The New Monty Python Thread

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The New Monty Python Thread

Post by Cambo »

I hear there's some difficulty finding the original Monty Python threads. If mods are having trouble, I don't have a hope in Hell on unearthing them. So, here is my Monty Python thread. If someone finds the old ones, I'm happy to just jump on that bandwagon.

I hope to make this thread as random and silly as the show. With that in mind:

LOOSE WOMEN! EROGENOUS ZONE! O-HO-HO, CONCUBINE!! EROGENOUS ZOOOONE!!!
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Post by Orlion »

Hey, Stop that! It's silly... :P
'Tis dream to think that Reason can
Govern the reasoning creature, man.
- Herman Melville

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Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all!

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Post by Cambo »

Time for a cartoon!
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Re: The New Monty Python Thread

Post by Menolly »

Cambo wrote:I hear there's some difficulty finding the original Monty Python threads. If mods are having trouble, I don't have a hope in Hell on unearthing them. So, here is my Monty Python thread. If someone finds the old ones, I'm happy to just jump on that bandwagon.
Were they thinking of this thread?
hmm...
Even that one seems to be a continuance of one before it.
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Post by Vraith »

I wonder where that
Spoiler
fish
thread has gone.
You did love it so. You looked after it like a son.
And it went wherever I did go.
Is it in the cupboard?
Yes! Yes! No!…
Wouldn’t you like to know? It was a lovely little
Spoiler
fish
thread.
And it went wherever I did go.
It’s behind the sofa!
Where can that
Spoiler
fish
thread be?
It is a most elusive
Spoiler
fish
thread!
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

Ok, but quoting anything from the Holy Grail is total fail.
It means you're a NOOB!
That you came late to the party and are trying to fit in but still suck no matter what.
Quoting the Holy Grail is like saying "yeah baby" like Austin Powers and expecting someone to laugh.
It's been done to death.
"Ni!"....oh so fucking funny, ha ha.....you kill me. No! You're a stupid asshole.


Now, if you say "The Bishop!" "We was too late!"
That's funny.

But if you say "Big nasty teeth!"?
Fuck you.
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Post by Orlion »

Whoa, calm down HLT, have a salad. ("Ted Salad?") No, lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes...

:biggrin:
'Tis dream to think that Reason can
Govern the reasoning creature, man.
- Herman Melville

I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all!

"All creation is a huge, ornate, imaginary, and unintended fiction; if it could be deciphered it would yield a single shocking word."
-John Crowley
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Post by Vraith »

Wow...I wanna say someone pissed in HLT's cornflakes...but that ain't Monty...
I wanna say something about getting swords tossed at you and oppression...but that's forbidden NOOBishness...
Fortunately, I don't have to worry about it cuz HLT is NOT the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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Post by Orlion »

While we're banning parts of Monty Canon, let's forbid the Dead Parrot sketch... it's no more, it has ceased to be, it has expired and gone to meet its maker, it's stiff, bereft of life... ;)

Sorry, HLT, I'll quit picking on you now.
'Tis dream to think that Reason can
Govern the reasoning creature, man.
- Herman Melville

I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all!

"All creation is a huge, ornate, imaginary, and unintended fiction; if it could be deciphered it would yield a single shocking word."
-John Crowley
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Post by Fist and Faith »

Sheesh, HLT! Calm down, willya?!? I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!
All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest
-Paul Simon

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Post by dANdeLION »

No one ever does!
Dandelion don't tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion


I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.


High priest of THOOOTP

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Post by Vraith »

I'll have to shoot this thread now, since it does not, in fact, have any cheeses at all.
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

Just a minute, Vraith. There's a small matter of... murder.
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Post by Savor Dam »

How to identify irate Watchers from quite a long way away:

#1 -- High Lord Tolkien.
High. Lord. Tolkien.
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Post by Cambo »

Savor Dam wrote:How to identify irate Watchers from quite a long way away:

#1 -- High Lord Tolkien.
High. Lord. Tolkien.
Fortunately once they are identified, you simply need follow the first rule of not being seen: Not to Stand Up.
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Post by Cagliostro »

CHAIRMAN: ...Which brings us once again to the urgent realisation of just how much there is still left to own. Item six on the agenda: the meaning of life. Now, uh, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this.

HARRY: That's right. Yeah, I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and, uh, what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts. One: people are not wearing enough hats. Two: matter is energy. In the universe, there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this soul does not exist ab initio, as orthodox Christianity teaches. It has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved, owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.

[pause]

BERT: What was that about hats, again?
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Post by Cambo »

What would be enough, enough for what purpose?!
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Post by Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm »

So, quoting anything from the Holy Grail means you're a noob. And the noobs are trying to fit in but still suck no matter what.

So, what if I try to make proof I'm a noob? Will it mean I'm truly not one, for denying the attempt to prove otherwise by not quoting the Holy Grail?

Large Holy Grail copypasta ensues!

***

Knights of Camelot: [singing] We're knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. / We're knights of the Round Table, our shows are for-mi-dable. But many times we're given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able, We're opera mad in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot. / In war we're tough and able, Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable / It's a busy life in Camelot
[solo]
Knights of Camelot: I have to push the pram a lot.

Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis...
Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!
King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: We found them.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur: What do you mean?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone
King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
King Arthur: Please!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Sir Lancelot: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.
Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Sir Robin: That's easy.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
Sir Robin: I don't know that.
[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]
Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?
Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Galahad: I seek the Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Galahad: Blue. No, yel...
[he is also thrown over the edge]
Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?
King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
[he is thrown over]
Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch!

***

Ouch, sorry for the last one

And, yeah baby, Ni!

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Post by sgt.null »

has anyone an extra spring surprise chocolate?
Lenin, Marx
Marx, Lennon
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Post by Cail »

Lemon curry?
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