Win Wayfriend's Money

Post by **Dread Poet Jethro** » Fri Oct 09, 2009 12:53 am

Savor Dam, you should
Write another for your wife
(Make it more mushy...)

Post by **Auleliel** » Fri Oct 09, 2009 4:17 pm

Nice work, Savor Dam.

Post by **Hyperception** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 1:49 pm

Under the pressure of my lovely Harper, here is my humble entry. I approached this as TC's (or perhaps SRD's) thoughts regarding Linden.

When first I woke and rose to greet the morn
(No: lay earth-bound refusing to awake)
The wise who dream regarded me with scorn
For naught I knew of what might be at stake.

In truth I felt bereft of love and light
To be a soul so pitiful and mean
Confronted by an energy so white
That no baleful cloud could drift in between.

Loath was she to part with words of sorrow
On lips still pursed to give a breath thus free
And trembling still await 'til the morrow
For final confrontation patiently.

Eschew now yon soft-skinned and sleek houri
And leave my fate to Linden Avery.

Post by **wayfriend** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 2:28 pm

We done, Hyperception.

No doubt your Harper posed as muse.
Your skill evinced for all to see.
But surely will she collect her dues.
She covets gold more than poecy.

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 2:37 pm

wayfriend wrote:We done, Hyperception.
...
She covets gold more that poecy.

There are still four and half more days for entries to be received, and I await Rob's entry with baited breath...

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:51 pm

*my apologies for the double post*

wayfriend wrote:...
She covets gold more that poecy.

I wanted to add, I have encouraged Hyperception to submit to the anthology...

Does that count towards coveting poesy?

Post by **matrixman** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:30 pm

Hyperception, that is a beautiful piece of work! Very poignant.

Post by **Auleliel** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 9:31 pm

Well done, Hyperception.

Post by **Dread Poet Jethro** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 9:49 pm

Kudos to Menolly's spouse
By contrast, my poem's Mickey Mouse
The meter he nailed
Where my own rather failed
Poor form "He's a ringer!" to grouse

Post by **StevieG** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 10:35 pm

Yes, it's brilliant, Hyperception.

I'm also waiting on HLT's entry with anticipation and fear! I hope he gets it in...

Post by **hue of fuzzpaws** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 10:50 pm

Shadow fingers slip through your ill used flesh
And with my maddened glee I taste your woe.
Yours is the bouquet that is enmeshed
By my pleasure. I look back long ago
To see the fruits that brought forth their juice
To stain such fragile flesh. Blood dripping down,
Staining it’s richness to a black noose
Made by hollow expectations. A crown
Fashioned and hidden within your hair.
As the dark queen you bring forth the power
To punish. As you march to a fanfare
And add another stone to that tower
All hail to Linden Avery, my image formed
by lesser hungers and by my touch, warmed.

Post by **Savor Dam** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:07 pm

Wow...two more entries today, and both definitely raise the bar.

A bow to both Hyperception and Hue of Bone!

Post by **Auleliel** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 12:40 am

Nicely done, hue of bone.

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:04 am

I love the imagery, hue of bone.
...but is it a sonnet?

Post by **Auleliel** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:19 am

Menolly wrote:I love the imagery, hue of bone.
...but is it a sonnet?

Yes, it follows the structure of a sonnet.

Post by **Hyperception** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:25 am

Very nice--evocative and richly dark. There are metrical problems in both submissions but this is not haiku, so we must leave it for the judges to, well, judge.

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:34 am

I guess "metrical problems" means the number of syllables or emphases on iambic pentameter per line?

Post by **matrixman** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:36 am

Very cool, hue of bone, a sonnet from Lord Foul's POV! Or a Raver's, maybe.

Post by **hue of fuzzpaws** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 5:36 am

Shadow fingers slip through your ill used flesh
And with my mad glee I taste your woe.
Yours is the bouquet that is ripe and fresh
For my pleasure. I travel back and know
Which seeds that fruited their staining juice
Upon your fragile flesh. Blood dripping down,
Soaking it’s red richness to a black noose
Made by hollow expectations. A crown
Fashioned and hidden within your hair.
As the dark queen you bring forth the power
To punish. As you march to a fanfare
And add another stone to that tower
All hail to Linden Avery, my image formed
by lesser hungers and by my touch, warmed.

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:58 am

Getting there, hue.
That's really good imagery, as I said before.

The different syllables per line throw me off a touch though.
I sent a PM to point out what I mean, so if you want, you can tighten it up even more.

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