Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!

[Vraith]

Ok, I saw a worst writing contest...the "Best" one for my taste was this:

"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue."

I'm still laughing about it...and crying.

Sooo...I'm gonna basically use same rules: One opening sentence for a novel or story, as bad as you can do it. Post them here...don't post comments/replies just the openers.
I'll let every user enter 2 separate entries, if they like.
In two weeks, I will open a voting/comments thread.
There will be six total wgd prizes:
500, 200, 100 for 1st/2nd/third according to vote tallies.
Another 500/200/100 for my personal favorites.

I hope no one's done this before.
I expect MASSIVE participation, or I'll get seriously depressed and rant all over everybody's threads.
Besides, everyone should read what I post...I have a very high thanked/post ratio.
[kinda in honor of WF, too, whose give-aways I miss].

[sgt.null]

Blake hungered and he hungered for the teen who quivered underneath him, quivering with a hunger for him that defied knowing, defied reason, defied the local and federal laws applying to age of consent.

[DoctorGamgee]

The night of the train wreck was just like any other night where a train leaving Boston on track 8 at 12:18 a.m. going 60miles/hr. collides with a train from New York that left on track 6 at 1:18a.m. going 65miles/hr., except, of course, they were both on track 7 and the Boston train was going 62miles/hr. and the train from New York was travelling at 73miles/hr and had left the train station 6 minutes late; it was just a typical night just like any other night, except for the date, and the train wreck, which is why we remember a typical night like the night of the train wreck as an atypical night.

[aTOMiC]

The guy hit the the other guy with the thing and he fell down. Then the guy ran down the dark hallway and it was hard to see until he got to out to the place where he found the thing he was looking for. He grabbed the thing and held it up and shouted into the dark sky.
"I have it at last!"
Then the other guy surprised him and hit him with the thing and the guy dropped it and the other guy picked it up and he had a bad look on his face and he laughed an evil laugh like and evil guy.

[aTOMiC]

I'm sorry about the double post but dAN recommended I include this gem from a few years ago.

"Grathdrathar strode amongst the Council of Traklandine in defiance to the proclamation by Androthon of Snanlodrill, son of Flaaksnosheel. Grathdrathar wore his philishar thrust across his proud trunk with an opposing air of unease and self-belief. Androthon knew his imprudent gambit would fail and behaved accordingly.

“Grathrathar! You stand before the Traklandine. How dare you show your countenance in the sacred hall of Jornoth Krimbill? I Androthon accuse you before the assembled house of Sheeltradel. What say you? Have the Croatin Shilldrons stolen your tongue, you Shicklashorne Philadish? ”

“Androthon, you are the whelp of a grilloth-hound. I Grathdrathar doth seek retribution for the treasonous action for which you alone are unblameless. The Shar will see you krilldelldothed. Philadrill and Somacreed were slain by your lackeys, Cronusshar and Blachdellfunst son of Gornelldig. His creching knife was found amongst the Trells. How do you answer these charges, grilloth?”

[Orlion]

I know the secret no man knoweth despite being a non-knowing man, for in every woman is a man and every man is woman, thusly I know the secret as thou knowest the secret as all non-knowing men know, for the greatest secret is that which is known by all.

[sgt.null]

Charlotte dans le coup-de-pied foncé la porte outre de ses charnières que le tunnel mène à la terre et elle me prend là Charlotte dans la ruelle l'embrassent sous la pluie que la porte mène à nulle part spéciale et elle me prend là Charlotte pendant la journée tiennent sa main un peu l'étincelle dans qu'elle les yeux mène à de vieilles mémoires et elle me prend là.

[Vraith]

Bah...no one plays...I'm a bad game master.
I'm just giving everyone who bothered 100g, 500 to Dr. G, cuz it was my fave.

[DoctorGamgee]

Glad you liked it. I read it to my wife who said, "Dear God! You included a word problem!" I was going to enter a second one, but nobody else was playing..."

[sgt.null]

i am puzzled - it seems people were playing...

[Vraith]

Do you think I jumped the gun calling it?...maybe I did? but there were only 4 entries with 6 prizes and only 2 days left so I thought it was failing miserably....
maybe I'm not only bad game master, but bad at being a bad game master? If a bunch of peeps want to post "I was gonna play, but you ended it!" I'd extend [and not even ask for gold already given to be refunded] it just seems unlikely.

[sgt.null]

well i submitted my two posts... and i will happily take the wgd's.

[Ananda]

Novel will be called Apparent Issues

Quickly yet softly she strode langourously into the diminshed illumination of the depressingly sunshine-yellow hued kitchen that was not her own kitchen, but rather that of her profusely wretched father who, being the largest lender of monies and funds in the area and who, undeservedly, or so she asserted toherself in those long, unquiet nights such as this night was and still is, had such hot praise lavished on him by the self-serving sycophants of the area who were eager, even as starving dalmations or cocker spaniels, to lap up the vomit that spewed forth from his overly smug mouth that she considered even as she plunged herself into the nearest imported chair and pondered thoughtfully yet darkly about how her many and multiple issues with her father deeply and intimately touched and affected her when it finally occurred to her that her problem was apparent.

I know the contest is over, but this seemed like a great game so I had to play.

[sgt.null]

restart with Ananda's post preseding this post! i will award 1000 tokens for the worst entry. two entries per contestant. i will exclude myself. and no - i am not giving up any wgd's. tokens you can have. good luck everyone. oh and the game is open til my next day off. thursday. that gives you 4 full days!!!!

[Ananda]

The young man's ideas were like a pulsing shaft of light that penetrated into her, wooden and rigid in their virility, standing firm against the body of evidence that she eagerly thrust up against his onslaught, pressing and pushing and, as hard as she thought, the young nun could not figure out why she was so drawn to him.

[DoctorGamgee]

Excellent, Ananda! Nicely done!

[deer of the dawn]

Brilliant, Ananda! And I'm still laughing at aTOMic's post.

My submission:

Her emotions were deep in their profundity as she recalled all the memories of pains that had hurt her in the depths of her soul and broken her heart, causing her tears to fall like a waterfall into the deep pools of her whole being.

[sgt.null]

contest ends tonight... let's say 9 pm central.

[I'm Murrin]

So, like, there was this guy who was, like, totally hot, and like, every girl had a huge crush on him, but there was this one girl who, like, used to be totally in love with him, but she was a total skank, and he dumped her, so she, like, totally swore revenge.


(Nails on a freaking chalkboard, that has to be worth some points.)

[deer of the dawn]

Gosh, Murrin, I was just getting interested.