Covenant walks into a bar....

Post by **lurch** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:55 am

After being served the divorce papers from Joan, Thomas Covenant goes to town, walks into the first bar he sees and grumbles, " Give me a shot of whiskey!.".he gulps it down, then yells out.." All Lawyers are assholes!!"
From the other end of the bar a voice is heard,, "' Hey! Take that back!"
Thomas barks, " Why, You a Lawyer? ",," No! I'm a asshole!"

Post by **deer of the dawn** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:46 pm

Covenant walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. Soon after, a priest, a rabbi, and a blonde walk in and sit down. Covenant growls, "What is this, a joke??"

Post by **lurch** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 2:11 pm

Thomas Covenant is quietly at the Mythil Stonedown bar nursing a scotch and water when all of a sudden a Stonedowner runs in yelling,," Look Out Everybody!! The Biggest Nastiest Monster is coming to town!! Run for your lives!! The Stonedowner promptly leaves yelling his message on his way. Not 2 seconds later the biggest stinkiest foulest Demondim Covenant had ever seen waddled into the bar and demanded a bottle of whiskey,," AND MAKE IT QUICK!!" the Demondim growled. The bartender scurried and said,," Sure! Sure ! anything you want!, but whats the hurry?" Demondim replied," Hurry up with that!!, Haven't you heard?,,Thelma Two Fist is on her way to town!!"

Post by **lurch** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 2:19 pm

Drinny trots into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender says, excuse me, but you'll have to speak up, i didn't quite get that, now, what do ya have?" Drinny again said it wanted a gin and tonic. The bartender replied," Coulld you please say that louder! If you want a drink , You'll have to speak up so I can hear you! "Drinny replied, " You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little hoarse."

Post by **lurch** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 2:24 pm

Why was Linden Avery on the roof of the only bar in Mithil Stonedown?

...because she heard the drinks are on the house..

Post by **Seeker of Truth** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 8:04 pm

please please stop - i've just wetted my third pair of pants.

Post by **Prebe** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 8:45 pm

Lord Mhoram walks into "Trell's Bar and Grill"* and says: "Yo Trellster! How is it hanging? Could you get me a shot of Diamondraught please?"

"Sure thing!" says Trell, furriously twitching "That'll be 5 cents Sir."

"5 cents??" exclaims Lord Mhoram "That's damned cheap. Let me have a double then."

"Yes sir, five cents please." Trell answers.

"Hey! Waitaminute... I'll have a whole skin full then." Lord Mhoram drools expectantly.

"Yes sir. Five cents please." Trell says, now smiling slightly.

"Fine!" Lord Mhoram is shaken not stirred: " Let my buy the whole damned place, you silly old twat!"

Trell sets his habitual price: "Yes my Lord. Five cents please."

"But WHY???" Mhoram shouts: "You just sold me what's left of your livelihood for FIVE MEASLY CENTS!!!!"

"Well," Trell philosophizes: "TC is upstairs f**king my demented daughter. Now I'm downstairs f**king up his business."

* A small joint that TC bought and named after Trell to make amends after Trell went off his rocker. Pun intended.

Post by **AjK** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:58 pm

lurch wrote:After being served the divorce papers from Joan, Thomas Covenant goes to town, walks into the first bar he sees and grumbles, " Give me a shot of whiskey!.".he gulps it down, then yells out.." All Lawyers are assholes!!"
From the other end of the bar a voice is heard,, "' Hey! Take that back!"
Thomas barks, " Why, You a Lawyer? ",," No! I'm a asshole!"

+1. You can't beat a good lawyer joke!

Post by **Rocksister** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:52 pm

Lawyer joke, priceless. Bar and Grill joke, a little painful, but still funny. You guys are good. Wish I could think of one. I'll check my stash of springwine; maybe that will inspire me.

Post by **Ur Dead** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:50 am

Thomas Covenant walk into a bar.

Mhoram saids. "No more for you!"

Post by **Rocksister** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:50 pm

I tried to come up with a joke where Covenant tries to use his ring to pay for liquor, but the fat, sweaty bartender puts it on his pinky finger, then blacks out when he slips on a spot in the floor, cracks his head, and gets transported to the Land. But I come up blank. The bartender's name might be Kevin. Okay.....GO!!!

Post by **Caesar** » Fri Sep 05, 2008 3:41 pm

TC walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer and begins gulping it down when a sandwich enters the bar.

The bartender looks at the sandwich and says, "Hey! We don't serve food here!"

Post by **danlo** » Fri Sep 05, 2008 3:47 pm

Covenant walks into a bar, bartender says, "What'll it be?."

"Just one beer, I tend to fall apart after too many drinks..."

Post by **lurch** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:15 pm

Thomas Covenant walks into a bar.
The bartender says " knock knock!"
Thomas Covenant replies, " Oh! I 'm in the wrong joke.."

Post by **Zenlunatic** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:31 am

Covenant walks into a bar and says "Sex on the beach, please"
bartender says,"I thought you were impotent."

Post by **Blackhawk** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:39 am

lurch wrote:Drinny trots into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender says, excuse me, but you'll have to speak up, i didn't quite get that, now, what do ya have?" Drinny again said it wanted a gin and tonic. The bartender replied," Coulld you please say that louder! If you want a drink , You'll have to speak up so I can hear you! "Drinny replied, " You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little hoarse."

Post by **Zenlunatic** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:57 pm

Covenant walks into a bar. "Damn, now I gotta do a VSE!"

Post by **Rocksister** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:37 pm

Zen, love your avatar and your sig line............ toadly cool...........

Post by **deer of the dawn** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 3:16 pm

This is one of the best threads ever.

Even the lame ones are fun to read and groan.

Post by **lurch** » Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:48 pm

So,,a Vile walks into the Mithil Stonedown bar and says, "

The bartender replied, "

"
The Vile exclaimed,

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

Covenant walks into a bar....