Moderator: Orlion
He's not "inconsiderate" when he yells at you? That's ridiculous. And it's perfectly reasonable to "end an entire relationship because of sex." Sex is a *huge* part of a relationship. 
Kaydene wrote: ...he can throw things around and scream when he's angry at his computer or me or anything.
It is your place to suggest things because you're in the relationship as well and are profoundly effected by his 'inconsiderations.' If he is not willing to make compromises to benefit you as well as himself, he is not looking for any meaningful relationship. Remember, what's important to you is every bit as integral in a relationship as what's important to him. Like others have stated, you have your own life to live, and breaking off a relationship because it isn't improving upon your life qua man (or womanKaydene wrote: I mean, is it my place to tell him that he should do it? I just don't see any other solution here. Things aren't getting better, they're getting worse. I can understand his criticism of therapy, I'm just at a loss for options.
) is nothing to be shameful of, it just means it wasn't going to work out.
I'm going to focus on this part for a minute. It's easy to think of concerns about sex as shallow, and there's some sense in that, but we shouldn't forget that in a relationship sex functions as an expression of intimacy as well. If there are problems there (that is, problems of attitude or interaction rather than physiology or medicine), not only is it probably symptomatic of deeper problems, it can also be a source of them. If you feel your boyfriend isn't reciprocating or he lacks passion, it's not entirely dissimilar to if he, say, stopped speaking to you. Sex is another form of expression, and in that sense it's not as shallow as some might think.Kaydene wrote:When I bring it up, I'm considered shallow for placing so much emphasis on it and "wouldn't it be a shame to end an entire relationship because of sex" and etc etc.
Actually, you've got it backwards. Talking about relationships is the "grown-up" thing to do. Letting them stagnate and turn to crap because you just don't want to deal with the work a relationship takes is typical of early relationships.Kaydene wrote: So my dilemma is kind of hard to talk about. It sort of feels as if once we're in relationships, it's not good to talk about the negative aspects...I feel bad talking about it, like maybe it's not the "grown-up" thing to do. /sigh
Have you ever ended a relationship before? If not, then that is why you feel that way. It's not easy saying goodbye. It really sucks.Kaydene wrote: Why do I feel like I'm a quitter or a failure if I back away from a situation like this?
Because you like this guy. But you are starting to realize you may not be compatible. Or at least he isn't giving you what you want.Kaydene wrote:I consider myself to be a strong woman, but why is this harder than it should be?
For the remainer, I will give a flippant short answer for each.Kaydene wrote:Is this normal for a relationship, to experience these sorts of problems? Is this what a typical relationship is like? Do I need to suck it up and grow up and realize that it won't all be la la happy?
He's got a load of problems in himself, and he knows that, which is why I want to see him get help.Yeah, we've had many arguments and discussions about the way things are. When I really get down to "what do you need" sort of questions, he dodges them. When I tell him what I need from him (provided it's a civil conversation) we can discuss the problems but they don't change.Cagliostro wrote:
So, my question to you is, have you talked to him about the way you are feeling? It really is a drag for everybody involved, but if you have any interest in making it work (this goes for him as well), it is a necessary part of adult relationships. At least working ones. It shouldn't happen every week or anything, but should happen now and again. And therapy should only be forced on someone as a last resort. Otherwise it is your choice if you want a last ditch effort to save the relationship or not, and then you can at least say you tried.
But seriously, if you've not done it already, talk to him that you are thinking of ending things because you are unhappy. Sometimes having "the talk" will make a guy try harder if he indeed wants to save things. But as I said before, ultimately it boils down to what you want to live with.
* From my experiences, the problems typically don't change unless they are something like, "you need to get a job." Sad to say, but true. Sometime they mutate to the point where either you don't care as much anymore because you accept that as part of them, or you realize you've had enough. Or you realize that it is your problem instead of theirs. Which is what happened with one of my ex's a few years after dumping me.Kaydene wrote: Yeah, we've had many arguments and discussions about the way things are. When I really get down to "what do you need" sort of questions, he dodges them. When I tell him what I need from him (provided it's a civil conversation) we can discuss the problems but they don't change.
If you find an intense and equal relationship, tell me how. It seems like a few years on, both parties know who would be the one to end things, provided that they don't force the other party to make that choice for them.Kaydene wrote:I'm looking for an intense and equal relationship, and I'm just not sure he's capable of giving that to me, at least not now.
*ding ding ding*dANdeLION wrote:And if he's screaming at you, that is being abusive.
) * 
