Calories don't count when...............

[lorin]

If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.

3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

7. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.

8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.

9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.

10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

[Vraith]

You left out:

If they're in BEER!

If you are forced to have the munchies by [purely accidentally, I'm sure]
A) being forced to stand near the dip and chips at a social gathering [due to hot person nearby, or lack of "mingling" skills]
B) being exposed to illicit appetite altering substances.

[Cameraman Jenn]

If you mix the movie popcorn with peanut m&m's then the salt of the popcorn cancels out the sugar of the m&m's when the m&m's melt a bit onto the popcorn.

[lorin]

If you mix the movie popcorn with peanut m&m's then the salt of the popcorn cancels out the sugar of the m&m's when the m&m's melt a bit onto the popcorn.

I have to try that!

I have another.
Calories don't count if you are evening off the edges.

[Cameraman Jenn]

I learned that trick from my friend Terry. It's totally crackalicious. You get the hot popcorn, add a bit of butter, inhale the top section while standing a few feet from the concessions stand, just enough to close the top of the bag to shake it and have a teensy bit of room for the popcorn and m&m's to move, then salt it and butter it a bit more, add the peanut m&m's and shake like a maniac. Make sure to grab plenty of napkins though. It's especially good if washed down with a cherry icy.