This is your brain"

"This is your brain on drugs"

"This is your brain on drugs with a side of bacon and toast with a dollop of strawberry jam."

"Isn't your brain tasty?"

Post by **aTOMiC** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 3:19 pm

Strawberry jam is like taking a half a quart of strawberries, five pounds of sugar, three and a half pounds of phosphorus, eighteen grams of fudge flavored Jello pudding, fifty three ball bearings, twenty poppy seed muffins, five golden rings and twelve monkeys, then mixing it all together into a nice thick paste and smearing it on nearby train tracks that service a local fireworks factory.

Post by **DukkhaWaynhim** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 3:41 pm

Last 4th of July, we set off firecrackers that were as loud as depth charges in an above-ground swimming pool at a mermaid family reunion.

Post by **dennisrwood** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 6:44 pm

kissing a mermaid is like kissing a half monkey / half fish that keeping grabbing your nether regions to use as a diaper wipe.

Post by **DukkhaWaynhim** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 8:40 pm

Having your nether regions grabbed by genetic misfits is akin to having your lower lip pulled up and stapled to your right ear.

Post by **CovenantJr** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 10:55 pm

Your lower lip being pulled up and stapled to your right ear is like having your kneecaps beaten by unhygenic chefs with sticks.

Post by **dennisrwood** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 6:28 am

being beaten by dirty chefs is like making love to a rabid dog, while having 14 add afflicted gophers chained to your ankles while someone tosses jelly sandwiches at you and the rabid dog.

Post by **ChoChiyo** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 3:26 pm

Trying to talk sense to a moron is like being stuck with a yelping snapping rabid dog inside a huge base drum full of foam and drool and as it is rolled down the street while every hyperactive child in a three state area beats on it with drumsticks the size of baseball bats.

Post by **CovenantJr** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 5:46 pm

There's some good stuff coming out here...

Looking after a hyperactive child is like vomiting curry onto your chest while soaking in a bath full of stagnant milk populated by alien jellyfish whose sting causes humans to smell of wee.

Post by **Khat** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 3:33 am

eating an alien jellyfish is like chewing on xylidine infested pygidium while running from mutant mealybugs.

Post by **CovenantJr** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 12:55 pm

Running from mutant bugs is like being slapped about the head and upper torso with week-old kippers coated in broken glass and used chewing gum.

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

The Outrageous Analogy Game