Covenant walks into a bar....

[Savor Dam]

Believe it or not I bought a TC Scion a couple of years ago.

Please do not tell us you named this car Roger.

[Wheelwash Whitecap]

As a footnote, My wife picked out a Blackcherry color, which is purple.

not white.

Thanks

WWWC

[Wheelwash Whitecap]

No it's not Roger. My wife calls it her playtoy. Roger, humm, I think I remember her saying that name in her sleep.

I didn't even revenant of TC until I joined Kevin's Watch a few weeks ago.

WW

[DrPaul]

Q: How do you know when Linden Avery's flight has arived at the airport?

A: When the engines are turned off, the whining continues.

[shadowbinding shoe]

Q: How do you know when Linden Avery's flight has arived at the airport?

A: When the engines are turned off, the whining continues.

lol

Covenant enters a jewelry stores and asks for a crate full of white gold rings.

The store owner asks him what he wants to do with them.

Covenant yells "Hellfire! Send them to the Leprosarium. White Gold rings for everyone. If they can't do their VSE right than they can bloody well save the Land and leave me in peace.

The store owner smiles ingratiatingly at the madman and tells him "That'll be 10,000,000 dollars."

Covenant's eyes blaze up. "That's Foul!"

[DrPaul]

Linden Avery walks into a refectory in Revelstone, accompanied by Jeremiah and Anele. They sit down at a table and wait to be served.

An attendant approaches them and asks "What would you like to eat?"

Linden replies "I'll have the roast lamb, thanks."

The attendant says "Very well, Chosen. What about the vegetables?"

Linden glances at Jeremiah and Anele and then replies "Oh, they'll have the roast lamb as well, thanks."

[Sherman Landlearner]

Thomas Covenant walks into a bar. He stumbles backward, rubbing his head as he curses. "Dammit, Bannor, aren't you supposed to stop me from doing this kinda stuff?" Bannor shrugs. "I knew you were numb, I didn't know you were blind."

[Sherman Landlearner]

Why can't you get married in the Land?
Because you can't get your hands on a ring!

Why can't a Hirebrand get a job?
According to his name, he's already taken.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Covenant and Linden walk into a bar, and Covenant orders a pitcher of beer and a pizza. The bartender asks, "Would you like the pizza cut into six pieces or twelve?" To which Linden replies, "Six please, I don't think we could eat twelve." Covenant grimaces at Linden and says, "Hellfire Linden, it is only one pizza, no matter how many slices it is cut into! It is still the same amount of food." Linden bursts into tears, realizing she is inadequate, and could never match Covenant when it comes to ordering pizza.

[The Puissant]

Last Chronicle joke.

Spoiler

Linden and companions enter The Lost Deep. Bhapa leads Mahrtiir around the Viles’ ancient abode. Suddenly Mahrtiir takes Bhapa by the hair and begins to swing him around over his head.
“Hellfire Mahrtiir!” Covenant lashes out. “What are you doing?”
Mahrtiir set Bhapa back down and answers the Ur-Lord.
“Just looking around Ringthane.”

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Nom walks into a bar. The bar falls down.

****

Moksha drifts into a bar, and orders a scotch, neat. The barkeep replies, "Sorry, bud. We don't serve spirits here."

****

Turiya wafts into a bar. "Bartender, I need a double scotch, and a mop."

[Cord Hurn]

This thread is hilarious. I've got to bump it up.

[TheFallen]

Just found this thread, courtesy of Hurn's bump, so I'm obliged to add a little...

Linden Avery walks into a bar with the ugliest looking toad you've ever seen perched on her head.

The barman says in surprise "What's all that about, then?"

To which the toad replies "Well, it used to be a wart on my ass, but now look at it."

***************************

Thomas Covenant's Theme Song (to the tune of 'Yesterday' by The Beatles)

Leprosy....
Pieces keep on dropping off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since I contracted leproseeeee.

***************************

Last Chrons gag

Spoiler

Kastenessen's drinking in a bar when the doors burst open and in walks Roger Covenant.

Kasty looks up from his hot lava margarita and says in sudden delight "Hey! It's Roger Covenant, everybody! Let's give him a warm hand!"

[Eldritch]

Lords Shetra and Verement walk into a bar

Shetra orders a pint of diamonddraught and a glass of water as she's Ranyhyn riding tomorrow.

Verement sleeps on the couch that night....

[Soarback Grayhare]

Covenant walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender. Bartender asks "What'll ya have, buddy?" Covenant replies, "Gimme 2 fingers".

[Savor Dam]

How many tickles would it take to make the Lurker laugh?















Ten tickles.

[Cord Hurn]

Ten tickles = tentacles. I like that!

Grumpy old Birinair the Hirebrand walks into a bar and sits at the counter. He tells the bartender, "I'll have a Bloody Mary and a menu." When the bartender returns with his drink, he asks "Still servin' breakfast?" When the bartender says Yes, he replies, "Then I'll have two eggs-runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END-well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee." Indignantly the bartender says, "We don't serve that kinda stuff in here!" Birinair snarls, "Funny... that's what I had in here yesterday..."

[Cord Hurn]

In a bar in a remote North Plains town, shy and self-effacing newcomer Lord Amatin hears people yell out numbers (#23!, #56, etc.) and then everyone laughs. She asks the guy next to her what's going on, and he says the jokes have been told so many times, people just yell out their numbers instead of retelling them. So Amatin yells out "#27!" but nobody laughs. The guy next to her says, "Some people can tell a joke, and some people can't."


(Of course, if nobody likes that one, remember that I could have just typed "#49!")

[Savor Dam]

...or, even better, 42.

[lurch]

Linden Avery walks into Staves fist. Jeremiah looks up and says, " Mom! what have you been drinkin?" The lurker looks over Linden's prone body and gives Jeremiah a high 5 as the feroce fade back into the Lifeswallower repeating, " We are the feroce . We do not suffice. We are the feroce. We do not suffice." The Ranyhyn whinny.