A new fantasy writer wants your feedback

[jscottnelson]

Hey everyone!

I'm J. Scott Nelson and I'd like to invite you all to check out www.therivenbladesaga.com. I have the synopsis and first three chapters of "Path of Peril: Book One in the Saga of the Riven Blade" posted, and would welcome any and all comments.

If you like what you see, please SIGN THE PETITION on the site and pass on the word to your friends who like fantasy. Agent Matt Bialer (who reps Robert Newcomb, Tad Williams, Tracy Hickman and many more) is repping the novel to publishers. However, this is a tough biz and I'm trying to begin building an audience and contacts of interested readers for when the book comes out.

I try to get better in my writing every day, and think that feedback and support from dedicated readers like you is a great way to improve. Let me know what you think!

[Warmark]

I think i will read that later on tonightt, however im not the best with readback, so dont expect anything earth shaking.

Also we have a forum called The Hall of Gifts kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=19 If you want to post some stories or you could submit something to the Second Kevins Watch Anthology atkevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=19

[A Gunslinger]

Hey everyone!

I'm J. Scott Nelson and I'd like to invite you all to check out www.therivenbladesaga.com. I have the synopsis and first three chapters of "Path of Peril: Book One in the Saga of the Riven Blade" posted, and would welcome any and all comments.

If you like what you see, please SIGN THE PETITION on the site and pass on the word to your friends who like fantasy. Agent Matt Bialer (who reps Robert Newcomb, Tad Williams, Tracy Hickman and many more) is repping the novel to publishers. However, this is a tough biz and I'm trying to begin building an audience and contacts of interested readers for when the book comes out.

I try to get better in my writing every day, and think that feedback and support from dedicated readers like you is a great way to improve. Let me know what you think!

Some real quick thoughts here, buddy. First let me say that writing is HARD...very hard, and i think that you are on your way to becoming a good crafter of narrative. You strike me as an eduacted, but fairly young writer, and one who has pobably read a lot of fantasy. Don't be offended by my critique, OK?

Observations:
1) Too many adverbs. A good writer rarely ever uses adverbs to describe an action; rather, she lets the action be the action or uses meatphor to further describe (by example) an action. In your prologue you say "...The wizard stood at the pedestal and carefully sprinkled the last of the century root dust over the steel.." OK. This is indeed what he did, but by saying "carefully" the reader is lead to the description. Instead something like ... "the wizard sprinkled the century-old root dust over steel with the chary grace of a surgeon".

2) Too many adjectives associated with characterizations. Write characters deeply enough so that we know HOW they will react . Don't say he is angry. Write dialogue and contextual scenery which implies the anger and trust the reader to get it.

3) Take your time. You seems to want to create a lot of tension (which makes for an interesting read), but you need to take yor time. Rising action is best when it rises gradually.

Advice:

1) Read a lot! AND read out of your genre of choice. Were I you, I'd steer completely away from fantasy for the time being. Read novels, read history books, read everything to discern writing styles and devices. OBSERVE HOW OTHERS create meaningful characterizations, and use devices to move plot points along.

2) Make it fun. The intersting thing about characters (and people) is not the clothes they wear, the things they have, etc. The thing that makes people interesting is their day-to-day trials...how they act or think when doing simple things. Not how they act in crises.

3) Write a lot. Write about people nad places that you don't know very well so that you must do the research. Writing fantasy can be easy because you can make it ALL up. Having to research the mores and folkways of people kiving in Gainseville FL is time consuming, but you learn about people that way.

4) Observe people. Ride the bus, listen to how folks interact with one another.

5) Publish short stories first. Get published!

That's all I have right now. I like what you are doing, you just need to be patient and quit trying to hit a home run at your first at bat!

[jscottnelson]

Hey Warmark -- hope you enjoy what you see.

Gunslinger -- don't worry about me being offended by feedback -- it's what I asked for! I know I have room to improve and grow and I work on it every day. Your points are appreciated -- particularly the ones made with specific examples.

There is certainly good sense to your point about not reading fantasy all the time -- several other fantasy authors I know say the same thing. But it's so hard not to read my favorite genre! I read a lot of business books -- but I'd rather poke my eye out than read even more of those. I like your advice about the history books -- I double-majored English and History in college and haven't read history in quite a while.

Thanks for the time and the comments.

JScott

P.S. What's wrong with aiming big for the home-run? I may strike out if I swing hard, but if I don't at least visualize home run nothing happens FOR SURE!

[aTOMiC]

Scott,

I had a look some of your work, read your bio and was very impressed by your web site. Of what I read I liked. I do not offer the comparison to flatter but your style reminds me of George R.R. Martin and Stephen Erikson's approach to fantasy. I cannot offer much in the way of criticism. AGunslinger makes interesting points with his comments and they are good common sense statements, worth considering. I do believe you have a solid understanding of your genre and, if published, will find an audience whether you alter your writing methods or not. I dabble in short stories myself and share the dream of becoming a published author but I do have a realistic view of the obstacles that must be overcome in order to break into the business. You have good product and a very professional attitude that should help you with your goals.

I help with and contribute to the Kevin’s Watch Anthology. A collection of short stories and poetry written by members of the Watch. The first Anthology was published earlier in the year and the second is nearing its deadline for submissions. If you care to contribute something please feel free to do so.

Tom Cummins/aTOMiC

[A Gunslinger]

P.S. What's wrong with aiming big for the home-run? I may strike out if I swing hard, but if I don't at least visualize home run nothing happens FOR SURE!

Not a damned thing, my friend! I was merely trying to suggest that being published AT ALL versus publishing your masterpiece on your first attempt is something worth considering. As I understand it, to be PUBLISHED opens up doors, and makes it easier to get the masterpiece published.

[duchess of malfi]

I have not had time to read your excerpt yet (though I hope to in a little while), but in response to Gunslinger (and these are generalizations coming from my preferences as a reader):

I would rather read fantasy stories from someone grounded in reality, such as George Martin (so many things in ASOIAF are so clearly inspired by European history, particularly the Wars of the Roses and the Tudor courts - and some of the events in Dany's life are very clearly inpsired by events in the life of Abraham Lincoln) than someone who spends pages and pages describing women's dresses or pretty architectural details of buildings. Description and world building can be taken too far! The more grounded in reality the story is, the more special the magic is when it turns up. But on the other hand, when the plot gets bogged down in detailed descriptions, it can be boring. You have to try to find balance in giving enough details to give that sense of that very grounding in reality without giving so much description it begins to read like a textbook.

And Northern Europe settings and charaters, ala Tolkien, is way too overdone. I just finished a science fiction book where most of the main characters were Afro-Carribean. Now that was a truly delightful change of pace, and the dialog sang. Don't ever be afraid to branch out from the usual.

Few things in a story are as important to me as well developed characters, with motivations which make sense to me. And that goes for "good" guys, "bad" guys, or the most delicious characters of all - gray characters. A story can never have too many gray characters!!!

Sex is great in a story - but it should
never
replace good plotting or character development. For an example of great use of sex as a part of character development, try Jackie Carey's Kushiel books. For really rotten use of sex, try Terry Goddkind or Laurell K. Hamilton's later Anita Blake books.

OK, off my soapbox, and time to go read your stuff.

[CovenantJr]

P.S. What's wrong with aiming big for the home-run? I may strike out if I swing hard, but if I don't at least visualize home run nothing happens FOR SURE!

Not a damned thing, my friend! I was merely trying to suggest that being published AT ALL versus publishing your masterpiece on your first attempt is something worth considering. As I understand it, to be PUBLISHED opens up doors, and makes it easier to get the masterpiece published.

I quite agree. I'm given to understand that being published in periodicals, magazines, etc really helps with getting a book published. Publishers want a track record, apparently.

[jscottnelson]

And Northern Europe settings and charaters, ala Tolkien, is way too overdone

I know what you mean. In this case, this was the story and the setting that spoke to me four years ago when I started. However, the new series I am working on now while I wait to see what my agent makes happen to this story is based in an Africa-like place, a vast island continent that is wild and untamed, where British-like colonial forces face a culture and environment that is very unknown to them, with a population of people they do not understand, and with a history that is quite different than they believe.

A story can never have too many gray characters!!!

I quite agree with you. I dislike stories where the villians are totally evil, and the heros totally good. In "Path of Peril" good and evil are, almost, purely determined by context and situation. I think readers will enjoy and empathize with some characters on the "evil" side, and have some real questions about the motivations of some characters on the "good" side -- while understanding how the conflicts occur.

I quite agree. I'm given to understand that being published in periodicals, magazines, etc really helps with getting a book published. Publishers want a track record, apparently

You (Gunslinger and Covenant Jr) are both absolutely correct. Publishing short fiction would help draw attention. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm very good at it. I think there is a special art to short fiction, that is very different than long fiction (not to say either is better or worse). I have subscribed to RoFM for years -- read it cover to cover every month -- and have tried my hand at a few pieces (I published almost 20 short stories in college literary magazines, although only a couple would have been considered SF/Fantasy.) I study the short fiction I enjoy, trying to figure out what makes the ones I like stand out to me. It's a difficult thing to create in a couple thousand words a world, characters, a conflict, and a resolution. I have great respect for those writers who can do it skillfully. For myself, I enjoy having more space and words to paint my picture, with multiple characters who intersect and interweave through the conflicts in which they find themselves. I guess I'm just on the tougher road then . . .

Great thoughts and feedback all! I appreciate the discussion and hope it continues.

JScott

[jscottnelson]

A number of folks from this board have visited the site and left supportive comments -- I appreciate them all.

Someone from this board asked me who my favorite writers were and I'd thought I'd post the response here for feedback:

Donaldson -- the scope and variety of unique creatures in his land were fantastic -- and the moral struggles his characters faced were somewhat unique in the genre.

Martin -- No one does political intrigue like GRRM, and readers feel the rawness of life in his world like no other.

Erikson -- His imagination is amazing, although I'd like somewhat richer characters.

Salvatore -- His battle scenes are like a ballet.

There are many more -- I read widely and try to gain something from everything I read -- but that is a start. Read my samples at www.therivenbladesaga.com and tell me what you think -- and what influences you see.

[jscottnelson]

Hey all,

Over 4,100 visitors and 23,000 pageviews of my site in the last three months, and I wanted to let you all know that while I await feedback from publishers I've posted a new chapter on my site for your reading review and comments.

In the chapter we meet Baron Loras Fralen, a military genius who isn't always politically astute. We also see the twisted Blood Magic practiced by the secretive Order who pull the strings behind the Thrall Empire, in a scene that is quite visual and disturbing.

I've also posted the hundreds of supportive comments in a "Raves from Readers" link and appreciate all who have participated.

Enjoy the chapter and feel free to share comments here.

JScott