I thought some of these might amuse you. All of the following either occured, was mentioned, was mentioned as something I am not allowed to do, is something I did, or something I saw someone else do.
1) No longer allowed to greet any manager, when late, with, "'bout damn time you showed up!"
2) I do not have minions.
3) I am not allowed to recruit minions.
4) I do not speak spanish.
5) I do not speak Spanglish, either.
6) 'Donde estas mi zapados de los maricones,' while funny, is not appropriate for the workplace environment.
7) If no one else speaks the language I am currently shouting in, I am no longer allowed to shout in it.
8) No longer allowed to ask my supervisor, Roberto, how to say anything in Spanish.
9) "My Mother!" is not a valid rejoinder for a swearing competition.
10) I am not allowed to 'fire ze missiles,' even if I take a nap first.
11) Not allowed to call any employee "Groveller"
12) Especially if they're Management.
13) No longer allowed to channel any of the following: Lenny Bruce, Dennis Leary, Lord Foul, Thomas Covenant, Gay Samwise Gamgee, Straight Samwise Gamgee, Bicurious Samwise Gamgee, Abraham Lincoln, Undead Abraham Lincoln, Fidel Castro, Henry Howard Taft, or any of the Marx Brothers.
14) No one wants to hear about TCTC.
15) After discussing Dr. Linden Avery with my Store Manager, I am no longer allowed to work the Kleenex Aisle.
16) Or paper products all together, for good measure and safety.
17) I may not 'raid the pharmacy for tasty candy.'
18) Even if my knee-joint just bent the wrong way.
19) Not allowed to die during a robbery, even if it's in a particularly heroic fashion.
20) No, I may not have a week off from work 'because I've been assigned Superboy Prime Duty and I have to fly back to Oa.'
21) Even if I'm wearing the Green Lantern costume at the time.
22) I must stop stalking Brittney.
23) Even if I'm not stalking her.
24) The rules of Physics, Causality, Socio-economics, Morallity, and Ethics do not apply to me while I'm working. Management says so.
25) I am, apparently, responsible for concussions my coworkers recieve when they attempt to scare me.
26) While it's illegal to not return them, I am not required to return fake IDs.
27) Not required to remind minor who just attempted to aquire alcohol that they're leaving their wallet when storming out.
28) Until I've removed all cash from said wallet.
29) Though I am the one who commited said Thievery, I must equitably distribute said spoils with my cohorts.
30) Must not call the cohorts 'cohorts' to their face. Such violates the 'minions' rules.
31) Not allowed to frighten management.
32) If cops are called to the store at 2:30 AM because I've gone outside, and, while on break, have plugged in my strat and amp, and am playing 'I Think I'm Turning Japanese' loud enough to hit the pain threshold for people who still have good hearing, it's not okay if the cops do nothing because 'they think I can really jam.'
33) Not allowed to keep said cops at store for an hour, playing everything I know on guitar for them.
34) Particularly if that means I take 30 minutes more break than allowed.
35) No one wants to hear about how much I love David Bowie.
36) No one wants to hear about how much I want David Bowie to love me.
37) Or how.
38) Not allowed to work on this list while at work.
Things EL is no longer allowed to do at work.
Moderator: Orlion
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emotional leper
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Cagliostro
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Cameraman Jenn
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I would feel slighted if a day went by in which my employees did not refer to me as the evil overlord. 
Now if I could just find a way to wear live bees as jewelry all the time.....
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Cagliostro
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Menolly
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If all goes according to plan, EL is moving back to Gator Town. He was here before, but joined the Watch afterwards, so we did not know of each other. Now, we have plans for some very intense conversations in person in our future...
...not too mention the joint birthday party next year on August 31st for EL, my son Beorn, and dlb (if I can get that silly Vol to step his hallowed self in to Gator Town for it) with my home made coconut cream cheese layer cakes and key lime pie...
...not too mention the joint birthday party next year on August 31st for EL, my son Beorn, and dlb (if I can get that silly Vol to step his hallowed self in to Gator Town for it) with my home made coconut cream cheese layer cakes and key lime pie...
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stormrider
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Harsh, man -- I think not being able to channel Bicurious Samwise Gamgee during work hours would be pretty hard on anyone. 
“...The conversations had a nightmare flatness, talking dice spilled in the tube metal chairs, human aggregates disintegrating in cosmic inanity, random events in a dying universe where everything is exactly what it appears to be and no other relation than juxtaposition is possible.”
“There are two kinds of sufferers in this world: those who suffer from a lack of life, and those who suffer from an overabundance.”
"Meantime we shall express our darker purpose."
“There are two kinds of sufferers in this world: those who suffer from a lack of life, and those who suffer from an overabundance.”
"Meantime we shall express our darker purpose."
Gator town -Menolly wrote:If all goes according to plan, EL is moving back to Gator Town. He was here before, but joined the Watch afterwards, so we did not know of each other. Now, we have plans for some very intense conversations in person in our future...
...not too mention the joint birthday party next year on August 31st for EL, my son Beorn, and dlb (if I can get that silly Vol to step his hallowed self in to Gator Town for it) with my home made coconut cream cheese layer cakes and key lime pie...
Could we maybe meet at the edge of the state line instead, maybe at that restaurant that Floridians are so fond of - oh, what's it called - Waffle House? 
Aw c'mon DLB, you don't want to go down to America's whang?
If they start getting on your case, just ask 'em to vote on something, it'll screw 'em up for a month or more.
If they start getting on your case, just ask 'em to vote on something, it'll screw 'em up for a month or more.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
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"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
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"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
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"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
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Menolly
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Cail, now you leave off interfering with my convincing dlb to come down this way for his birthday next year! He and I have some intra-SEC banter to partake in here.Cail wrote:Aw c'mon DLB, you don't want to go down to America's whang?
If they start getting on your case, just ask 'em to vote on something, it'll screw 'em up for a month or more.
Sorry, I don't know any good Tennessee jokes.
How about Georgia?
Did you hear about the fire at the Governor's mansion? It burned all the way down to the wheels.
You know why the St. John's river flows south to north? Because Georgia sucks.
How about Georgia?
Did you hear about the fire at the Governor's mansion? It burned all the way down to the wheels.
You know why the St. John's river flows south to north? Because Georgia sucks.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
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emotional leper
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Prebe
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Yeah. Excellent fun EL!Null wrote:EL: great list!
i am still allowed to sing whatever I want at work. quite loudly. including show tunes and patriotic tunes. it seems i am allowed to bellow patriotic songs.
Mental images of The Sarge wandering down the aisle beating time with his nightstick against the bars while singing "God Bless America" SO makes my day!
Thanks Sarge! U da MAN!
"I would have gone to the thesaurus for a more erudite word."
-Hashi Lebwohl
-Hashi Lebwohl
