ABC Barbie
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DukkhaWaynhim
- The Gap Into Spam
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- Location: Deep in thought
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DukkhaWaynhim
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 9195
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Deep in thought
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DukkhaWaynhim
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 9195
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Deep in thought
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DukkhaWaynhim
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 9195
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Deep in thought
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variol son
- The Gap Into Spam
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A Gunslinger
- The Gap Into Spam
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High Lord Tolkien
- Excommunicated Member of THOOLAH
- Posts: 7393
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No More Mrs. Nice Girl Barbie
Here's something to go along with the name:
******************************
Barbie's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the
perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and
dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya',
Santa, but it's pay back time. There had better be some changes around
here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you
don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas
2001:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a
hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to
have nylon and Velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded
underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him,
bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump
of a boy toy, Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HULLO!?!
4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms
that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once
he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.
6. A jog bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor, school teacher and make real money.
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a pint of
cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl
complexion.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years - I think I deserve a
piece of the action. Considering my valuable contribution to society and
Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you don't like it, you
can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
* * *
Ken's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
It has come to my attention that one of my colleagues has petitioned
you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and
career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging
remarks were made about me, my sexuality, and some of my fashion
choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of issues
concerning Ms. Barbie, as well as some of my own needs and desires:
First, I, along with several of my colleagues, feel Ms. Barbie DOES NOT
deserve the preferential treatment she has received over the years. That
bitch has everything. Neither I, nor Joe, Jem, nor The Raggedys, Ann &
Andy, have dream houses, Corvettes, dune buggies, evening gowns, and
some of us do not even have the ability to change our hairstyle. I have
had a limited wardrobe, obviously designed to complement but never
upstage Ms. Barbie. My decision to accessorize with an earring was
immediately quashed, which I protest, for it was my decision and
reflects my lifestyle choice.
I would like a change in my career to further explore my creative
nature. Some options which could be considered are "Decorator Ken,"
"Beauty Salon Ken," or "Broadway Ken." Other avenues which could be
considered are: "Go-Go Ken," "Impersonator Ken" (with wigs and gowns),
or "West Hollywood Ken." These would more accurately reflect my
interests and, I believe, open up markets that have been under served.
As for Ms. Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away", I
need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees
would also be helpful in other situations of which you are aware.
In closing, further concessions to the Blonde Bimbo from Hell, while
the needs of others within my coalition are ignored, will result in
legal action to be taken by myself and others.
And kindly tell Ms. Barbie she can forget about G.I. Joe... he's mine,
at least that's what he said last night.
Sincerely,
Ken
Here's something to go along with the name:
******************************
Barbie's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the
perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and
dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya',
Santa, but it's pay back time. There had better be some changes around
here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you
don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas
2001:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a
hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to
have nylon and Velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded
underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him,
bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump
of a boy toy, Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HULLO!?!
4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms
that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once
he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.
6. A jog bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor, school teacher and make real money.
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a pint of
cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl
complexion.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years - I think I deserve a
piece of the action. Considering my valuable contribution to society and
Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you don't like it, you
can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
* * *
Ken's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
It has come to my attention that one of my colleagues has petitioned
you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and
career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging
remarks were made about me, my sexuality, and some of my fashion
choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of issues
concerning Ms. Barbie, as well as some of my own needs and desires:
First, I, along with several of my colleagues, feel Ms. Barbie DOES NOT
deserve the preferential treatment she has received over the years. That
bitch has everything. Neither I, nor Joe, Jem, nor The Raggedys, Ann &
Andy, have dream houses, Corvettes, dune buggies, evening gowns, and
some of us do not even have the ability to change our hairstyle. I have
had a limited wardrobe, obviously designed to complement but never
upstage Ms. Barbie. My decision to accessorize with an earring was
immediately quashed, which I protest, for it was my decision and
reflects my lifestyle choice.
I would like a change in my career to further explore my creative
nature. Some options which could be considered are "Decorator Ken,"
"Beauty Salon Ken," or "Broadway Ken." Other avenues which could be
considered are: "Go-Go Ken," "Impersonator Ken" (with wigs and gowns),
or "West Hollywood Ken." These would more accurately reflect my
interests and, I believe, open up markets that have been under served.
As for Ms. Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away", I
need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees
would also be helpful in other situations of which you are aware.
In closing, further concessions to the Blonde Bimbo from Hell, while
the needs of others within my coalition are ignored, will result in
legal action to be taken by myself and others.
And kindly tell Ms. Barbie she can forget about G.I. Joe... he's mine,
at least that's what he said last night.
Sincerely,
Ken
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!