Breaking Dawn, part 1

[Cameraman Jenn]

Ok, I'll start but it will be spoilered....

Worst movie ever. More painful than the hour of non stop crying we got from Brad Pitt during the movie Troy but with lousier acting....

Spoiler

Ok, synopsis...
0:0:10 Jacob: WHAT? BELLA'S wedding invitation??? Must rip off shirt and run to woods
0:0:30-0:30: Long drawn out panning shots with little dialog but an overload of posing at wedding including uncomfortably long and sloppy kissing at altar. More posing. Then some posing. More posing.
0:0:31: Bring in Jacob looking hot and having interaction with Bella and Edward, finds out that they plan to have sex with her still being human, inevitable anger, wolf pack must restrain Jacob from killing Edward.
0:0:34 more wedding posing, then leaving for honeymoon posing, traveling to honeymoon posing, arriving at honeymoon posing, on honeymoon posing.
0:1:04 Bella realizes she's pregnant, panicked phone call to Carlisle.
0:1:05 Bella at mansion various sizes of pregnant posting, clearly wasting away.
0:1:15 Jacob comes to visit, sees Bella wasting away and posing pregnant, storms out rips of shirt and runs towards woods.
0:1:18 Wolfpack reads thoughts, Sam decides baby must die, wolf pack splits first good snarling scene of movie, now it's Jacob, Leah and Seth against Sam and now seven? others
0:1:24 Jacob makes joke and now they realize Bella needs human blood so Bella drinks up Carlisle's supply of emergency transfusion bags while posing.
0:1:34 Carlisle, Esme and Emmett sneak out to hunt, wolfpack chase scene. Meanwhile back at the ranch, baby naming happens, Edward Jacob for boy, morph of mother's names for girl, Renesme. Oops, baby starts breaking bones inside Bella, time for emergency baby removal, too bad Carlisle is off feeding. Rosalee tries to perform surgery and gets blood hungry, Edward must finish. Baby born.
0:1:45 Bella is dead, Edward tries to shock her body with venom to the heart, they think it's over, many cuts to magical workings inside Bella and of Bella wasted away, and posing as dead while Carlisle, Esme and Emmett return and big wolf vampire fight happens.
0:2:05 Jacob imprints on baby, game over, wolves go home, more posing as dead but being repaired and then Bella wakes up as a vampire.

[Savor Dam]

Best news of the day...especially after Shaun das Schaf tried to sandbag me (with a made-up quote) as a Twilight fan.

*shudder*

[dANdeLION]

I'm not gonna see this crapfest to find out for sure, but I got tricked into seeing Happy Feet 2 last Saturday, and it took four hours of THIS before I quit thinking suicidal thoughts, so it may be even worse than Twilight.

[Ananda]

Worst movie ever.

That's too bad. I know how much Savor Dam was looking forward to this movie being a hit. Doesn't he have some sort of fanclub for those books?

[Frostheart Grueburn]

Read a pretty hilarious review about this here. (Could be NSFW for some.) Might actually watch the tripe with a bunch of friends later just for the sheer crack value, not to mention the snark commentary it would spawn. The book itself's among the worst WTF-oozing wormdung I've ever had the misfortune to read. I'm just as surprised as the reviewer about retaining Pedowulf's imprinting on Renesmee as an actual plot point.

Re: Edward's strength...another thing the illogicality of which I'm agreeing with the reviewer. Seriously, one'd think that during his 107 years of un-living, he'd have learned a thing or two. Compare this with SRD's Giants...one moment they could be tearing lesser creatures limb from limb with the main strength of their hands, or lifting massive boulders to build a cairn, and the next instant act as gentle as anything. Pitchwife didn't dislocate Linden's arms, when he urged her up at least at one point.

How does a vampire do the horizontal humppa anyhow when there's no blood circulation??

[Cameraman Jenn]

That was one of my questions, he's not warm enough to support live wigglies even if he did have the blood circulation needed to engorge the spongiosum tissues...

[Brinn]

How does a vampire do the horizontal humppa anyhow when there's no blood circulation??

Rigor mortis???

[Cleburne]

Ok, I'll start but it will be spoilered....

Worst movie ever. More painful than the hour of non stop crying we got from Brad Pitt during the movie Troy but with lousier acting....

Damn it , I was actually looking forward to seeing this as I had got the box set recently (all 3 films) for £10 and I actually enjoy the movies , i know they were a bit slow etc , was thinking with the money spent on this one it be good to watch.

[Cameraman Jenn]

I'm sorry to have burst your bubble. They should not have bothered to split the book into two films.

[Zahir]

Saw it. Enjoyed it. Am planning an article for vampires.com (where I'm a regular contributor) to explore this really bizarre hatred directed towards the books and films. I mean, really. "Worst movie ever"? Really? Have you ever seen Ishtar? What about Santa Claus Conquers the Martians? Dracula 3000 (omg sooooooo bad)? Every single film made by Ed Wood? Most of those made by Jess Franco? Everything by Steven Sommers? The Phantom Menace and its sequels for god's sake?!?!

There's something going on here. I suspect it has something to do with de-valuing the sexual/romantic fantasies of teenage girls--as opposed to those of boys, which are lauded or at very least forgiven. Another factor might be the attachment to certain ideas about vampires, even if those ideas have never been universal (like sunlight doing any damage). But more, I suspect a reactionary intolerance of a world-view--one less jaded, a bit more old-fashioned, one that doesn't share some assumptions (like that to be strong a woman needs to be physically strong and demonstrate it with violence, or that a woman not firmly assertive is by definition weak).

Its an interesting subject. I'll post the link when it goes 'up.'

[Shaun das Schaf]

Hi Zahir, first contact with you so... ....

Good post. I haven't thought about it from such a point of view before, especially w.r.t. a gender division of romantic fantasies. I think there could definitely be something in that. Also, I had to make an on-air spot for 'New Moon' last year and I'll admit it, it wasn't as bad as 'the word on the street' had led me to believe. It wasn't necessarily my cup of tea, but yeah, having not seen any of the films or read the books, I didn't *hate* it, and as you rightly point out, I've seen many worse films!

Anyway, I look forward to reading your article.

[Rigel]

There's nothing wrong with teenage female fantasies. In fact, we'd be better served if more media seriously catered to them ("fantasy" doesn't just have to appeal to teenage boys, you know).

The problem with the Twilight series in general, and Bella's character in particular, is Bella herself. She has no character. Her only defining trait is her boyfriend, to the extent that when they break up, Bella's response is to become catatonic for four months.

[Zahir]

The problem with the Twilight series in general, and Bella's character in particular, is Bella herself. She has no character. Her only defining trait is her boyfriend, to the extent that when they break up, Bella's response is to become catatonic for four months.

Sorry, but this is just wrong. What she isn't is a snarky, A type personality or someone with quirky traits like Willow Rosenberg or Brittany on Glee.

She's a quiet, bright, shy girl who loves--when she loves--very deeply indeed. This was a 17-year-old who with barely a visible qualm planned on sacrificing herself to a horrible death, just to save her mother. Being bright and not really physically aware of herself (which shows in her clumsiness) when she is overwhelmed by love, she is swept away with it. In fact, I'd note her one overwhelming trait is courage. That it goes believably hand-in-hand with nervousness simply makes her more real.

BTW, in my forties I lost the woman I loved. My emotional resources were far deeper and more varied than any teenager. And I reacted the same way--months of virtual catatonia. For one 72-hour period I did nothing but eat when I was starving and go to the bathroom when ignoring it was no longer an option. At times the phone would ring and I'd barely look at it. A friend finally dragged me to a doctor where I was given some powerful anti-depressants. Very slowly, over the course of a year, I began to become functional again.

Her reaction seemed totally normal to me--if she were genuinely in love.

I must also point out--as I keep doing--that Bella makes every single major decision in all four novels. Ultimately, it is her will which determines the plot, her choices that impact all those around her. That she doesn't fit our stereotype of a strong character helps account for her popularity. Lots of young women can and do admire Selene in Underworld, Lara Croft, Dana Scully, etc. But they don't see themselves in those characters. Nor should they particularly.

[Zahir]

Here is my article: www.vampires.com/why-all-the-twilight-hate/