You are right as far as debate goes. It's a personal opinion and useless for debating purposes. I suppose I ought to try more to weed my opinions out of debate or at least flag them as personal remarks (meaning my opinion, not insult).rdhopeca wrote:This is the part that disturbs me. The rest of your post I am fine with, however, this judgment of my marriage is, frankly, uncalled for in this debate. What if I were to say, "I'd say you are a spineless coward for not sticking to your principles even though you got married, and giving up what you believe to appease your wife by converting to Christianity. Sounds to me like your beliefs now can't really be accepted as viable, if your beliefs before were so easy to drop at your wife's whim".rusmeister wrote:I'd say your wife is far more right than you are and you are well-advised to accept her faith and make a choice to believe in spite of material evidence. It's called "faith". (Never mind the benefits of family unity)
Now, I absolutely don't believe that to be the case. And even if I did, I'd have too much respect for you and your choices to come right out and say it. But then, I suppose, from your vantage point, I'd be "deliberately avoiding the truth" of your "intellectual cowardice".
I'll gladly discuss my beliefs here, how I got to them, and why I maintain them. But I'm not going to "well-advise" you to do anything. Respect or silence as that may be.
You're close but not quite correct on the idea of the viability of my beliefs. I had already reached a point where my beliefs (what I'd call lazy agnosticism - "I don't know and I don't want to know - my life is fine without any God") had become unviable and I had already come to the conclusion that I needed to return to Christianity. I knew from what I had learned over my life that returning to the Baptists and other Protestants I had grown up with was not possible - my experience with other countries and languages had shown that the propositions of Sola Scriptura (never mind "The King James Bible is the only Bible") are illogical and don't work across languages, cultures, space and time, and I was left with Catholicism and Orthodoxy. I had arguments against Catholicism that I still think valid, but a lot of it was simple Baptist-induced prejudice, while I knew next to nothing about Orthodoxy despite standing dutifully during the services. (This was all while I was part of a men's group, btw.) It was in investigating it that it it became more and more attractive. It was in learning the history, in reading (Fr) Alexander Schmemann that I began to realize that a lot of my objections - to organized religion, Church hierarchy, confession in front of a priest - were stuff and nonsense. The last was an objection that I retained until speaking to Fr Victor Sokolov (I linked to his wikipedia page somewhere above) and I realized that I had been "confessing" in front of my entire men's group on a weekly basis and didn't have any problem with that (think of AA 'confessions' to get the idea). In short, all of my objections wound up being of that nature.
In your case, you haven't reached a point of unviability of your beliefs as I did, so that is merely anecdotal evidence and is not helpful for you. But my remarks about knowledge are meant to say that despite attending services, you very likely don't know much about the Catholic Church (beyond what you have physically seen - certainly I didn't and I see clearly how it is possible to see things and not understand them).
I think where we differ is that your approach of silence (what you call respect) enables living together peacefully with people with whom you strongly disagree. This is often a good thing. However, when you wish to examine truth and determine whether a thing is worth accepting or rejecting then it is not respect at all. It is merely refusing to engage with it, to examine it and determine what worth it has. In this case, it is not an admirable thing at all. If you would state your objection it might be possible to see where you misunderstand and correct the misunderstanding. But silent "respect" prevents that from happening. (You could often still be right. But that approach makes it impossible to really determine that - to get to the bottom of an objection.)
I'm not Catholic - but I would advocate it because I DO understand Catholicism 1000 times better now than I did before my conversion to Orthodoxy and having compared my lack of knowledge as an agnostic with what I have learned since then, can say (personal opinion based on experience:) that if one will not be Orthodox, the next best thing they can do is Catholicism. Also, my statement about family unity is based on that personal experience. I now deeply regret the times I stepped outside the church to make or take a cell phone call (or just because I was bored at what I didn't understand), and my older son saw me, and he began 'skipping', too, and while I have since converted, he has moved away. My choices then led to splintering now. But on the whole, it is something that we do together, as a family, and it does help to unite us. It provides a common philosophy as a basis on which to agree and make decisions (not that we always agree, but I remember what it was like before and it has made a big difference) and in general live our lives as something lived in common, because the faith is a central thing that guides in every aspect of our lives.