Fantasy baddies: poker

[stonemaybe]

Here's how it works - I bid a baddie. The next poster sees my bid and raises me by another baddie or a force of baddies, or even a combination of baddies, explaining why their choice would beat up my choice ("I see your .... and beat them up with......, by...."). All fantasy books or series welcome, as long as you can explain why your raise is superior to the previous bid.

And PLEASE, don't bid Morgoth against three orcs - that'll spoil the progression!

Cry 'overbid!' to get an excessive raise discussed, or 'saving throw' if you think you can successfully argue against the newbie baddies beating up your baddies!

I'll start with....

Four kobolds, in a shield square.

[jacob Raver, sinTempter]

I'll see your kobolds and raise you four wolves.

[stonemaybe]

(why? what'd 4 wolves do to get past my shield square....?)

[jacob Raver, sinTempter]

what's a shield square?

[[Syl]]

I gotta say the kobolds have the edge over the wolves. Now if it were wargs...

I'll raise an Ur-Vile wedge. Shields melt and kobolds wet their loincloths shortly before they're all sent flying. Wolves would just be freaked out by their 'roynish gaze' and run off with their tails between their legs.

[stonemaybe]

Maybe I should have explained my kobolds better: each with a large shield, standing back to back (facing N S E and W)and holding the shields so they overlap.

Personally, I'd say two wolves would be enough, as kobolds are pretty stupid and very weak. So one wolf to howl and growl menacingly so that all 4 kobolds turn to face it, the other wolf to come in from behind and hamstring them.

But anyway, the bidding is at a wedge of ur-viles. (Let's say a small one, you wouldn't need a huge one to take out 4 wolves)

I'll see your wedge and raise you a doppelganger. My doppelganger takes the form of Vain, the ur-viles change into goodies and are disqualified from the game!

[Phantasm]

I'll see your doppleganger and raise a gelatinous cube. Should have the doppleganger liquified in no time.

[stonemaybe]

I'll see your gelatinous cube, and raise you a handlinger (from Mieville's Perdido Street Station). The handlinger's spitfire ability should have no problem melting your cube.

[Phantasm]

I'll see your handlinger and raise you an air elemental (grab onto that if you can)

[stonemaybe]

I'll "see" your air elemental and raise you the vacuum cleaner beast from The Yellow Submarine.

[Mr. Broken]

While your Vacuum Sweeper beast may really suck its no match for my Langoliers.

[stonemaybe]

We have a new player! I'll see your Langoliers and extract their teeth with my evil dentist




(I know I know I'm pushing the boundaries here!)

[Mr. Broken]

Fold.

[Mr. Broken]

Okay I guess Ill open with a pair of Dementors.

[Seven Words]

I'll take your Dementors with a Gray Man (from Wheel of Time)

[Zahir]

I see your Gray Man and raise you two Wamphyri Lords.

[Seven Words]

I'll see your Wamphyri Lords and raise you a Dread (from Midkemia)

[deer of the dawn]

See your Dread Lord and raise you two Confessors. (You now have three Confessors and a Dread Lord working together, btw.)

[stonemaybe]

(Dread lord I know, what's a Confessor do???? I've just spent weeks trying to work out a something from the dark side that could deal with dementors, only to find we'd moved on! )

(ps i reckon a simple zombie could take out any number of dementors, no emotions you see!)

[Mr. Broken]

At which point I pull my Raver bred Sandgorgons and toss them on the table. I really suck at this.