I have seldom laughed as hard as I did reading this.
The Elisha part with the bears is making me laugh just thinking about it.
It's not the verses that I'm laughing about but the article around it.
Awesome!
I posted in the Tank because I didn't want to offend anyone, although.......
it's not negative at all.
www.cracked.com/article_15699_9-most-ba ... erses.html
"most-badass-bible-verses"
Moderator: Fist and Faith
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High Lord Tolkien
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"most-badass-bible-verses"
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
I saw this yesterday at work and laughed my ass off. I had no idea where to post it, and figured it would offend too many people to stay posted.
Since you showed the wisdom to post it in one of the forums I mod, I'll fight to leave it up.
Thanks HLT!
Oh, and the bears are great!
Since you showed the wisdom to post it in one of the forums I mod, I'll fight to leave it up.
Thanks HLT!
Oh, and the bears are great!
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
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"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
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[Syl]
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Sorry, guys. There's no way this fits in the Tank. I'm booting it to The Close.
"It is not the literal past that rules us, save, possibly, in a biological sense. It is images of the past. Each new historical era mirrors itself in the picture and active mythology of its past or of a past borrowed from other cultures. It tests its sense of identity, of regress or new achievement against that past.”
-George Steiner
-George Steiner
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High Lord Tolkien
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Except that the Close is about religion and this is a pretty sarcastic look at it.
My intent was not to offend anyone.
Many people avoid the Tank because of that.
I even passed on posting it in the General forum too for the same reason.
I thought the Tank was the safest place to get the most discussion.
I imagined that it might also trigger some more sarcasm about other Bible passages too.
My intent was not to offend anyone.
Many people avoid the Tank because of that.
I even passed on posting it in the General forum too for the same reason.
I thought the Tank was the safest place to get the most discussion.
I imagined that it might also trigger some more sarcasm about other Bible passages too.
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
It probably is more appropriate to General Discussion than either the Tank or the Close, simply because I doubt HLT was intending to start any serious debate about the relative bad-assedness of several Bible verses.
It's certainly not hurting anything in here.
Edit-but alas......
It's certainly not hurting anything in here.
Edit-but alas......
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
heh. badass sheriff moves badass bible verse thread to close. 
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
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[Syl]
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The Close isn't just for theological debates (I used to mod here, y'know). Religious humor is allowed. For instance, there's the "S*** happens, by way of world religions" thread. And if someone reads the title and is still offended when they check out the thread... too bad. So relax. If it doesn't fit here, it doesn't fit anywhere. Since there's nothing current, political, or even jurisprudential, it doesn't fit in the Tank, which is not (necessarily) synonymous with "flamebait dumping ground." <edit: not that I'm saying it's flamebait. Looks fairly innocuous to me. Just in the sense that you expect it might offend someone>
"It is not the literal past that rules us, save, possibly, in a biological sense. It is images of the past. Each new historical era mirrors itself in the picture and active mythology of its past or of a past borrowed from other cultures. It tests its sense of identity, of regress or new achievement against that past.”
-George Steiner
-George Steiner
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The Dreaming
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Prebe
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From Genesis 34:
It makes Shakespeares Henry the Fifth look like a benevolent old git!
And all Jacob gives them is a slap on the wrist for making him "stink" to the neighbours.
Sheesh! How could the writers of the very amusing article have missed that piece?
And theses are the GOOD guys, avenging a virgin spoiled! I'd hate to think what the BAD guys do! Put that in your pipe and smoke it Charles Bronson! Why punish just the rapist? Hey, let's kill all the males, kindap the women (and children) and smash and pillage the whole city while we're at it.25And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.
26And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.
27The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
28They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
29And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
It makes Shakespeares Henry the Fifth look like a benevolent old git!
And all Jacob gives them is a slap on the wrist for making him "stink" to the neighbours.
Sheesh! How could the writers of the very amusing article have missed that piece?
"I would have gone to the thesaurus for a more erudite word."
-Hashi Lebwohl
-Hashi Lebwohl
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Menolly
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Heh.Prebe wrote:From Genesis 34:And theses are the GOOD guys, avenging a virgin spoiled! I'd hate to think what the BAD guys do! Put that in your pipe and smoke it Charles Bronson! Why punish just the rapist? Hey, let's kill all the males, kindap the women (and children) and smash and pillage the whole city while we're at it.25And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.
26And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.
27The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
28They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
29And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
It makes Shakespeares Henry the Fifth look like a benevolent old git!
And all Jacob gives them is a slap on the wrist for making him "stink" to the neighbours.
Sheesh! How could the writers of the very amusing article have missed that piece?
Have you read Anita Diamant's The Red Tent Prebe?
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High Lord Tolkien
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Here's the very first penalty for early withdrawal:
Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also. -- Genesis 38:8-10 (NIV)
Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also. -- Genesis 38:8-10 (NIV)
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
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High Lord Tolkien
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Song of Solomon 5:4
My beloved put in his hand by the hole, and my bowels were moved for him
My beloved put in his hand by the hole, and my bowels were moved for him
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!
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Prebe
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No, I haven't had the pleasure. What's it about?Menolly wrote:Have you read Anita Diamant's The Red Tent Prebe?
HEY! He TOLD her not to!Montressor wrote:And what about turning someone to a pillar of salt just for looking over their shoulder
OMFG (quite literally!)HLT/Solomon wrote:My beloved put in his hand by the hole, and my bowels were moved for him
Not just graphic sex, but fisting (detailed to the level of shifting bowels). It is true what the schollars say: You never seize to find new things in the Good Book!
On closer examination
The King James version DID wrote: 4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. [perhaps she just let go a nervous wind?]
5 I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.
6 I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself[if you want to stay in the metaphors that one kicks ass!], and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.
"I would have gone to the thesaurus for a more erudite word."
-Hashi Lebwohl
-Hashi Lebwohl
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[Syl]
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I would be entirely unsurprised if that was a dodgy translation. King James' version sucks. Other versions give it as "my heart moved for him." In Hebrew, the verse reads:
דודי שלח ידו מן־החר ומעי המו עליו
I suck at biblical Hebrew, so I'll have to look it up. I know that the word isn't "heart," but... Also, whatever "hole by the door" is, it's one word.
דודי שלח ידו מן־החר ומעי המו עליו
I suck at biblical Hebrew, so I'll have to look it up. I know that the word isn't "heart," but... Also, whatever "hole by the door" is, it's one word.
"It is not the literal past that rules us, save, possibly, in a biological sense. It is images of the past. Each new historical era mirrors itself in the picture and active mythology of its past or of a past borrowed from other cultures. It tests its sense of identity, of regress or new achievement against that past.”
-George Steiner
-George Steiner
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Prebe
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Way to go Syl! I am rooting for the more colorfull version certainly! I mean, what IS a "hole by the door" anyway, and what does it have to do with bowels???
Last edited by Prebe on Sat Dec 01, 2007 7:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I would have gone to the thesaurus for a more erudite word."
-Hashi Lebwohl
-Hashi Lebwohl