Unlimited Crossover Madness!

[aTOMiC]

Since dAN, CovenantJr and I began to wreck the "Where would you go?' thread, I decided to start an independent discussion. The idea is as follows: What characters, devices (magic, technology or otherwise), or identifiable story elements would like to see mixed together to form an interesting alternate scenario? The last few posts of the aforementioned “Where would you go?” thread provide a bit of an explanation of how this got started. Here is an example: How about a Jedi / Haruchai throw down? What kind of kung fu nightmare would that be like?:-)

[dANdeLION]

I see my name has been used in vain. I do not believe that my humble post did any damage to the other thread; in fact, I believe that the whole thread was going in that direction anyway. Anyway, my "Ultimate Crossover" would be to have the people who did the Matrix movies do the next Superman movie. In fact, you could just superimpose the costume over the existing Neo scenes in Matrix: Reloaded for all I care; I left the theatre thinking that it was the best Superman movie I ever saw! My favorite thing was that there were no gay flying scenes, you know, where whoever is flying looks like he's going about 2.25 miles per hour, does the cutsey ballerinish leg crossing during the way too slow landing, and has his cape lying down on his back INSTEAD OF FLAPPING IN THE WIND, undoubtably because of his slow speed. And the Matrix fight scenes; that's what I expect from a super hero!

Or we could just do a David Carridene vs. Steven Segal kung fu movie; it'd be like the whole thing was shot in slo-mo!

[aTOMiC]

High Lord Gandalf? Sauron the Despiser? Bilbo Halfhand?

[danlo]

I don't have any real Ultimate Crossover scenario...but I do have a major lawyer fantasy: My wife loves this show called The Practice...so what I'd really love to see is atty Matt Murdock (DD) beat the holy crap out of Dylan McDermott's ultra-whiny "Bobby" character...

[Tulizar]

Amen to that! I can't believe I actually used to watch that show. I can't think of another show (other than a sitcom) where a character bitches and whines like a sissy one minute, then threatens to kick the daylights out of a mass murderer the next.

[Zahir]

Okay, here's what I want...

Ten years after the Earth/Cardassian War, I want the Earth Alliance and its one-time foe to negotiate use of a Leviathan starship named Moya to explore the galaxy. Aboard Moya should be the following crew:

Captain Ben Sisko
Commander Garak, his Cardassian Exec
Commander John Crichton, Science Officer
Lieutenant Aeryn Sun, a Cardassian Security Officer
Lieutenant Reginald Barclay, systems and engineering
Tara, a Cardassian medical technician
Ensign Willow Rosenberg, assistant science officer
and of course--Pilot.

Occaisionally joining them should be a mysterious human named Galen, who says he's a Techno-Mage.

Exploring the little-known Delphic Expanse, Moya runs afoul of two huge military powers on the verge of interstellar war--the Narn Regime and Centauri Republic. Over time they realize another race, the Nebari, are fueling this conflict in hopes of picking up the pieces (a rebel Nebari named Chiana manages to hitch a ride). Amid all the tumult and intrigue, however, they discover a long-dead world with one inhabitant. His name is Kai, last of the Brunnen-G, kept animated by cybernetic implants in fullfillment of a prophecy that he would be the one to destroy the greatest evil the galaxy would ever know. Deep in the Delphic Expanse is another dead world, one ravaged by centuries of atomic and biological warfare. Here, underground, a brilliant mind has managed to stay alive and use the remnants of his own people to forge a race of conquerors--an obscene blend of distorted biology and cybernetics with no capacity for mercy and no desire save conquest.

That world is called Skaro. The genius is Davros. His hideous creations now ready to spread across the cosmos--the Daleks!!!!!

[aTOMiC]

Ur-vile Redenbacher stood facing his foe on the slopes of Mount Plunder with his fists on his hips and a wide, fiendish grin on his ebony face. The Pillsburry Dough Lord crouched a few feet away down on one knee trying to catch his breath. A pitch battle had been raging for hours and it finally seemed as though Pop N’ Fresh had reached the end of his stamina. Ur-vile advanced a few steps and silently drew a large stoneware pot from a satchel tied around his waist. Pop N’ Fresh instinctively knew what the pot contained and with the last of his dwindling strength quietly formed a defense. His only chance lay in summoning a Vortex of Consternation. “The time for conflict is over little lord. Your puny power is no match for my corn-lore.” Ur-vile crowed into the sky with glee and began to rub the bottom of the pot. Slowly a dim orange glow appeared where his hand met the stone. Pop N’ Fresh knew he had no useful defense against hot buttered popcorn. His sweet, soft outer skin could not provide sufficient protection against the onslaught he was about to face. He furiously concentrated on the vortex. As the heat from beneath Ur-vile’s pot increased, the first sounds of bubbling canola oil were heard. Redenbacher leered down upon his adversary with unfettered contempt. “You are weak and anile! You will be swept away with the rest of the sweet rabble that infests this land. Only the salty will survive here. You are a fool if you think you can stand against me. It is time to die cretin.” Ur-vile made a move to remove the lid from the smoking, shuddering pot when he finally noticed the nearly invisible vortex of consternation bearing down upon him. “No!” Pop N’ Fresh was thrown backward as the vortex descended to the ground between Ur-vile and himself. He began laughing uncontrollably while Redenbacher struggled to remove the lid without success. “Ahhhhhh!” Ur-vile shouted in consternation and defeat.

[Nav]

I like the sound of that series, Zahir! I suspect you'd have difficulty getting all of those characters a decent amount of screen time though.

I've always thought that the Gap unhiverse would fit quite nicely into Babylon 5. I don't think there's another sci-fi series gritty enough to take it.

My Ultimate Crossover? Five words: Bullet time light sabre duels!

[Fist and Faith]

I'd like to see any pre-cog from any story meet Yoda, and show him how to see the future. How many freakin' times do we have to hear:

"Master Yoda, how will the future be effected by this?"

[Yoda closes eyes and frowns]"Difficult to read is the future. Always in motion it is."

Thanks for nothing! Why the heck do they keep asking him???

He's good at the Zen stuff though.

"I'll try."

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try."

"I don't believe it!"

"That is why you fail."

[aTOMiC]

I must confess that the truly childish way this thread had begun did not prepare me for some of the comments so far, but never the less I shall forge on. Has anyone considered the entertainment value of watching “The Robot” from Lost in Space team up with Jet Jaguar from Godzilla vs. Megalon in a steel cage match against C3PO and one of the little robots from Silent Running? Sweet eh?

[Brinn]

Instead of a steel cage match it could just be a run-of-the-mill last automaton over the top rope affair.

[aTOMiC]

Definitely. Provided someone is clobbered by a metal folding chair at some point.

[Zahir]

Well, how about a Fellowship that's put together by a Grand Council of Wizards--Dumbledore, Gandalf, Mhoram, Merlin, Belgarath, etc. to go and penetrate the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness, stealing back the Ring of Power just stolen by a mysterious Dark Lord?

You could have Lady Door from Neverwhere, joined by Conan (for muscle, obviously), Hermione Granger (who's read about everthing they need to know), and Xander Harris as comic relief. Leading this merry band will be Willy Wonka.

The Fortress is guarded by goblins from LOTR, Labyrinth and Legend who fortunately fight amongst themselves over who's nastier. Our fellowship, after a long journey of seven days, make it to the throne room and learn that the dark lord is in fact Doctor Evil.

Who is dead. The ring he stole was a videotape. He watched it seven days ago and his time is now up.

[aTOMiC]

Zahir, that would be spectacular! I half expected you to weave a '"Final Destination" thread in there somewhere. Very cool. Fist, your comment on Yoda is well taken. I suspect that in the earlier films he was being deliberately evasive (we know Yoda and Obi-wan are just filthy liars anyway) but in the newer films I suspect the Dark Lord is casting a fuzzy pall over the Jedi Council members perceptions of the force.

[CovenantJr]

I think the Haruchai vs the Borg would be quite entertaining. The Bloodstone/Sarento from Gemmell's Jerusalem Man series vs the Clave. Oh yes! Waylander vs.............well, no-one could beat Waylander.

[CovenantJr]

Hmmm...the Hellborn (of the Jerusalem Man) vs the Clone Army (of Star Wars).

Which reminds me - two of Gemmells great characters head to head: Jon Shannow vs Waylander. Of course, Waylander would win, but it'd be a hell of a showdown!

Any other Gemmell fans out there?

[Fist and Faith]

Borg are irrelevant.

[Lord Mhoram]

I want to see Benedict duel Duncan Idaho.

And also Thomas Covenant, Bearer of the One Ring.

Tyrion Lannister, Prince of Amber.

[Fist and Faith]

Duncan Idaho, Lancelot, Musashi, Gray Mouser, Garet Jax, John Carter, d'Artangan, and others who aren't springing to mind at the moment, or who I've never read about, in a free-for-all!!

[duchess of malfi]

Heh. Dan Simmons's Shrike from his Hyperion series could take 'em all on -- simultaneously!