Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!

[shadowbinding shoe]

I haven't been back here in a while. Sorry. We have 3 very well welded pieces so far Anyone else wants to add his piece before closing time?

[Linna Heartbooger]

Arrgh! I want to add one... please give me a deadline though, or I can pretty much guarantee I'll just put it off endlessly.

Gamgee- when I was visiting my sister a few months ago, I convinced her to sit down and read some of this thread with me. (I am so not kidding!)
Anyway, she cracked up a bunch over your most recent entry!!

[shadowbinding shoe]

Well, how about three more weeks, saturday 14.12?

[Linna Heartbooger]

That would be awesome!! If I don't do it by then, it's not happening!

[DoctorGamgee]

Gamgee- when I was visiting my sister a few months ago, I convinced her to sit down and read some of this thread with me. (I am so not kidding!)
Anyway, she cracked up a bunch over your most recent entry!!

That just made my day, Linna. Thank you!

[Linna Heartbooger]

*Chewing on her fingernail, the writer pauses the cooking video, picks up a D&D manual, and tries to make some sense of it…

"Might as well jump in and start with the back-cover. All that really matters anyway," she said to herself.*

…The party telepath, Laurel Avery, pressed her hands to her temples. There were barriers to reading the mind of this next foe… if it had a normal mind?
That very foe, a named necromancer, stood blocking the passageway.
Surely that blazing staff was an artifact weapon: therefore they would not run from this encounter.

But things did not look pretty:
The half-orc tank was already brought to his knees by the light in the corridor. The floor was swallowing his feet and inexplicably lengthening his fingernails!
Their mage's special ability was being able to weld when white-gold was used offensively against them… yet according to every NPC they'd spoken to so far, white gold was rare in this land. Tom said he knew what he was doing when he created this character, but all she could think now was - unless it comes up in the boss battle - what a waste!

…Would this party succeed? And if so, where would their quest lead next… to arcane secrets and treasures untold?

[shadowbinding shoe]

The time is up. Who is the winner? I'm putting it up to vote. Will it be:

1) the tale of a of a pa, a son and a WHITE GOLD BIKE by Shuram Gudatetris

2) the worst thing that Fred ever did in meter and rhyme! by deer of the dawn

3) The Rude Awakening (includes recipe) by DoctorGamgee

or

4) D&D, this time with white gold welders by Linna Heartlistener

[Linna Heartbooger]

Good stuff... I always enjoy the giving of titles/descriptions.

Shall we post our votes on-thread, or will there be an anonymous poll?

[shadowbinding shoe]

posting here is fine.

[Linna Heartbooger]

I vote for:

"1) the tale of a of a pa, a son and a WHITE GOLD BIKE by Shuram Gudatetris "

[Shuram Gudatetris]

This was a hard decision, but I give a slight edge to

2) the worst thing that Fred ever did in meter and rhyme! by deer of the dawn

Well done, deer

[Vraith]

Heh...this may lead to Shoe having to tie-break [wasn't planned, I promise] but I have to vote Dr. G.



as a side note: it cracked me up that the real contestants ended up with a deadline about a million times longer than the deadline the "hired author" in the exposition/contest rules was given.

[shadowbinding shoe]

And the winner issssssss..........

<Adds his own deciding vote>

2) the worst thing that Fred ever did in meter and rhyme! by deer of the dawn

Go for it, deer!

[DoctorGamgee]

Congratulations Deer! Excellent choice Shoe! Here's to the next round!

[deer of the dawn]

Thank you so much for recognizing how very bad my writing was!!

It's been so long, I re-read my offering. It is so bad. But I guess that's the point. The other offerings were just as wonderfully bad, I must say!!

The Last Dark spoilers ahead:

Spoiler

TLD ends with the Covenant Crew following the Worm and re-booting the Land. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create an alternate Epilogue of Epic badness.

Deadline? Let's leave it open at this point. Maybe after we get a few entries.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

I am so used to seeing "Last Chronicles" spoilers and immediately highlighting them, that I didn't realize it was a "Last Dark" spoiler, and almost read it! I got as far as

Spoiler

TLD ends with the Covenant

and the klaxon alarms went off in my brain and shut me down. It was close!

But I finished (finally!) TLD a few days ago, and now I get to come back to this

I really like this idea, but

Spoiler

I think SRD is going to win, hands down!

I would just like to request that any entries cleverly neglect to mention the events that brought our characters to the point where our bad writing begins, just in case someone stumbles upon our entries and get tipped off on what is going on if they haven't read the book yet.

Spoiler

For instance, please don't start off "So after following the Worm and attempting to reboot the Land, Covenant, Linden, and Jeremiah..."

And actually, I just thought up another clever idea! Instead of my first request, just to be on the safe side, maybe we post our entries in the Last Dark forum? Share your thoughts please

[shadowbinding shoe]

Easy enough to transform

The Last Dark spoilers ahead::)

into

The Last Dark spoilers ahead::)

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Covenant, Linden, and Jeremiah transported themselves to the breach in the universe left by the Worm.

“What is this?” Linden asked Covenant.

Covenant grimaced. He stepped close to the breach. “Hellfire, Linden. This is a hole. The Worm burrowed out here and left this hole through the universe. Its a Worm-hole.”

“What do we do?” Linden asked through her tears.

“We follow!” crowed Jeremiah.

So the three jumped into the Worm-Hole….


….And found themselves in a strange universe.

They suddenly found themselves walking through a door into house, but they were all walking on four legs! With their tails wagging and their tongues rolling out of their mouths, they were excited to discover that the Worm-hole lead to a world where people were dogs!

Covenant was a silver wolf, Linden was a black Lab, and li’l puppy-boy Jeremiah was an obnoxious brown Boxer puppy!

“Ooh!” said Linden. “You’re such a cute little puppy, Jeremiah sweetie!”

“Hahaha!” giggled Jeremiah. Then he went prancing around in circles with glee.

Covenant used this opportunity to step behind Linden.

“Oh my!” exclaimed Linden, pleasantly surprised. “WHAT in the world are you doing Thomas?”

Covenant’s nose was buried deep under Linden’s tail. “I am smelling your butt! This is incredible! I know so much about you now! Linden, you must try this! Smell my butt!”

Linden took a couple shy steps towards Covenant, with her head low and her tail wagging submissively. “Okay, if you insist, I will smell your butt.”

She stepped behind Covenant and put her nose to his butt. Suddenly her tail started wagging with quick excitement.

“You’re right!” she yipped. “This is incredible! I know so MUCH about you now! Hey, let’s go sniff Jeremiah’s butt!

Jeremiah looked up and saw Covenant and Linden trotting towards him, big smiles with red wet toungues hanging out. Their tales were whirring in delight as they approached him.

“Hey guys!” Jeremiah called out.

“Wait till you try THIS!” they called back.

Dogs sniffed butts. Dogs chased tails. Dogs ate kibbles, peed on bushes, and slept on people’s feetsies. Dogs did a lot of stuff.

And dogs lived happily ever after.



Here ends The Last Dark, the final book of the Last Chronicles.

The story shall continue in the NEW Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Book One: The First Poop

[shadowbinding shoe]

This story doesn't really contain spoilers beyond what was revealed in AATE. So read at your own risk.

Spoiler

As the Worm was tearing through the last shreds of space and time leaving only death and ruin in its wake, as Kestenessen was striding through the choking ashes that had once been Andalain laughing breaths of flame and havoc, as She was rising through the depths of Mount Thunder shrugging off the very firmaments of the Land like broken shuckles screaming with a thusand thousand voices, as Foul at last grappled with his hated brother the Creator, a pathetic spectacle for the eyes of a being called Indifference, as being and forces from all corners of Creation faced their final moments, Thomas Covenant, once an Unbeliever and a white gold wielder grasped his loved ones, Linden Avery and Jeremiah Maker and fought for a way out, for a way for all of them to wake up from this nightmare and win!

Thomas Covenant groaned in pain. "Linden!" he Croacked, for all he was worth. There was no immediate answer. Blinking rapidly, he looked around trying to make up where he was. Gradually, he became able to idntify where he was. He lay in a bed with tubular protective bars on the sides. White sheets covered him to his chin. Gray curtains shut him off from the other patients in the room. A fluorescent light stared past him emptily from the ceiling. The air was faintly tinge with ether and germicide. A call button hung at the head of the bed.

All his fingers were full lengths except for those two he lost all those years ago. He had a bad feeling about this.

Then he made out two figures standing at the foot of the bed. One of them was a woman in white -- a nurse. As he tried to focus on her, she said, "Doctor -- he's regaining consciousness."

The doctor was a middle-aged man in a brown suit. The flesh under his eyes sagged as if he were weary of all human pain...

With an effort, Covenant refrained from doing anything drastic and focused on the light.

The doctor nodded, and put his flashlight away. "Mr. Covenant?"

Covenant swllowed at the dryness in his throat.

"Mr. Covenant," The doctor held his face close to Covenant's and spoke quietly, calmly. "You're in the hospital. You were brought here after your run-in with that police car. You've been uncocious for about four hours."

"Noooooooooooo!!!" Covenant shook wildly hitting his head on the side railing with a sickening crunch. Shaking his head he bit his lip and smiled. A dream. It was all a dream. About a woman called Linnen, no, Livery, no. And wasn't there a bearded guy with a cane called Norah? It was a good dream, he thought, even if it was mostly bad, come to think of it. So horribly horribly bad. He rose gingerly from the bed and gave himself a VSE. Time to head home for a long bath. Maybe he could even squeeze a book out of all this.

[deer of the dawn]

Easy enough to transform

The Last Dark spoilers ahead::)

into

The Last Dark spoilers ahead::)

Great idea! How about if everyone Spoilers their entries like this:
Possible Last Dark Spoilers Ahead!!!!



No but it would be a good idea to spoilerize, in case the innocent wander in. Shuram and Shoe, or a mod of this forum, please do so?

Shuram, All Dogs Go To The New Land?!?! And Shoe, cynically, postmodernly bad!!!