lost

[spacemonkey]

Here's another little one I wrote in the middle of some really bad tragedies in my teen years.......




One for you only:
My heart a desert
my soul empty
eyes that have lied before
and tricked,the glass
empty
lost amongst those
who said"friend"
despaired in those who said"love"
my heart empty
my soul a desert

lost in those who said"enemy"




Well,feel priveledged,this one only one person has seen before,and suggested I place it in The Hall of Gifts........(Thanx Lyr!).These things were long since vaulted,but it came back to mind.well, there you have it..........

[Gil galad]

Thank you for sharing spacemonkey

[Wyldewode]

Yes, thank you for sharing it here. I really like this one, and the cadence is very good.

[spacemonkey]

Thanx to all, I'll admit it's a bit frightening to stick stuff like this out there, the very good possibility that what I thought was good REALLY sucks wind. Thanx for taking the time to read and comment,it really helps to figure out what I need to polish and what needs to go.Constructive critisism is sometimes painful but necessary.Thanx again Guys!! (NO Offense Lyr!!)

[sgt.null]

I liked it a lot,
I would seperate the despaired line maybe?

[spacemonkey]

There's a good possibilty sgtnull,freeform I have learned not only has to make sense but be visually appealing with good imagery.*groans* more stuff to work on......But that's ok,Maybe,just maybe,I'll get it right one of these days*grins*......

[Wyldewode]

Keep working at it, Shaun. It's all about the process. . .

[sgt.null]

as stephen king said, a writer writes.

[spacemonkey]

as stephen king said, a writer writes.

........and the Dreamers dream.....

Theres a great bit of truth,I think David Eddings once said to write about a million words then burn them right alongside of your rejection slips and then,maybe,JUST MAYBE you might be ready to write.........Wow,isn't he just a bright ray of sunshine........