Lakeside With the Fall of Iolar

[Holsety]

Lakeside With the Flight of Iolar

According to Wolfe
when Iolar fell
it was Molpsday

a goddess rose from
her carriage
the propinquity

of the hunt was
awake in our tingling
Musk

the lakeside
concerned
with itself

caressed by Aquila
who tore
the kite's rabbit

unsurprisingly
off the coast
there was

a splash quite noticed
this was
Iolar fleeing
_____________________________
For those who haven't read the poem:
www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15828
And also Auden:
english.emory.edu/classes/paintings&poems/auden.html

If you haven't read either of those, you'll probably enjoy them even if you don't like mine. But I'm not telling you to read mine once you read those. They are better.

But most of the changes I made to the poem are allusions to Wolfe's Book of the Long Sun, so...if you didn't read that and this does nothing for you, sorry. There might still be a bit in there, though.

In a way, it might be a bit like a Jabberwocky that makes nonsense out of sense, rather than getting people to use their imaginations D:

[deer of the dawn]

Evocative and picturesque on its own, Hols. And I haven't read Auden in years.

It puts me in mind of The Mermaid's Prophecy, a Finnish poem, but more graceful than the translation (much as I love Borrow).