The Creed-Part I

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Furls Fire
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The Creed-Part I

Post by Furls Fire »

Okay everyone, Fist talked me into doing this. Please be gentle, I'm not used to showing my writing to anyone :) This is the first part of a very long story I have been working on for years. I keep messing with it. If it's any good and you all would like to see more of it, let me know and I'll post the rest. Probably in parts, because in MS Word it is 52 pages long and about 20,000 words. Not exactly "short" fiction. :)

Oh...and Fist...I named my main character LONG before I read Earthsea, but maybe I should change his name now...hmmmm.

Okay...here we go...

The Creed

Krele Kest moved shadowlike down the reeking back alleyway toward the lump of gray stone at its end. The city now enshrouded by the dead moonless night. The dull stars offering no light, yet his eyes were focused. He drew up to it, whispered around to its back side and tapped lightly on the ice-cold, dirty glass of a small window. It being curtained only by a thin veil of material, he could easily see the glow of a lone candle dancing closer towards him. Abruptly, a bony hand pulled the curtain aside, and her face, worn and weary, appeared before him. Her tired eyes instantly filled with a mixture of dread and gratitude, and she raised her bony shaking hand to cover her thin mouth. Then she disappeared. Krele moved silently over to the heavy wooden door, tested the latch and slipped inside.

She stood before him in a dingy night dress way too big for her painfully thin body. "You come." She said in a trembling voice. "In defiance of God Himself, you come."

Krele took down the hood of his black cloak, and raked his blue-black hair away from his eyes. "Where is the child?" He breathed more than spoke.

"In there." She told him, pointing a shaky finger at a curtained doorway to Krele's left.

He moved toward it.

She placed a hand on his arm, her eyes to the floor. "My Lord Kest, will the magic….", she paused, lifting her gaze to his face, "will the magic hurt her?"

"No." He told her, forcing himself to smile. "The pain of the magic will be cast upon me. She will feel nothing."

"This, this frightens me." She whispered.

"Me as well." He said as he parted the curtain.

The child lay like sacrifice on the pile of dirty, sweat-soaked quilts that served as her bed. She writhed and trembled. Her pale, tiny face bathed in perspiration. "Tell me Lord Kest." The child's mother sobbed. "What sort of God does this? What could be more evil?"

Krele's hard gaze locked on the child. "Our God spun himself from hate. He relishes in such things. But, this one small pleasure I take from Him. And, if He so chooses, He can shower me with his wrath." He told her mother, his voice seething with contempt. She nodded then. Sorrow dripping from her eyes. He put a reassuring hand on her small shoulder. “I will do what I can.”

Krele then removed his cloak and the sheathed sword from around his waist. Kneeling before the deathly ill child, he placed his cold hands on her burning cheeks. She started, whether from his frigid touch or some inner turmoil, he couldn't be sure. Her eyes snapped open and they shifted wildly about, showing absolutely no hint of awareness. "Whatever happens," he said over his shoulder, "do not touch me, or her."

He then closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, and cleared his mind of everything save only the image of the child. He continued to breathe, gathering his resolve, this was not going to be easy. With painstaking slowness, he made his way into her, let her illness seep into his consciousness. It was devastating. It invaded him in a rage and fury not unlike that of wild fire let loose in a forest of dead trees, ready to feed ravenously on anything in its path. He quailed for an instant, wanting to scream in horror, wanting to recoil from her agony. But then he felt her tiny heartbeat, a thin whisper barely heard within the cacophony of her illness. He reached for it, seeking a constant to hold on to, not wanting to lose himself to the madness of her sickness. Yet, it grew more and more feeble. She was dying. And his own blood boiled with her fever, his body engulfed in her pain.

Then, in a frenzy to seize a new mind, the mad riot of her delirium assaulted him. Nightmare crashed into him like a fist. Fiendish, hideous images reached for him, threatening to drag him down to the depths of utter insanity. He shrank from them, almost losing himself in absolute despair. Yet, he didn't. He struggled with them, forced them aside, forced them to relent, and they shrieked at him in rage. Then, finally, he overwhelmed their hold. And, managing somehow to gain control over her illness, he called wearily to the magic.

And it answered.

Suddenly, a force hammered him. Piercing power stabbed him. With wild ferocity, it attacked him, pulsing through his veins like raw poison. Every beat of his laboring heart increased the agony. He fought to maintain control; to keep the child's image in his mind. When the pain became so excruciating that he felt it in every nerve, muscle, and extremity, and could feel death reaching for him, he released the magic. He poured it into the child's image, and felt his hands, still placed on her cheeks, burning as though they were afire. His body screamed at him, but he ignored it and concentrated on channeling the intense power that swelled within him. The magic engulfed her illness, inhaled it, as though it were food the magic’s malice preyed on. It then tried to rebound on him, but he was strong and forced it to do his bidding. There was a moment when sheer panic threatened to overwhelm him, but then, as the magic drained out of him, her image faded and the pain lessened somewhat. Yet, he knew that it had been too much this time, his heart limping with exhaustion, he sank into darkness.

He woke to a warm touch rubbing his smooth, shaved face. He opened his eyes, forcing his vision to focus on the blurred image that hovered above him. He soon realized that he was staring directly into the pale, smiling face of the child, her small hand still on his cheek.

In that instant, he thought of his father, and what he would have done to her had he found her. He winced as it stung him. But, his father was dead, killed by the very knife that he had used on so many others. Krele forced the thought from his mind, and with the help of the child's mother, he sat up.

He found himself on the cold dirt floor of the child's bedroom. He held his hands to his face, breathed in and out thickly. Whispered to himself, “too much, for mercy’s sake, too much. Yet, I did it.”

"Thank you. Lord Kest." The child said then.

"Praise to the Creed." Her mother whispered.

Krele dropped his hands from his face and looked the child in the eye. "What we did on this night is against church law, forbidden. You must never tell anyone. If you do, I will die, your mother will die, and you will die. Do you understand?"

"Don't worry. Lord Kest." She said seriously, her forehead wrinkled in a frown. "I will never say anything to anyone."

"Good girl." He said, forcing a smile. She wrapped her small, thin arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"I wish you were God." She said.

His smile was genuine this time, as he gently unclasped her arms from his neck and stood painfully up. He looked at her mother. "How long?"

"Well over an hour." She replied, unmasked hero-worship in her eyes.

"Damn! I must go; I have been here far too long." He strapped on his sword and threw on his cloak. He pulled the hood over his dark hair and, without another word, left the small house and its two grateful occupants.
Last edited by Furls Fire on Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Fist and Faith »

YES!!!! EXCELLENT!!!!

I love "Our God spun himself from hate." Great image!

The whole thing is great! I love when "he made his way into her." I got a real feel for it! So difficult to describe a process that doesn't exist in our lives in a way that we can relate to!! Trying to hold her heartbeat as an anchor... The devestation of the illness... Wow!!

I'm so glad you posted it!! And I can't wait to read the rest!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest
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Post by Furls Fire »

THANK YOU!! :) :) :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Earthblood
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Post by Earthblood »

Furl - I can't think of a story more well put and that painted such a picture in my mind. Please keep working on it & publish it so the whole world can enjoy it!

What happens to this child?
Does Lord Krest get caught?

post more!!!
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Post by Furls Fire »

Thank you Earthy. :) Alot happens to Krele. I'll post more of it soon. :)

I would also like input on how to improve it, I feel it has some weak parts further in. That opening scene itself has been reworded at least 100 times. LOL!! And I STILL think it's weak it places. :)

Thank you so much for the encouragement Fist and Earthy :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Brinn »

Nice work Furl...A captivating read! Keep up the good work.
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill
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Post by Furls Fire »

Thanks Brinn :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Tulizar »

Wow! Nice work Furls. It usually takes more than a page to catch my interest in a 50 page story! I kept scrolling down for more...more...more!
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Post by Furls Fire »

Glad you like it Tulizar!! Thanks for taking the time to give me your response, it's very much appreciated :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Skyweir »

fantastic piece of literary craftsmanship ;)
"Our God spun himself from hate. He relishes in such things. But, this one small pleasure I take from Him. And, if He so chooses, He can shower me with his wrath."
what a brilliant notion!! I loved the implication of this irregular concept.. really refreshing ..

very engaging indeed!! I cant wait to read more .. discover the dynamics of this world and its society .. and its gods ..

really clever and very intriguing!!

I am speechless ;) should such a thing be possible!!

truly a wonderful story .. and a brilliant underlying concept!!

very clever indeed ;)
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Post by Furls Fire »

Wow, thank you Sky!! To have my words quoted back to me is just awesome!! I'm humbled :oops:

So glad you like it!! :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Skyweir »

I dont like it .. I LOVE IT!!

and i am desperate for more of the same!!

you do have a gift .. this is a great story .. how long will it take you to knock out a Pt. V?

forgive my crassness .. but i am a desperate addict now :( hungry for much much more!! :)
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Post by Furls Fire »

The story is done, well for the most part. I just been reworking it. I split it up because it was so long. :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Skyweir »

kewl .. post away!! .. umm puhlease!! lol

mmm .. i'm ready for the next parts .. not wanting to sound greedy or anything ;) but .. when are you gonna post the rest???
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Post by aTOMiC »

Furl, you have a real talent for creating a mood and setting that is nearly tangible. Well done. I will search out the other chapters.
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Post by Furls Fire »

Thanks Clear :) I broke it up into 5 parts because it was so long....hope you like the rest of it :)
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by Guest »

Hey everyone! My sweet Isaiah sent this to a UK mag without my knowledge back in January. I got a postcard from them the other day saying that they had recieved the story and were giving it a "second read". It also said they would contact me soon. I had NO idea Isaiah had sent it anywhere!!! I am floored and in awe of my dear friend. I will let you all know when I hear again from this mag. :D
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Post by Furls Fire »

AAAARGHHHHHH!!! rotten cookies!!! :x
And I believe in you
altho you never asked me too
I will remember you
and what life put you thru.


~fly fly little wing, fly where only angels sing~

~this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you~

...for then I could fly away and be at rest. Sweet rest, Mom. We all love and miss you.

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Post by birdandbear »

Wow Furls! 8O :D That's awesome! :Hail:
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Post by duchess of malfi »

I think this is great news. Shadow was returning some of the love you and your family shared with him so freely. :)
I hope you will give us even better news soon -- that this wonderful story has been accepted for publication. :)
Love as thou wilt.

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