Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!

[shadowbinding shoe]

I like entries that have some meat on their bones, but... sure, I'd like to see what you're making. You don't have to post it this minute. I haven't visited the site in the last week. Things are kind of busy at my end.

[DoctorGamgee]

It was a bittersweet ending to the tale....Sheriff and deputy coming to the place where Covenant lie dead at the base of the cliff.

"We'll never get answers now, Dang-it!" rasped the Sheriff.

"I can tell you all you want about the Arch of time" replied the giant, now completely restored to calm at the revelation that his nemesis was dead. "But for the life of me, I do not understand who Big and Little Enos are ... and why our uniforms being a 12 dwarf and a 68 fat would cause the Unbeliever to laugh so hard that these should be his last words as he slipped ..."

...

Three days later, the sheriff shot himself in the head. For it came to pass that the worm of the world's end was an ear-worm, who kept humming "East bound and down, loaded up and truckin'" and the Sheriff could take no more....

[Linna Heartbooger]

Sheriff Lytton grumbled, "I never... What?" as he awoke, without another soul near him - not a trace of bodies in sight, nor bullets, storm-tossed skies, or even being soaked to the skin.
Impossible!
Miserable deputies deserting me... what happened... they just left me unconscious here?

As Sheriff Lytton rubbed his eyes, he suddenly noticed- wait, there was someone right here! How could he have not noticed him before?
He squinted and rubbed his eyes.

You gotta be kiddin' me. This guy looked like he stepped out of some kinda seventies disco, with his razzle-dazzle sequin-and-shiny-gold-foil doo-dad outfit. (He was wearing a cymar, if you must know. If I don't know what that is, Sheriff Lytton surely didn't know, and since I'm writing from his POV, well... that's why i'm doing things this way... you see? What IS a cymar, anyway?)

The guy walked up and was ready to say something before Lytton could even open his mouth to speak.
"Allow me to help you. You must not reject my aid. One Wildwielder already has."
The dude was practically ready to get down on his knees and beg for the chance to help. With those shifty eyes? Fat chance...

Then the freak pointed a finger across the hollow, and it was like twenty sticks of dynamite exploded in an instant.
Well, then. That's gotta count for somethin'.
"Well, fine. Just tell me what's been going on for the past twelve hours or however long it's been..." squinting up at the sun "...and don't get in my way. We're gonna track down a desperate criminal... real psycho loon... he was standing RIGHT over there before I got knocked out or whatever the hell happened..."
_____________________________

Also, shoe, looks like you've reached a thousand posts: Congrats. (also, congratulate him here, people.)

[Linna Heartbooger]

Hey, Gamgee!
If I hadn't seen your post, I think I would still have put making an entry off on the "never, never" policy...

It's weird how seeing someone else do a thing makes it seem or become more possible to do it yourself!
So thank YOU!

I was dying to saddle Lytton with Esmer... didn't want to go through the hard work of putting words down to describe it, though!

[shadowbinding shoe]

Thanks for your shorts, Gamgee, Linna. I think I'm missing some of the jokes in your short, Gamgee. They look like puns but I couldn't figure them out.

Anyone else want to add one of their own? If not, I'm thinking of putting the judgment up for vote.

[DoctorGamgee]

Perhaps this and thiswill help...or not. Tough call regardless.

[shadowbinding shoe]

Perhaps this and thiswill help...or not. Tough call regardless.

Thanks for the pointer. I guess Sheriff Lytton couldn't handle being Sheriff Buford T. Justice ?

[DoctorGamgee]

Linna, I think that is the nicest thing anyone on the boards has ever said about a post of mine. Thank you!

And Shoe...an ear-worm is a colloquialism for a song which gets into one's head and refuses to leave. Glad it made some sense eventually.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Well, it was already so!
And if it was already so, why shouldn't I open up a reply window and say so?
Glad to encourage.

[shadowbinding shoe]

OK final chance to join in. You have until monday next week, 11/3 to add your own version. After that, we'll have a vote.

[shadowbinding shoe]

Saltheart Foamfollower lifted his flagon of Diamonddraught and chuckled heartily. The drink was starting to get to his head and what could one do but laugh? "Joy is in the ears that hear, Thomas Covenant. Joy is in the ears that hear." Thomas Covenant didn't respond. Saltheart Foamfollower scratched his beard and fell into a lenghty silence as well. "I don't know. What you ask of me, Ubeliever, this concept of picking one story over another is not a very giantish this to do. How can any giant do such a thing? It is beyond us. Which story do you think is best? That's a story worth hearing all by itself."

Thomas Covenant didn't even lift his eyes from the dying flames. "Hellfire, Salheart Foamfollower. Hellfire and bloody damnation." He picked a stick and stirred the coals about angrily. Sheriff Lytton! What business had HE of all people in the Land? Damned if he was going to answer this question. "Hellfire" he muttered again, to console himself.

Slatheart Foamfollower sighed mightily. His flagon was near empty and Thomas Covenant was being stubborn, as usual. He focused a hopeful look on his other companions, the storytellers and the listeners from far off Kavinwash. "What do you say, then. Which story do you choose?"

Covenant's cheeks reddened. "You don't have to answer him," he told them hurriedly. Then, seeing the crestfallen look on his friend's face he amended, "Well, you can tell him what you thought of them, if feel like it. No one has to like stories about Sheriff Lytton," he added to himself. "White Gold Belt Buckle!" he finished in disbelief.

Saltheart Foamfollower nodded sagely. "Anything you have to say would be most welcome."

[shadowbinding shoe]

Are you really going to disappoint Saltheart Foamfollower and remain silent???

[Icarus Unfallen]

There are appeals to each.

I am surprised Foamy did not lean toward Frostheart's entry. Not only is it from a fellow Giant, but it has the Giantish attribute of being the very opposite of brief. Indeed, it is both verbose and prolix.

At the opposite extreme, Doc's submission is short...but it does the job well. Admittedly, it depends on knowing some American Pop Culture references if one is to get the humor, but that stuff is pervasive.

Linna followed the Watch tradition of considering the rules to be optional suggestions...and substituted Esmer for Longwrath in the deputy role. It worked.

All are Bad Writing at its finest, but pressed for a choice, I will go with Frosty.

[Frostheart Grueburn]

Nooo Foamy!!

I'll go with Gamgee's. Understood the American popculture reffs after some googling and youtubing.

This guy looked like he stepped out of some kinda seventies disco, with his razzle-dazzle sequin-and-shiny-gold-foil doo-dad outfit

...Giantish attribute of being the very opposite of brief. Indeed, it is both verbose and prolix.

While the IRL face behind the Giantsona is a short, skinny runt, the language remains the same. I remember just laughing at some plane announcements the other day and how long Finnish sounds compared to, well, anything.

Finnish: Olkaa hyvät ja istukaa alas (10 syllables)
English: Please sit down (3 syllables)

[DoctorGamgee]

Well when you have to explain your humor, it is hardly a universal winner...

But as we are all friends, just pick someone and let's see what comes next...

[shadowbinding shoe]

OK, by a unanimous vote Forstheart is the winner! Congrats You get an honorary White Gold Belt Buckle. Use it wisely.

[Frostheart Grueburn]

Thanks!

A new task for all ye aspiring authors and badficcers!

THOOLAH complains about Linden. Whiny this, whiny that. Insufferable this and annoying that. Well, your task is to rewrite her character into something that those cultists might accept. All Mary Sue cliches can be utilized. You may also add illustrations or music. Pick a suitable scene and describe her new dazzling, sparkly perfection until our eyes bleed!

If this is not your horn of mead, then you can also write a horribly cheesy love scene between any two TCTC characters. My brain's a bit sluggish in terms of creativity right now, just arrived back to the country.

Deadline: 21.4.

[sgt.null]

21.4 is april 24th?

[Frostheart Grueburn]

21.4 is april 24th?

?? Where do you get the 24th? 21st of April. Americans write dates backwards.

Now, folks, get typing! You too, sarge, but not "Metastatic clowns in the supper of life, thinking inside the chimney. Kumquats swim in the archipelago rainbow."

BTW, haven't gotten my winnings yet.

[sgt.null]

"Metastatic clowns in the supper of life, thinking inside the chimney. Kumquats swim in the archipelago rainbow."

.

I am stealing that!