Epic Fail Food Recipe Game

[aTOMiC]

Construct a recipe for a meal that, if eaten, would most likely result in projectile regurgitation.


TOM'S CHOCOLATE SHRIMP CAKE

1 cup of fresh jumbo shrimp
1 cup of fresh scallops
2 large eggs
2-1/2 cups of flour
3 tbsp of brown sugar
1/2 cup of whole milk
1/2 cup of filtered water
2 tbsp of vanilla extract
1 tbsp of sea salt
4 tbsp of butter or margarine
1/2 cup of raspberry jam
1 cup of baking chocolate
5 oz of finely chopped black olives
3 oz of sliced green onions
3 oz of worcestershire sauce
4 oz of baking soda

Mix eggs, flour, brown sugar, vanilla extract, sea salt, milk, water and butter in a large bowl. For best results hand mix with a butter knife or plastic spoon. Then place mix in a medium sauce pan and simmer on low heat for 30 minutes. Then add black olives and worcestershire sauce and increase heat bringing mix to a boil. Cover and continue cooking on medium heat for 30 minutes.

Place chocolate, onions, baking soda, black olives and jam in a food processor or mixer and mix until ingredients are brought to a thick paste.
Place shrimp and scallops in a sturdy glass or metal bowl and mash by hand or with a wooden spoon and blend with the paste.

Remove mix from heat and place in a medium baking pan and pour shrimp and paste over the top, smoothing with a wooden spoon.

Place pan in a pre-heated oven at 350 degrees for 55 minutes.

Let cool for 10 minutes and serve.

[sgt.null]

Ingredients:

1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup salt
1 large grapefruit , diced
1/2 cup chopped rhubarb
1/2 cup chopped salt pork
1/2 cup chopped ghost chilis
1/2 cup chopped ghost chilis
1/2 cup sliced ghost chilis
6 minced ghost chilis
4 cups coarse salt
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ghost chili extract
2 lbs any combo of beef heart or 2 lbs beef liver or 2 lbs cbeef brains (etc.)

Directions:

In a large stockpot combine vinegar and salt and cook over medium-high heat about 15 minutes or until it turns very dark brown, almost between brown and black.

You will have to stir almost constantly.

This is called the roux.

Add grapefruit, parsley, rhubarb, salt pork, scallions and ghost chilis and cook about 10 more minutes or until vegetables are tender, stirring regularly.

Add coarse salt, salt, and ghost chilis

If you like you may also add 10 oz jalapeno peppers

Cover pot and simmer 15 minutes stirring occasionally.

Add your chosen combination of offal at this point and simmer an additional 10 minutes

Ladle over Freshly Cooked Tripe...

[aTOMiC]

Nasty!

[sgt.null]

Nasty!

thank you!



Ingredients

2 pounds rocky mountain oysters
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce
1 cup all-purpose flour
3 whole eggs, beaten
1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup butter milk
1/2 teaspoon fresh bay leaves

Directions


Preheat oven to 250 degrees F.

Cut the meat with the grain into 1/2-inch thick slices. Season each piece on both sides with the salt and ghost pepper sauce. Place the flour into a pie pan. Place the eggs into a separate pie pan. Dredge the meat on both sides in the flour. Tenderize the meat, using a needling device, until each slice is 1/4-inch thick. Once tenderized, dredge the meat again in the flour, followed by the egg and finally in the flour again. Repeat with all the pieces of meat. Place the meat onto a plate and allow it to sit for 10 to 15 minutes before cooking.

Place enough of the vegetable oil to cover the bottom of a 12-inch slope-sided skillet and set over medium-high heat. Once the oil begins to shimmer, add the meat in batches, being careful not to overcrowd the pan. Cook each piece on both sides until golden brown, approximately 4 minutes per side. Remove the steaks to a wire rack set in a half sheet pan and place into the oven. Repeat until all of the meat is browned.

Add the remaining vegetable oil, or at least 1 tablespoon, to the pan. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of the flour left over from the dredging. Add the chicken broth and deglaze the pan. Whisk until the gravy comes to a boil and begins to thicken. Add the milk and bay leaves and whisk until the gravy coats to blacken the back of a spoon, approximately 5 to 10 minutes. Season to taste, with more salt and ghost pepper sauce, if needed. Serve the gravy over the steaks.

[deer of the dawn]

~Deer of the Dawn's Spring Salad~

1 cup Andy Capp potato sticks
1 cup Bugles
1 cup Hershey's (R) Butterscotch morsels
1 cup chopped Snickers (R) bars
1 cup honey mustard pretzels
1 cup Atomic Warheads
1 Tbsp. msg
1 Tbsp. Asian Fish Sauce
1 cup red palm oil (available in African specialty shops, if not available 1 cup used motor oil will do)

Toss all ingredients together in a large bowl
Spread in baking pans and bake in a slow oven, 250F, 1 hour or until brownish black.

Serve with whipped topping.

[sgt.null]

eggs benedict arnold

4 egg yolks
3 cups lemon juice
1 half cup ground white pepper
1 cup Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon water
1 cup butter, melted
1 cup salt
8 eggs
1 cup distilled white vinegar
8 strips Canadian-style bacon
4 English muffins, split
2 cups butter, softened

To Make Hollandaise: Fill the bottom of a double boiler part-way with water. Make sure that water does not touch the top pan. Bring water to a gentle simmer. In the top of the double boiler, whisk together egg yolks, lemon juice, white pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and 1 tablespoon water.

2. Add the melted butter to egg yolk mixture 1 or 2 tablespoons at a time while whisking yolks constantly. If hollandaise begins to get too thick, add a teaspoon or two of hot water. Continue whisking until all butter is incorporated. Whisk in salt, then remove from heat. Place a lid on pan to keep sauce warm.

3. Preheat oven on broiler setting. To Poach Eggs: Fill a large saucepan with 3 inches of water. Bring water to a gentle simmer, then add vinegar. Carefully break eggs into simmering water, and allow to cook for 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. Yolks should still be soft in center. Remove eggs from water with a slotted spoon and set on a warm plate

4. While eggs are poaching, brown the bacon in a medium skillet over medium-high heat and toast the English muffins on a baking sheet under the broiler.

5. Spread toasted muffins with softened butter, and top each one with a slice of bacon, followed by one poached egg. Place 2 muffins on each plate and drizzle with hollandaise sauce. Sprinkle with chopped chives and serve immediately.

[aTOMiC]

Mix butterflies, carrots, AAA batteries, rat feces, a bowling ball, 3 qts of any brown liquid, scissors, 5 playing cards from a discarded UNO deck, a sharp shard of glass, a bucket of water from the Elephant trough at the zoo, the last three pages torn out of whatever phone book you can find and a spoonful of gasoline in a large bowl and serve.

No heating, baking or cooking required.

Bon appetit.

[dANdeLION]

Horrible, but not as bad as the hospital food I was forced to attempt to eat the last 3 days. I theorized that the food was made by aliens who had no taste buds or instructions; only photographs of our food. My theory was based on the fact that it did look like our food; but the taste....well, that's just not food. My mother worked at that hospital for over 30 years, and she says the hospital was bought by the 7th day adventist church, and the food is provided by them, and during my past encounters with them, I came to suspect that they were, in fact, alien life forms, so my theory has been proven to be correct.

I do, however, believe three AAA batteries would have improved the" meatloaf". Alas, the" turkey", "sausage", "eggs".......oh God, I think I'm gonna

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

dAN, my condolences, that sounds worse than many of the recipes invented here. The post was funny though, particularly about the adventist aliens

I also have some samples of real horrible recipes, courtesy of the cooking & delivery company I have to use. A salad made of pineapples and cabbage... what a mind invented that.

[dANdeLION]

Thanks, Effae. That salad sounds like something served in Hell.

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Mind you, this is a real recipe, back from the day when a lot of people thought jello was the neatest thing ever, but could be improved by adding things that were never meant to be added to it.

Aspic Salad
1 package Lime jello
2 green bell peppers, seeded and julienne cut
8oz fresh strawberry slices
1 8oz carton cottage cheese, drained
Salt and pepper to taste

Prepare jello as per package directions, then pour into a mold prepared with nonstick spray. Stir in remaining ingredients, and chill for several hours until set.

BARF!

[Cagliostro]

Bad Pizza Crust

1 cup flour
1/2 cup water
teaspoon of yeast
teaspoon of cinnamon oil



I know this is bad because I tried it during an experimental phase with pizza. I discovered it was possible to render a pizza completely inedible.

[Vraith]

Mind you, this is a real recipe, back from the day when a lot of people thought jello was the neatest thing ever, but could be improved by adding things that were never meant to be added to it.

Aspic Salad
1 package Lime jello
2 green bell peppers, seeded and julienne cut
8oz fresh strawberry slices
1 8oz carton cottage cheese, drained
Salt and pepper to taste

Prepare jello as per package directions, then pour into a mold prepared with nonstick spray. Stir in remaining ingredients, and chill for several hours until set.

BARF!

Take out the bell peppers, and allow for variation in jello flavor, and it is a dish that one relative or another has brought to every yearly family reunion for my ENTIRE LIFE. That's right, 5 decades of that grossness.
Heh...there's some old movie my wife loves that has a funny thread involving and aspic molded in the shape of the British Lion.

[aTOMiC]

TOM'S FRESH GARDEN SOUP

Ingredients:

4 large eggs
3 1/2 lbs of margarine or butter
1/4 cup of skim milk
2 1/2 lbs of sugar
1 package of Oscar Meyer bologna (or any brand that you may prefer)
3 medium sized turkey livers
1/2 cup of honey
12 standard candy canes
1 quart of vinegar
3 ripe limes
2 1/2 more lbs of sugar
1/2 gallon of vanilla ice cream
1 16 oz bag of individual caramel cubes
2 lbs of peanut brittle
3 more lbs of sugar
10 more eggs
20 hot fudge sundaes
A bowl of Captain Crunch
3 Snickers candy bars
5 more lbs of sugar

Mix all ingredients together in a large stone-wear bowl formed by an experienced Gravelingas and sprinkle with liberal amounts of confectioner's sugar.

Have your doctor and a dentist standing by before serving

[deer of the dawn]

Reminded me of the Trump sandwich....

Toddlerized Tapas

6 or more small children, preferably pre-verbal (diapers removed)
1 lb. each:
cocktail hot dogs
gum drops
Hershey white chocolate kisses
prawn crackers, fried
diced papaya

Spread a plastic tarp, or better yet use a kiddy-sized swimming pool. Spread ingredients on the floor. Add toddlers. Allow toddlers to interact with ingredients for at least 45 minutes. Remove children. Serve ingredients warm and slimy.

[aTOMiC]

Super gross Deer.


Toilet Boogers


1 lb whole grain rice
2 lbs of hamburger
1 large can of diced tomatoes
1/2 cup of milk
1/2 tsp of Oregano
1 tsp of salt
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1 tbs of butter or margarine

Boil rice in 2 quarts of water for 8 minutes, drain and set aside
Brown hamburger in large skillet, drain
Add cooked rice, milk, Oregano, salt, pepper, butter and tomatoes into skillet and bring to a boil
Let cool and serve

After processing deposit in toilet

[Cord Hurn]

Real life raunchy recipe horror story, here. The eggnog tasted like stale oatmeal with a hint of mint.

Peppermint Eggnog

INGREDIENTS
6 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons more sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pure peppermint extract
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
4 cups whole milk
12 peppermint candy canes, broken into pieces
3 ounces white chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/2 cup heavy cream
peppermint sticks added for garnish

DIRECTIONS
1. Prepare an ice-water bath; set aside. Whisk together eggs, egg yolks, sugar, salt, and the extracts in a large saucepan over medium-low heat until combined. Pour in milk in a slow, steady stream, whisking until fully incorporated. Raise heat to medium. Cook, whisking constantly, until mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon, about 30 to 35 minutes.

2. Pour milk mixture through a fine sieve into a medium bowl. Set bowl in ice-water bath; let mixture cool completely. Transfer this resulting custard to an airtight container, and refrigerate at least 4 hours or up to overnight.

3. Process candy canes in a food processor until finely crushed. Sift in a strainer to discard dust. Transfer to a shallow dish.

4. Melt chocolate in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water. Let cool 5 minutes. Dip rim of each cup to be used for serving eggnog into the melted chocolate, then into the crushed peppermint. Refrigerate until set, about 5 minutes.

5. Remove custard from refrigerator; set aside. Put cream into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment; mix on medium speed until stiff peaks form. Fold into cold custard until combined. Fill cups with eggnog. Sprinkle with crushed peppermint candy cane material, and garnish with peppermint sticks; serve.


Makes 5 servings.

[sgt.null]

Mind you, this is a real recipe, back from the day when a lot of people thought jello was the neatest thing ever, but could be improved by adding things that were never meant to be added to it.

Aspic Salad
1 package Lime jello
2 green bell peppers, seeded and julienne cut
8oz fresh strawberry slices
1 8oz carton cottage cheese, drained
Salt and pepper to taste

Prepare jello as per package directions, then pour into a mold prepared with nonstick spray. Stir in remaining ingredients, and chill for several hours until set.

BARF!