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CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
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Loredoctor
- Lord
- Posts: 18609
- Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2002 11:35 pm
- Location: Melbourne, Victoria
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Some of your best writing is in here:
'Surrounded by the grisly accoutrements of his trade, the surgeon sought comfort in the familiar. '
'The surgeon was unaware of his grimace, and his aides knew better than to draw attention to their employer's mannerisms; he was a self-conscious man and prone to defensive temper when embarrassed. '
'His aides were fidgeting impatiently now, unwittingly mimicking the sick, shuffling gait of the man as he had crossed the cordon and moved toward the hospital hut.'
(among others)
However, some it lacks clarity - I was confused at some points, but it works well. And the main character is alive. Good stuff, man.
'Surrounded by the grisly accoutrements of his trade, the surgeon sought comfort in the familiar. '
'The surgeon was unaware of his grimace, and his aides knew better than to draw attention to their employer's mannerisms; he was a self-conscious man and prone to defensive temper when embarrassed. '
'His aides were fidgeting impatiently now, unwittingly mimicking the sick, shuffling gait of the man as he had crossed the cordon and moved toward the hospital hut.'
(among others)
However, some it lacks clarity - I was confused at some points, but it works well. And the main character is alive. Good stuff, man.
Waddley wrote:your Highness Sir Dr. Loredoctor, PhD, Esq, the Magnificent, First of his name, Second Cousin of Dragons, White-Gold-Plate Wielder!