A conundrum

[High Lord Tolkien]

I agree with most of the advice and comments given here, just don't be in any rush for resolution. It takes time to release a good hate! Seriously, you need to stew it over in your head for a while.

The only thing I'd like to add is my admiration that you isolated your daughter from the threat even though it cut you off from your Mom.
You are a true Father that puts his child above all else.



One other thing is about your feeling of hate.
Don't expect to feel too much of a change if you ever do let it go.
I mentioned in another thread about my 25 year hate and disgust toward my father for just up and walking away from a wife, me and 4 other children.
Last year I called him up out of the blue and we talked.
There was no feeling of "release" or letting go of a life long hate.
I just don't get as pissed off like I used to or think about it nearly as much.
But I am glad I "let it go".
Hopefully you'll do better.

Take care.

[Ki]

like others have said, it's ok to feel like you do. if someone else came to you with these feelings, i have a feeling that you would tell them the same thing. so please don't be hard on yourself. what you are going through (and what you've been through) is bad enough without beating yourself up over your (justified and understandable) anger. you are a good person and a great dad. having these feelings doesn't change that.

[lucimay]

like others have said, it's ok to feel like you do. if someone else came to you with these feelings, i have a feeling that you would tell them the same thing. so please don't be hard on yourself. what you are going through (and what you've been through) is bad enough without beating yourself up over your (justified and understandable) anger. you are a good person and a great dad. having these feelings doesn't change that.

absolutely. good post ki.

[sgt.null]

having experienced this i can only tell you my reaction. i hated for a long time and that anger burned out. and though my older brother still breathes - he might as well be dead. i have no feelings either way for him. it's a process that each person goes through differently. find what works for you and go with that. and if you need to change that approach, do so. maybe not so helpful.

[Kil Tyme]

That's pretty rough, Zapp; sorry to hear what you went through. My 2 cents: most hate comes from lack of control, and now that he's dead he escaped your vengence if not only your words. Constant hate can soil the soul and hurt your lifespan. I can only imagine that it is quite frustrating now, too. I would recommend as hard as it may be to turn the hate off and struggle with replacing it with just a big sigh of relief that he is gone and can hurt no more.

[dlbpharmd]

I have nothing to add to the excellent replies above. Hang in there, my friend.

[Edge]

I went through the same experience with a relative who abused female members of my family. Though he's been dead for many years now, just thinking about the bastard is enough to make me start shaking with anger.

So I don't think about him.

[MsMary]

I have nothing to add to the excellent replies above. Hang in there, my friend.

What dlbp said.