Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!
Moderator: Damelon
Would it be easier for you two if we change the rules to be any scene from the first two series? Or, you could just go on memory, too, if access for the book is difficult- this is dor hollywood afterall. Having even read the book can sometimes ruin an otherwise great story.
Monsters, they eat
Your kind of meat
And they're moving as far as they can
And as fast as they can
Your kind of meat
And they're moving as far as they can
And as fast as they can
-
deer of the dawn
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 6758
- Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:48 pm
- Location: Jos, Nigeria
- Contact:
Here's my contribution. Hope it's bad enough. 
He thought he was having a nightmare. Absurdly, he heard the old beggar saying, Rock on, dude, you totally got this.
The single red beam from the police car seemed to crucify him like a hot nail as darkness overcame him. He could not look away from the hot red beam, which resonated in his brain like a single note, distorted and wailing, growing louder and louder. His pulse slowed inconceivably, as if each beat was waiting for the terrible music to end.
Abruptly, the single note wavered and came to a dissonant end. "YEAH!!! WOOOOHOOO!!! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!! I did it!!"
Covenant was close enough to see the red eyes clearly now, whiteless eyes ringed with way too much eyeliner, their heat and burning red glow like a bowl of weed in his face-- too close, seeming to singe his own eyebrows.
He found himself in a smoky arena. Its walls receded with rows of cobwebbed seats, vanishing in the distance. Exit signs glowed red over entrances that pierced the crepuscular darkness with deeper black at regular intervals around him. High above his head were trusses festooned with every manner of light cans, lasers, spotlights, color beams, all burning with the color red. The chamber was rank with the odor of sour sweat, burned marijuana, unwashed socks, old spilled beer, and halitosis. Covenant gagged on it, and the sight of the being whose eyes had held him.
Hunkered over a flying-V guitar on a high platform just ahead of him was a creature with a long, pasty chest, scrawny arms like wax beans, and a head like a white bowling ball fringed with blackish, stringy hair. One hand clutched the neck of the guitar with preternaturally long fingers tipped by long, yellowed nails with black half-moons of dirt at the tips. The other gripped a guitar pick that looked like it was fashioned of the dried pelt of some nameless creature of the darkness.
"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" The creature screamed again. "I did it!! I summoned the magical dude!!!! Me!! Rawk Worm!!! I have the POWAAHHH!!! I'ma kill you now, and be LORD Rawk Worm!!"
The pale creature lifted the hand that clutched the pick over the strings of the guitar, but before he could strike them, a piercing white beam of light sprang from the darkness of the arena, focusing on a platform descending from the crepuscularity above the stage. With it, a burst of arpeggios blared from the unseen speaker stacks, along with billows of smoke and blasts of flame and sparks. A Gospel singer somewhere cried out a crescendo as the platform reached the level of the stage.
"Back off, Rawk Worm!" the newcomer commanded from behind a gout of smoke. "This prey is waaaayyy too great for you. I claim him."
"Mine, dude, mine!! I summoned him with my guitar, you saw me!"
"You had aid. The Guitar of Law was too hard a matter for you. You would have smashed it just trying to show off, had I not taught you some of the power chords. And my lessons have a price. This dude is mine."
"My guitar. I have it. You are not safe," he muttered darkly.
"You want some of this!!" the deep voice bristled, and its dangers edged closer to the surface. "Bring it on, Rawk Worm!! Your doooooooom grows upon you! Behold, a-wan! Two! Three! Four!!"
There was a low, steady beat, as of great drums and throbbing bass. Smoke now filled the arena, with coruscating sparks and dazzling laser patterns. Guitars in heavy overdrive struck power chords never heard at any earthly concert. Blistering solos screamed up and down the scale. The smoke intervened between Covenant and Rawk Worm, gathered and swirled and thickened until Rawk Worm was hidden from Covenant's sight. The stench of burning mushrooms and body odor choked Covenant and he felt he was no longer in Rawk Worm's arena. As the smoke grew thick enough to cut with a knife, Covenant fell to his knees.
"You do well to pray to me!!"
He thought he was having a nightmare. Absurdly, he heard the old beggar saying, Rock on, dude, you totally got this.
The single red beam from the police car seemed to crucify him like a hot nail as darkness overcame him. He could not look away from the hot red beam, which resonated in his brain like a single note, distorted and wailing, growing louder and louder. His pulse slowed inconceivably, as if each beat was waiting for the terrible music to end.
Abruptly, the single note wavered and came to a dissonant end. "YEAH!!! WOOOOHOOO!!! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!! I did it!!"
Covenant was close enough to see the red eyes clearly now, whiteless eyes ringed with way too much eyeliner, their heat and burning red glow like a bowl of weed in his face-- too close, seeming to singe his own eyebrows.
He found himself in a smoky arena. Its walls receded with rows of cobwebbed seats, vanishing in the distance. Exit signs glowed red over entrances that pierced the crepuscular darkness with deeper black at regular intervals around him. High above his head were trusses festooned with every manner of light cans, lasers, spotlights, color beams, all burning with the color red. The chamber was rank with the odor of sour sweat, burned marijuana, unwashed socks, old spilled beer, and halitosis. Covenant gagged on it, and the sight of the being whose eyes had held him.
Hunkered over a flying-V guitar on a high platform just ahead of him was a creature with a long, pasty chest, scrawny arms like wax beans, and a head like a white bowling ball fringed with blackish, stringy hair. One hand clutched the neck of the guitar with preternaturally long fingers tipped by long, yellowed nails with black half-moons of dirt at the tips. The other gripped a guitar pick that looked like it was fashioned of the dried pelt of some nameless creature of the darkness.
"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" The creature screamed again. "I did it!! I summoned the magical dude!!!! Me!! Rawk Worm!!! I have the POWAAHHH!!! I'ma kill you now, and be LORD Rawk Worm!!"
The pale creature lifted the hand that clutched the pick over the strings of the guitar, but before he could strike them, a piercing white beam of light sprang from the darkness of the arena, focusing on a platform descending from the crepuscularity above the stage. With it, a burst of arpeggios blared from the unseen speaker stacks, along with billows of smoke and blasts of flame and sparks. A Gospel singer somewhere cried out a crescendo as the platform reached the level of the stage.
"Back off, Rawk Worm!" the newcomer commanded from behind a gout of smoke. "This prey is waaaayyy too great for you. I claim him."
"Mine, dude, mine!! I summoned him with my guitar, you saw me!"
"You had aid. The Guitar of Law was too hard a matter for you. You would have smashed it just trying to show off, had I not taught you some of the power chords. And my lessons have a price. This dude is mine."
"My guitar. I have it. You are not safe," he muttered darkly.
"You want some of this!!" the deep voice bristled, and its dangers edged closer to the surface. "Bring it on, Rawk Worm!! Your doooooooom grows upon you! Behold, a-wan! Two! Three! Four!!"
There was a low, steady beat, as of great drums and throbbing bass. Smoke now filled the arena, with coruscating sparks and dazzling laser patterns. Guitars in heavy overdrive struck power chords never heard at any earthly concert. Blistering solos screamed up and down the scale. The smoke intervened between Covenant and Rawk Worm, gathered and swirled and thickened until Rawk Worm was hidden from Covenant's sight. The stench of burning mushrooms and body odor choked Covenant and he felt he was no longer in Rawk Worm's arena. As the smoke grew thick enough to cut with a knife, Covenant fell to his knees.
"You do well to pray to me!!"
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. -Philo of Alexandria
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
-
Shuram Gudatetris
- <i>Haruchai</i>
- Posts: 683
- Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:48 pm
- Location: Cameron, Missouri
- Contact:
This is the "script" for the trailer of the upcoming TC movie....
(Screen is black.)
Voice-over: A man who lost everything….
(fade in scene from a hospital room)
Doctor Berenford: I am sorry Mr. Covenant, you will never walk again….
Covenant: What about Joan? What about Roger?
Doctor Berenford: We did everything we could, but we couldn’t save your wife or son.
(Covenant begins to cry.)
Berenford: And Mr. Covenant, you should know, the driver of the other car was a 16 year old girl, named Lena. You killed her, too.
Covenant: No!
(fade to black)
Voice-over: ...is given a second chance…..
(fade in scene of a doctor’s office)
Doctor Berenford: Mr. Covenant, I would like you to meet Dr. Linden Avery, a Neuro-Pathologist….
Linden: We have developed an experimental procedure. By creating a quantum singularity, we can reverse time….
Covenant: You are going to create a black-hole . . . inside my spine??
Linden: This white gold ring will be forged around your sixth vertebrae. The molecular structure of the white gold will contain the vortex, allowing time to flow backward…..
(fade to black)
Voice-over: But SOMETHING goes wrong…..
(fade in scene of hospital room with alarms blaring, Covenant is inside a metal tube, with Linden and other doctors behind computers)
Linden: Something is wrong! The white gold is fusing to his spine!
Berenford: The singularity is expanding!
Linden: I have got to go in there to save him!
(she goes into the tunnel, and it explodes)
(fade to black)
Covenant: Am I dead?
Linden: Tom! Tom, open your eyes!
(blackness fades to breathtaking mountain panorama)
Covenant: Hell and blood, what is this?
Linden: Look at your legs, Tom! You’re moving them! The procedure worked!
Covenant: DID it work? Or are we dead? This MUST be some sort of dream.
Voice-over: Now, two people from our own world, find themselves on a distant planet, where mankind has unearthed a sinister BANE….
(scene fades to inside the depths of Mount Thunder)
Drool Rockworm: Kevin! We did it! We found the Black Diamond!
Kevin Landwaster: Lord Foul will be pleased. With this bane, the Council will finally be able to crush the Resistance!
(fade to black)
Voice-over: The Council of Lords rules The Land with an iron fist…..
(fade in scene with Kevin Landwaster, Drool Rockworm, and the Three Ravers standing on a platform addressing the population of Revelstone)
Kevin Landwaster: Lord Foul the Despiser will use the Black Diamond to lead us to victory!
Drool Rockworm: The Council of Lords will be the supreme Rulers of all The Land!
(the population of Revelstone cheers enthusiastically)
(cut to scene with executions squad, led by Kevin Landwaster, stand in front of a Waynhim on top of Revelstone)
Voice-over: Those who oppose the Council….DIE
Kevin: Dukkha Waynhim, you are sentenced….to death
(Dukkha is forced to walk off a plank extended from the top of Revelstone, and falls thousands of feet to his death.)
(fade to black)
(fade into scene on top of Kevin’s Watch)
Voice-over: The only hope for the Land….
Mhoram: Greetings, strangers. I am Lord Mhoram….
Voice-over: …is a legendary group of elite warriors….
Mhoram: …and these are my friends. Trevor, Prothall, Amatin, and Shetra.
Voice-over: ….who call themselves the NEW Lords.
Mhoram: Join us! And help the New Lords free the Land from the Despiser! We must destroy Lord Foul’s evil Bane, the Black Diamond!
Covenant: Hell and blood! I don’t even BELIEVE in you! This is just a bad dream!
(fade to black)
Voice-over: From the greatest EPIC FANTASY WRITER of our time….
(screen starts flashing lots and lots and lots of action sequences: clips from battles, explosions, stabbings, Lord’s fires erupting, Fire-lions leaping down Mount Thunder, etc, etc)
Voice-over: ….comes the FIRST chapter of the greatest ACTION story ever told…..
(action sequences continue to flash, along with provocative dialog clips…)
Covenant: What is this thing?
Mhoram: It is a robotic suit from a previous age of technology. It is made entirely of white gold.
(scene change)
Linden(indignant): I know because….!
Covenant(angrily): How do you know?!
Linden: I know because….!
Covenant: How?! How do you know?!
Linden: I know, because I have never loved another man the way I LOVE YOU!
(Covenant and Linden kiss passionately)
(scene change)
Drool Rockworm: Weak Lord! Did you really think yellow gold could stand up to the power of the Black Diamond?! Hahahaha!!!
Mhoram: DROOOOOL! You will never escape….MY WRATH!!!
(scene change)
Lord Prothall: We can never hope to defeat the Black Diamond without the power of white gold.
(scene change)
Lord Trevor: The robotic suit is useless! It’s just old space junk!
(scene change)
Drool Rockworm: HA! HA! HA! HA! I am invincible! I have the Black Diamond now!
(scene change)
Bannor: I am Bannor of the Bloodguard. I Vow my life to protect you.
(scene change)
Foamfollower: I am Saltheart Foamfollower.
Covenant: There can be no happy ending for me.
Foamfollower: Joy is in the ears that hear.
(scene change)
Linden (looking incredulously at TC): The white gold of the robotic suit is responding to the white gold ring fused to your neck!
(scene change)
(Drool Rockworm is backing up, wide eyed with fear, within the cavern Kiril Threndor.)
Drool Rockworm: Who? Who are you???
(Camera spins around to Thomas Covenant, looking intimidating within the armor of the glowing white gold suit. There is fiery hate smoldering in his eyes.)
Covenant: I…am… Thomas Covenant. Unbeliever and white gold weilder. Don’t touch me.
(fade to black.)
(then.... "THE CHRONICLES" pops up really big in gold letters on the black screen. When the narrator begins speaking, “of the Unbeliever” fades in below the big words)
Voice-over: The Chronicles of the Unbliever, coming soon to a theater near you….
(Movie title fades away, to be replaced by an even larger “3D!”)
Voice-over: IN 3D!!!
(fade to black)
(Screen is black.)
Voice-over: A man who lost everything….
(fade in scene from a hospital room)
Doctor Berenford: I am sorry Mr. Covenant, you will never walk again….
Covenant: What about Joan? What about Roger?
Doctor Berenford: We did everything we could, but we couldn’t save your wife or son.
(Covenant begins to cry.)
Berenford: And Mr. Covenant, you should know, the driver of the other car was a 16 year old girl, named Lena. You killed her, too.
Covenant: No!
(fade to black)
Voice-over: ...is given a second chance…..
(fade in scene of a doctor’s office)
Doctor Berenford: Mr. Covenant, I would like you to meet Dr. Linden Avery, a Neuro-Pathologist….
Linden: We have developed an experimental procedure. By creating a quantum singularity, we can reverse time….
Covenant: You are going to create a black-hole . . . inside my spine??
Linden: This white gold ring will be forged around your sixth vertebrae. The molecular structure of the white gold will contain the vortex, allowing time to flow backward…..
(fade to black)
Voice-over: But SOMETHING goes wrong…..
(fade in scene of hospital room with alarms blaring, Covenant is inside a metal tube, with Linden and other doctors behind computers)
Linden: Something is wrong! The white gold is fusing to his spine!
Berenford: The singularity is expanding!
Linden: I have got to go in there to save him!
(she goes into the tunnel, and it explodes)
(fade to black)
Covenant: Am I dead?
Linden: Tom! Tom, open your eyes!
(blackness fades to breathtaking mountain panorama)
Covenant: Hell and blood, what is this?
Linden: Look at your legs, Tom! You’re moving them! The procedure worked!
Covenant: DID it work? Or are we dead? This MUST be some sort of dream.
Voice-over: Now, two people from our own world, find themselves on a distant planet, where mankind has unearthed a sinister BANE….
(scene fades to inside the depths of Mount Thunder)
Drool Rockworm: Kevin! We did it! We found the Black Diamond!
Kevin Landwaster: Lord Foul will be pleased. With this bane, the Council will finally be able to crush the Resistance!
(fade to black)
Voice-over: The Council of Lords rules The Land with an iron fist…..
(fade in scene with Kevin Landwaster, Drool Rockworm, and the Three Ravers standing on a platform addressing the population of Revelstone)
Kevin Landwaster: Lord Foul the Despiser will use the Black Diamond to lead us to victory!
Drool Rockworm: The Council of Lords will be the supreme Rulers of all The Land!
(the population of Revelstone cheers enthusiastically)
(cut to scene with executions squad, led by Kevin Landwaster, stand in front of a Waynhim on top of Revelstone)
Voice-over: Those who oppose the Council….DIE
Kevin: Dukkha Waynhim, you are sentenced….to death
(Dukkha is forced to walk off a plank extended from the top of Revelstone, and falls thousands of feet to his death.)
(fade to black)
(fade into scene on top of Kevin’s Watch)
Voice-over: The only hope for the Land….
Mhoram: Greetings, strangers. I am Lord Mhoram….
Voice-over: …is a legendary group of elite warriors….
Mhoram: …and these are my friends. Trevor, Prothall, Amatin, and Shetra.
Voice-over: ….who call themselves the NEW Lords.
Mhoram: Join us! And help the New Lords free the Land from the Despiser! We must destroy Lord Foul’s evil Bane, the Black Diamond!
Covenant: Hell and blood! I don’t even BELIEVE in you! This is just a bad dream!
(fade to black)
Voice-over: From the greatest EPIC FANTASY WRITER of our time….
(screen starts flashing lots and lots and lots of action sequences: clips from battles, explosions, stabbings, Lord’s fires erupting, Fire-lions leaping down Mount Thunder, etc, etc)
Voice-over: ….comes the FIRST chapter of the greatest ACTION story ever told…..
(action sequences continue to flash, along with provocative dialog clips…)
Covenant: What is this thing?
Mhoram: It is a robotic suit from a previous age of technology. It is made entirely of white gold.
(scene change)
Linden(indignant): I know because….!
Covenant(angrily): How do you know?!
Linden: I know because….!
Covenant: How?! How do you know?!
Linden: I know, because I have never loved another man the way I LOVE YOU!
(Covenant and Linden kiss passionately)
(scene change)
Drool Rockworm: Weak Lord! Did you really think yellow gold could stand up to the power of the Black Diamond?! Hahahaha!!!
Mhoram: DROOOOOL! You will never escape….MY WRATH!!!
(scene change)
Lord Prothall: We can never hope to defeat the Black Diamond without the power of white gold.
(scene change)
Lord Trevor: The robotic suit is useless! It’s just old space junk!
(scene change)
Drool Rockworm: HA! HA! HA! HA! I am invincible! I have the Black Diamond now!
(scene change)
Bannor: I am Bannor of the Bloodguard. I Vow my life to protect you.
(scene change)
Foamfollower: I am Saltheart Foamfollower.
Covenant: There can be no happy ending for me.
Foamfollower: Joy is in the ears that hear.
(scene change)
Linden (looking incredulously at TC): The white gold of the robotic suit is responding to the white gold ring fused to your neck!
(scene change)
(Drool Rockworm is backing up, wide eyed with fear, within the cavern Kiril Threndor.)
Drool Rockworm: Who? Who are you???
(Camera spins around to Thomas Covenant, looking intimidating within the armor of the glowing white gold suit. There is fiery hate smoldering in his eyes.)
Covenant: I…am… Thomas Covenant. Unbeliever and white gold weilder. Don’t touch me.
(fade to black.)
(then.... "THE CHRONICLES" pops up really big in gold letters on the black screen. When the narrator begins speaking, “of the Unbeliever” fades in below the big words)
Voice-over: The Chronicles of the Unbliever, coming soon to a theater near you….
(Movie title fades away, to be replaced by an even larger “3D!”)
Voice-over: IN 3D!!!
(fade to black)
-
Linna Heartbooger
- Are you not a sine qua non for a redemption?
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 11:17 pm
- Been thanked: 1 time
Oh, that is brilliant, Shuram... I could see the scenes flashing from one to the next & hear theme music playing in the background while reading it... (perhaps that was mostly sounds from LoTR and Hobbit trailers, for all I know.)
Awesome.
Hope I get to participate... there is so much quality bad writing to be gotten out of this assignment...
Ananda wrote:It obviously needs some changes to make it marketable! The main character is what?
....On your way out, his assistant gives you a marketing research report on things people respond favourably to. She frowns at you as you leave.
Awesome.Hope I get to participate... there is so much quality bad writing to be gotten out of this assignment...
"People without hope not only don't write novels, but what is more to the point, they don't read them.
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
-
DoctorGamgee
- Bloodguard
- Posts: 750
- Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:54 pm
- Location: Laredo, TX
Lights come up on a phone conversation between DoctorGamgee (Screenwriter Estraordinaire) and Ari Gold (in the upcoming ENTOURAGE Reunion movie):
Lloyd: Ari, DoctorGamgee is on line 2. He wants your feedback on the Thomas Covenant script he sent you.
Ari: The Leper Flick? Ah, Christ, Lloyd. I know the thought of picking up pieces of Travolta and Cage had you attending "Face Off" 38 times, but this Covenant guy could actually have a face off ... in the corner!
Lloyd: Just talk to him, Ari. Lord of the Rings was a stunning cinematic success. The books have a built in audience and as you say, "geeks by lots of tickets..."
Ari: All right, already. Get the threesome of you, Cage and Travolta out of your head and put him through. (God, how did I get a plague like Leprosy?!?) Gamgee, Bubbi, I gotta tell ya; I love the passion you have for this whole Thomas Covenant thing..but Leprosy? Talk about a Box Office Flop. Summer Downer for sure, can't we do a little rewrite?
DG: A rewrite? Such as...
Ari: Let's start with the main character. A middle-aged man with Leprosy? Disease is out, Vampirism is in. Couldn't we go with something along those lines?
DG: You want to make him a Vampire?
Ari: No, better, a Vampire Slayer! Buffy with a tude! How about Anjolina Jolie as "Tomi Coven" the Witch/Vampire slayer?
DG: Well, I don't know...
Ari: Come on! We can pair her up with Brad for a whole Branjolina two fer. He was a vampire in that Rice film with Cruise. Played Lestat I think...
Lloyd: He played Louis de Pointe du Lac, Ari.
Ari (shouting at Lloyd): Thanks, Lloyd. Leave it to you to remember a Pitt flick with a name like "du Lick" in it...
(speaking into the receiver) du Lac. We can bring him back to New Orleans. And...oh, OH, this is great! Instead of a white gold ring (way too tame; summer audiences need an edge!) we can give her a white gold tongue peircing. And since White Gold from the 16th century was made with Silver, it would be leathal to a vampire! I've GOT IT!!! The White Gold Ring of their broken engagement could be his downfall. He spurned her in life in the 16th century and left him for Tom Cruise and the Blood-sucking unlife, so she becomes the slayer and goes after him for personal reasons! She can come in, centuries later, turn him into putty in his hands, seduce him, and we watch him burn from the inside out!
DG: Um...Ari. This is not even close to what the books are about. The books...
Ari: The title says it all. WHITE GOLD WEILDER, and she'll be weilding it...with her tongue!!! The mouth-breathers at ComicCon will come out in droves for a chance to meet Jolie and their freakazoid girlfriend wanna-bes will all stand in line with them just so they can swoon for Pitt.
DG: (silence on the phone line)
Ari: Just do it, Gamgee. Or I'll find someone who WILL!!! (Hangs Up) LLOYD! Get me Weinstein on the phone...we have Box Office WHITE GOLD to discuss...
(Fade to black)
Lloyd: Ari, DoctorGamgee is on line 2. He wants your feedback on the Thomas Covenant script he sent you.
Ari: The Leper Flick? Ah, Christ, Lloyd. I know the thought of picking up pieces of Travolta and Cage had you attending "Face Off" 38 times, but this Covenant guy could actually have a face off ... in the corner!
Lloyd: Just talk to him, Ari. Lord of the Rings was a stunning cinematic success. The books have a built in audience and as you say, "geeks by lots of tickets..."
Ari: All right, already. Get the threesome of you, Cage and Travolta out of your head and put him through. (God, how did I get a plague like Leprosy?!?) Gamgee, Bubbi, I gotta tell ya; I love the passion you have for this whole Thomas Covenant thing..but Leprosy? Talk about a Box Office Flop. Summer Downer for sure, can't we do a little rewrite?
DG: A rewrite? Such as...
Ari: Let's start with the main character. A middle-aged man with Leprosy? Disease is out, Vampirism is in. Couldn't we go with something along those lines?
DG: You want to make him a Vampire?
Ari: No, better, a Vampire Slayer! Buffy with a tude! How about Anjolina Jolie as "Tomi Coven" the Witch/Vampire slayer?
DG: Well, I don't know...
Ari: Come on! We can pair her up with Brad for a whole Branjolina two fer. He was a vampire in that Rice film with Cruise. Played Lestat I think...
Lloyd: He played Louis de Pointe du Lac, Ari.
Ari (shouting at Lloyd): Thanks, Lloyd. Leave it to you to remember a Pitt flick with a name like "du Lick" in it...
(speaking into the receiver) du Lac. We can bring him back to New Orleans. And...oh, OH, this is great! Instead of a white gold ring (way too tame; summer audiences need an edge!) we can give her a white gold tongue peircing. And since White Gold from the 16th century was made with Silver, it would be leathal to a vampire! I've GOT IT!!! The White Gold Ring of their broken engagement could be his downfall. He spurned her in life in the 16th century and left him for Tom Cruise and the Blood-sucking unlife, so she becomes the slayer and goes after him for personal reasons! She can come in, centuries later, turn him into putty in his hands, seduce him, and we watch him burn from the inside out!
DG: Um...Ari. This is not even close to what the books are about. The books...
Ari: The title says it all. WHITE GOLD WEILDER, and she'll be weilding it...with her tongue!!! The mouth-breathers at ComicCon will come out in droves for a chance to meet Jolie and their freakazoid girlfriend wanna-bes will all stand in line with them just so they can swoon for Pitt.
DG: (silence on the phone line)
Ari: Just do it, Gamgee. Or I'll find someone who WILL!!! (Hangs Up) LLOYD! Get me Weinstein on the phone...we have Box Office WHITE GOLD to discuss...
(Fade to black)
Proud father of G-minor and the Bean
-
Linna Heartbooger
- Are you not a sine qua non for a redemption?
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 11:17 pm
- Been thanked: 1 time
Oh boy, Doctor Gamgee!
...anyways, Anaaannnnda, can you extend the deadline?
Pleasey, please, please?
Sooo busy lately...
Mind you, I could just attempt to write one while being less OCD than is typical of me.
...anyways, Anaaannnnda, can you extend the deadline?
Pleasey, please, please?
Sooo busy lately...
Mind you, I could just attempt to write one while being less OCD than is typical of me.
"People without hope not only don't write novels, but what is more to the point, they don't read them.
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
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DoctorGamgee
- Bloodguard
- Posts: 750
- Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:54 pm
- Location: Laredo, TX
It's fierce competition, Linna. Thanks!
Deer, I love your Power Chords! Totally awesome! And Shur-Lord's has all of the knowledge of trailer making in it.
Ananda's going to have a hard choice (even harder if she waits for Linna's entry...).
Nice round, y'all! Excellent. (Doing his best Bill and Ted air guitar).
Doc
Deer, I love your Power Chords! Totally awesome! And Shur-Lord's has all of the knowledge of trailer making in it.
Ananda's going to have a hard choice (even harder if she waits for Linna's entry...).
Nice round, y'all! Excellent. (Doing his best Bill and Ted air guitar).
Doc
Proud father of G-minor and the Bean
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Linna Heartbooger
- Are you not a sine qua non for a redemption?
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 11:17 pm
- Been thanked: 1 time
Having never seen "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," (only ads for it or what-not) I actually guessed that it was the one you were referencing, deer!
And apparently I was right!
And apparently I was right!
"People without hope not only don't write novels, but what is more to the point, they don't read them.
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
They don't take long looks at anything, because they lack the courage.
The way to despair is to refuse to have any kind of experience, and the novel, of course, is a way to have experience."
-Flannery O'Connor
"In spite of much that militates against quietness there are people who still read books. They are the people who keep me going."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Preface, "A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael"
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DoctorGamgee
- Bloodguard
- Posts: 750
- Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:54 pm
- Location: Laredo, TX
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Shuram Gudatetris
- <i>Haruchai</i>
- Posts: 683
- Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:48 pm
- Location: Cameron, Missouri
- Contact:
I wonder how Part 3 will turn out? They are pretty tight-lipped about the plot of the upcoming sequel. Perhaps deer is on to something????
Nice one, Doc! Loved it.
Linna, we can push the deadline till the end of sunday since you're pressed for time and Vraith said he had issues with getting hold of the book. I'll edit the rules post to go till 25 march. Hope that helps you get the time.
Linna, we can push the deadline till the end of sunday since you're pressed for time and Vraith said he had issues with getting hold of the book. I'll edit the rules post to go till 25 march. Hope that helps you get the time.
Monsters, they eat
Your kind of meat
And they're moving as far as they can
And as fast as they can
Your kind of meat
And they're moving as far as they can
And as fast as they can
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deer of the dawn
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 6758
- Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:48 pm
- Location: Jos, Nigeria
- Contact:
shur-Lord Gudatetris wrote:I wonder how Part 3 will turn out? They are pretty tight-lipped about the plot of the upcoming sequel. Perhaps deer is on to something????
Actually, I've never seen those flicks, either, just previews. I wasn't thinking of them at all, not entirely sure where that came from.Shur-Lord, that was spot-on!! Loved it!!!!!!!!!!! and DG, the whole vampire thing, will it ever end??!? Actually, maybe sicking Brangelina on it will be the perfect way to kill it...
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. -Philo of Alexandria
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
ahhhh... if only all our creativity in wickedness could be fixed by "Corrupt a Wish." - Linna Heartlistener
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Frostheart Grueburn
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 1827
- Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:47 pm
- Location: Gianthome
I wasn't going to participate, but had too much fun with this idea. 
From the producers of Twilight, a new epic love story comes forth this December...
Starring Kristen Steward and Justin Bieber...
The camera pans across long sweeps of emerald green, rolling hills and swaying trees. A young girl rushes up a meadow barefoot, the brisk wind making her blue robe cling to her figure.
Music begins to play in the background ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs ) as she continues up the slope towards a mountain partly swallowed by a roiling thundercloud. Thunder cracks and murmurs across the vistas before the actual flashes are seen.
Voiceover (with a high-pitched, drawling tone interrupted by the occasional bubblegum pop):
"Hi, I'm Lena! I'm, like, sixteen, and live downriver on this village, which is like the most boo-oohring place evah! Nuffin' ever happens there, and that's why it's, like, soo-o too-tal-ly dull! Like, right now I'd totally be hangin' out and chillaxin' with the cool guys from the other village, but my mentor sent me to collect some stupid rocks out here, and, like..."
The scene changes. The girl stumbles onto a steep, rocky path that winds further up the mountainside. She halts for a moment, shades her eyes with one hand against the dazzling sunlight, and frowns up at the gray-black cloud now hovering right above a massive watchtower-like construction.
Voiceover continues: "...and then, like, I saw this wee-eirdo cloud and was like "Oh-em-gee, what's THAT???" By the way, that stone thingy's Kevin's Watch and I, like, think it was built by some dweeb called Damian or Damnalone like waaay back when my grandpa wasn't all a wrinkly prune or something... Dunno rly. Like nobody cares, like, anyway..."
The scene switches. The girl ascends the last few stairs, weatherworn and slimy with moss, leading to the top of Kevin's Watch. A close-up of her face is seen as she gasps at the sight right before her eyes. New music starts slowly playing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4&ob=av2e
A boy perhaps a year or two older stands his back against her on the stone platform, artfully ripped jeans and a new Hot Topic tee hugging his lean frame. The storm cloud has vanished from the sky, the whole world now awash with warm, yellow sunlight. He slowly turns towards her, his fair skin so white it seems to sparkle along with the golden glitter of his coppery hair.
Time slows down as the girl treads over the very last stair. Her robe swirls and dances around her in the brisk wind. Their eyes lock across the platform.
Voiceover: "I then, like, knew my life would never be the same, like, 4evah again!!! He's, like, the most beautiful boy I've ever seen, so mysterious and tooh-tally rad, not like those pimply geeks back home..."
Then, her delight turns to horror as her eyes slide down to his right hand which is missing two fingers. Yet a strange ring sits in the forefinger, glowing faintly with pure, white argence...
The boy gazes at her sadly with kohl-rimmed eyes, and whispers into the wind: "I am Thomas Covenant, an outcast. Do not touch me."
A shot of the mute anguish spread across the girl's face is shown before the scene slowly fades to white.
Voiceover: "But I knew I wouldn't give up. Not, like, when I'd just met the coolest dude evah..."
A flash of Thomas and Lena kissing in the rain is seen while www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvBfHwUxHIk plays, before the screen turns entirely black.
Voiceover (whispered by Bieber's high, boyish voice): "I am the White Gold."
White letters spelling "The Saga of the White Gold" unfurl themselves across the black in artful, white script.
(The poster's also decidedly corny and slapdash. )
From the producers of Twilight, a new epic love story comes forth this December...
Starring Kristen Steward and Justin Bieber...
The camera pans across long sweeps of emerald green, rolling hills and swaying trees. A young girl rushes up a meadow barefoot, the brisk wind making her blue robe cling to her figure.
Music begins to play in the background ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs ) as she continues up the slope towards a mountain partly swallowed by a roiling thundercloud. Thunder cracks and murmurs across the vistas before the actual flashes are seen.
Voiceover (with a high-pitched, drawling tone interrupted by the occasional bubblegum pop):
"Hi, I'm Lena! I'm, like, sixteen, and live downriver on this village, which is like the most boo-oohring place evah! Nuffin' ever happens there, and that's why it's, like, soo-o too-tal-ly dull! Like, right now I'd totally be hangin' out and chillaxin' with the cool guys from the other village, but my mentor sent me to collect some stupid rocks out here, and, like..."
The scene changes. The girl stumbles onto a steep, rocky path that winds further up the mountainside. She halts for a moment, shades her eyes with one hand against the dazzling sunlight, and frowns up at the gray-black cloud now hovering right above a massive watchtower-like construction.
Voiceover continues: "...and then, like, I saw this wee-eirdo cloud and was like "Oh-em-gee, what's THAT???" By the way, that stone thingy's Kevin's Watch and I, like, think it was built by some dweeb called Damian or Damnalone like waaay back when my grandpa wasn't all a wrinkly prune or something... Dunno rly. Like nobody cares, like, anyway..."
The scene switches. The girl ascends the last few stairs, weatherworn and slimy with moss, leading to the top of Kevin's Watch. A close-up of her face is seen as she gasps at the sight right before her eyes. New music starts slowly playing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4&ob=av2e
A boy perhaps a year or two older stands his back against her on the stone platform, artfully ripped jeans and a new Hot Topic tee hugging his lean frame. The storm cloud has vanished from the sky, the whole world now awash with warm, yellow sunlight. He slowly turns towards her, his fair skin so white it seems to sparkle along with the golden glitter of his coppery hair.
Time slows down as the girl treads over the very last stair. Her robe swirls and dances around her in the brisk wind. Their eyes lock across the platform.
Voiceover: "I then, like, knew my life would never be the same, like, 4evah again!!! He's, like, the most beautiful boy I've ever seen, so mysterious and tooh-tally rad, not like those pimply geeks back home..."
Then, her delight turns to horror as her eyes slide down to his right hand which is missing two fingers. Yet a strange ring sits in the forefinger, glowing faintly with pure, white argence...
The boy gazes at her sadly with kohl-rimmed eyes, and whispers into the wind: "I am Thomas Covenant, an outcast. Do not touch me."
A shot of the mute anguish spread across the girl's face is shown before the scene slowly fades to white.
Voiceover: "But I knew I wouldn't give up. Not, like, when I'd just met the coolest dude evah..."
A flash of Thomas and Lena kissing in the rain is seen while www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvBfHwUxHIk plays, before the screen turns entirely black.
Voiceover (whispered by Bieber's high, boyish voice): "I am the White Gold."
White letters spelling "The Saga of the White Gold" unfurl themselves across the black in artful, white script.
(The poster's also decidedly corny and slapdash.
)-
deer of the dawn
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 6758
- Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:48 pm
- Location: Jos, Nigeria
- Contact:
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Vraith
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 10623
- Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:03 pm
- Location: everywhere, all the time
- Been thanked: 3 times
This is awful...I'm kinda scared to enter the contest in the thread I started...[otoh, we're at or beating record participation...huzzah! peeps, crazy funny entries so far]
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
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DoctorGamgee
- Bloodguard
- Posts: 750
- Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:54 pm
- Location: Laredo, TX
