How do you feel today? v. 3.0

[deer of the dawn]

Field Day at school today. It's supposed to be fun, but the kids are so excited, gaaahhh!!!

I know it'll be great once it starts, but the craziness beforehand... 8|

[sgt.null]

ugh. awake. rough night. i need something to look forward to.

too soon for stir crazy?

[aliantha]

*Way* too soon for stir crazy. Poor Sarge.

[deer of the dawn]

Sorry Sarge.

Field Day... I survived!! and it was a lot of fun but hot and sunny and my head hurts now. Which is why I generally stay in the shade in Africa.

[aliantha]

I generally stay in the shade in the States -- I can't imagine standing in the sun in Africa. Glad you and your kids had fun, tho, DotD.

Here, it is Friday. Traveling Guy has a number of clients visiting today. Lots of running between the lobby and the 12th floor conference room where the meeting is happening. I guess I should be grateful for the exercise...

[Cameraman Jenn]

Ali, NOT the ones you made me. Those are still perfect. I'm talking some of my store bought ones but not the dollar store ones, they are old pairs I paid fat cash for. They have lasted a long time though....


IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

[aliantha]

That makes more sense, Jenn. I was wondering how the thumb could ravel if there weren't any thumbs... Not sure I can do anything with them, but sure, send 'em if you want.

[sgt.null]

slept all day - tomorrow julie gets me comic books!!!

[lorin]

I'm still trying to decide. I got a letter in the mail from a relative who is a virtual stranger to me (met him once when I was very young). I severed ties with my family many years ago, to our mutual relief, and I don't want to go opening those doors again. At the same time, I am... intrigued, for lack of a better word.

So, Sorus, what did you decide to do?


My life has taken another confusing spin. (what else is new?) I got firm diagnosis of my issues with my back. I have stenosis, herniated disc and check this one out ......spondylolisthesis Figures I would have something I cannot even pronounce. So here is the deal. I took the same MRI's and the same xrays to two doctors. The first doctor says pain management, chiropractic and physical therapy and wait and see. The second doctor, some hot shit doc told me that I need to be admitted immediately for spinal fusion surgery, that I have nerve damage that can cause incontinence and loss of use of my legs. It would mean 8 months out of work. So two doctors with completely different advice. I know for sure I cannot take 8 months off from work. I dont have the time, the money and how would I manage. I am alone.

I am very confused right now. Everything about my future has changed. I just dont know anymore. Very confused. Trying not to be consumed by self pity. People have worse things to deal with than this.

Advice always welcome.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Sorus, did you read the letter?

I'm tired. I'm so glad its Friday that I could do a happy dance if I actually had enough energy. I also ate way too much food today.

[Rigel]

So two doctors with completely different advice.

Sounds like you need a third doctor. Unless he provides yet a third diagnosis...

I am not alone.

There, fixed it for ya

I am very confused right now. Everything about my future has changed. I just dont know anymore. Very confused. Trying not to be consumed by self pity. People have worse things to deal with than this.

I feel ya there.

I was talking to my neighbor the other day, and she made a comment to the effect of, "I'm freaking out about all this stuff that doesn't really matter, but you really have things to worry about!"

I love the fact that I'm not the only one to put my foot in my mouth

[Sorus]

Holy crap, Lorin. That's overwhelming. I don't really have any advice to offer, so here's another hug.

I guess a lot comes down to whether the doctor really knew what he was talking about. (I've mentioned once or twice that I don't trust doctors? I don't trust doctors. Took them 3 bloody months to diagnose me with something I kept saying there was a family history of and they kept downplaying it and I nearly died.) Get a definite diagnosis and then do whatever needs to be done. I don't know how things work in your state, but here you can take a leave of absence from work and collect (reduced) pay and/or file for temporary disability.

My own issues seem pretty tiny by comparison. But anyway, I got a letter from my uncle, which was clearly written on behalf of my father. I haven't spoken with my father in 20 years. Last year his lawyer sent me a ream of paperwork to sign about not contesting my grandmother's will, and I balked at signing it because I didn't want to sign off on 100+ pages of legal paperwork that I didn't understand, and I couldn't get the lawyer to explain anything in plain English. But I did eventually sign it, and thought that would be the end of it. I wanted it to end there. I don't know if this is related, or something else entirely. Part of me wants to ignore it. Part of me thinks it feels like a trap, but can't think of any reason why, or even anything they could really do to me. The part of me that wants to know what the hell is going on sent a letter back.

[aliantha]

Jeez, lorin, only you...

I'm also voting for a third opinion. The orthopedic surgeon association recommends an initial course of action similar to what Doc #1 is telling you. But given the dire consequences Doc #2 is suggesting if you wait, I think I'd want to see what's behind Door #3 before I went with #1's advice.

Rigel -- did your neighbor immediately cringe and apologize (I hope!)?

Sorus -- maybe your uncle is your grandmother's executor and wants to give you money? Fingers crossed...

My day degenerated at the end into a scramble to line up conference rooms for yet another Big Meeting at the beginning of next week. I just wish our conference services people would have told me earlier than 4:45pm (on a Friday!) that it was up to *me* to get all five of the meetings already scheduled in our preferred rooms moved... Sigh. Beats being a print monkey, I guess.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Lorin, I also say another opinion. Keep in mind that medical procedures have advanced a long way and I know people who have had surgery to correct similar problems and no longer have issues (you know one as well) and people who haven't had the recommended surgery (my mother for one) who continue to suffer from chronic back issues. Get another opinion, talk at length with the doctors you have already seen and ask questions as to why they came to their conclusions and recommendations.

Sorus, if they send you any legal papers, find a lawyer who volunteers to help people who can't afford lawyers and get a free consultation.

Rigel...

sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/acc/2874314778.html

sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/acc/2874180324.html

Just a suggestion...

[aliantha]

Sorus, if they send you any legal papers, find a lawyer who volunteers to help people who can't afford lawyers and get a free consultation.

Why didn't *I* think of that?

Sorus -- Bay Area Legal Aid

[Cameraman Jenn]

Nice job Ali, that's who I used to help me understand all the bajillion papers I initialed and signed when my Mom gave me power over the plug and my sis power over the estate. So what it boiled down to was a huge stack of paper that says I get to make the medical decisions on my own concerning my mother and in the event of her death, my sis gets to make supervised financial decisions with the aid of my mother's lawyer should either of these situations arise in which decisions need to be made.

Anyway, Sorus, if your gran is trying to leave you a stipend or inheritance you need to make sure you aren't getting screwed out of it. I know it's cynical but if estranged family members are suddenly trying to contact you over legal concerns, especially about things involving NOT contesting a will it is usually NOT because they want to help you keep your inheritance but rather trying to screw you out of it. Yep, I said cynical and I meant it. Furthermore, if your gran is trying to leave you something even if you are estranged it's because she WANTED YOU to have it. Not someone else, YOU. Even if it's out of guilt it's a gesture of contrition and you shouldn't let it pass without at least knowing what is going on. Your relatives have no right to rewrite the wishes of your other relatives as to how they dispense their own stuff. If your gran wanted you to have something she probably had a reason and therefore it should be your choice to accept it or not, nobody else has the right to choose that for you.

Ok. I'll shut up now.

[sgt.null]

lorin - take this from someone who knows. do not rush into fusion. i have back problems (including disc problems) and pain management works. consult another doctor before surgery! they have injections for your back - work wonders.

i would be helpless without julie.

sorus - find legal help! pro bono or legal aide. find legal help! jenn is your friend, listen to her.

btw - i need better meds. i wish grass were legal in this state.

[lorin]

I got a letter from my uncle, which was clearly written on behalf of my father. I haven't spoken with my father in 20 years. Last year his lawyer sent me a ream of paperwork to sign about not contesting my grandmother's will, and I balked at signing it because I didn't want to sign off on 100+ pages of legal paperwork that I didn't understand, and I couldn't get the lawyer to explain anything in plain English. But I did eventually sign it, and thought that would be the end of it. I wanted it to end there. I don't know if this is related, or something else entirely. Part of me wants to ignore it. Part of me thinks it feels like a trap, but can't think of any reason why, or even anything they could really do to me. The part of me that wants to know what the hell is going on sent a letter back.

It seems the only real harm that can come of this meeting is to the heart. I am very distant from my family so I understand your hesitation. I think you should meet with them but do NOTHING, agree to NOTHING. Maybe bring a friend you trust to the meeting.


As for me I am going to take some steps.

Get the emg and see if there is nerve damage. That may help me make a decision.
Find a pool and do some swimming to help strengthen my core.
try walking again.
continue PT although I think it is a joke
find a chiropractor
most of all finish losing this weight and relieve some of the stress on the back.

My ex suggested I consider social security disability. Not sure about that.

[aliantha]

lorin -- does your employer offer short-term/long-term disability? Might be worth it to talk to your HR folks. I know we have it -- IIRC, we get 100% salary replacement for short-term and some percentage of salary for long-term. Can't imagine NYC wouldn't have it for their employees, too. Oh, and good for you for not giving up.

[Sorus]

Wow, that's a lot of advice. Love you guys.

I don't think there's much point in getting legal help at this stage - I believe everything was settled earlier this year. As far as I could tell, their will was drawn up right after I was born, for the express purpose of ensuring that I would never get my grubby paws on their fortune. I even went so far to as to ask my mum what she thought of that, and she maintained that my grandparents didn't know I existed until I was 4 years old. Which affirmed and summed up most of my feelings about my family in general - I'm never going to get an honest answer about anything, the whole bloody lot of them deserve each other, and I wish they'd just leave me the hell alone.

Which still doesn't answer what they want from me now. Yes, my uncle did describe himself as 'an assistant to the executor' (my father), which means it probably does have something to do with the estate. Crap. I probably do need legal help.