What do you call a brunette with bad breath?
A blonde doing a handstand.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all pregnant and discussing their soon-to-be bundles 'o joy.
Redhead: "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on top when he was conceived".
Brunette: "Well, I'm having a girl because I was on the bottom when she was conceived".
At this point, the blonde starts crying hysterically, and says, "Oh my God, I'm going to have puppies!"
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Why do blondes go to the bathroom in groups?
They're not used to taking their own pants down.
Women . Can't kill them
Moderator: Orlion
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
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"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
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"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
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"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
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"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
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Cail!!!
Just for ElfieElfgirl wrote:OF COURSE I AM! How else could I be so eloquent?Vain wrote:What?!?!? You're a fake blonde???
I infiltrated the enemy camp because blonds really DO have more fun...
EDIT - and James, here's another...
A blond, brunette & redhead are in 4th grade. Who has the biggest boobies?
The blond, because she's 18 years old...
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife!” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “This gun you gave me had blanks in it so I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife!” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “This gun you gave me had blanks in it so I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
He/She who dies with the most toys wins! Wait a minute ... I can't die!!!
Creator wrote:The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife!” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “This gun you gave me had blanks in it so I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
I almost feel terrible for finding this REALLY funny.
Almost.
Avatar wrote:But then, the answers provided by your imagination are not only sometimes best, but have the added advantage of being unable to be wrong.
Lucky that page started loading REAL slow...once I saw the TITLE, I shut it down!!Vain wrote: Just for Elfie
*Vain, you're dead meat*
"Right away would be good. Right now would be better"
-- Nick Succorso
OK, so what's the speed of dark?- Larry the Cable Guy
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Fist and Faith
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DukkhaWaynhim
- The Gap Into Spam
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I'm Murrin
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Ger always says, regarding women, "put 'em in the yard and feed 'em fish heads."
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
-
DukkhaWaynhim
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 9195
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 8:35 pm
- Location: Deep in thought
dw's pun-fu mastery has reached a level of obliqueness (o-bleak-ness?) such that it now goes entirely undetected...
a shovel might be a cad bury-bar [with a dirt-spatula on one end].
Perhaps I should switch to blond jokes instead (and for reference purposes, dw is XY-blond).
Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? She was throwing out all the W pieces.
Did you hear about the blond that drowned? Apparently, someone put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool...
How do get a one-armed blond out of a tree? Wave at her...
How can you tell if the secretary is blond? Check the PC monitor for white-out.
You know why blonds don't drink Kool-Aid? They can't figure out how to get 2-qts water in that little packet.
Yeah, blond jokes are much easier than puns...
dw
a shovel might be a cad bury-bar [with a dirt-spatula on one end].
Perhaps I should switch to blond jokes instead (and for reference purposes, dw is XY-blond).
Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? She was throwing out all the W pieces.
Did you hear about the blond that drowned? Apparently, someone put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool...
How do get a one-armed blond out of a tree? Wave at her...
How can you tell if the secretary is blond? Check the PC monitor for white-out.
You know why blonds don't drink Kool-Aid? They can't figure out how to get 2-qts water in that little packet.
Yeah, blond jokes are much easier than puns...
dw
"God is real, unless declared integer." - Unknown
